To think that the school prize-giving could do with a rethink?

[jillowarriorqueen]

So my 10 year old DD's school had a prize-giving ceremony this morning to celebrate their achievements last academic year. It's a very small school with only 14 children in her class - a mixed year 5 and 6 group. Of those 14 children, 4 came away with nothing. 2 of those children were new and therefore ineligible for a prize until next year, but 2 were eligible, they just didn't get one. My DD was one of these. It was no skin off her nose to be honest. She suspected she wouldn't get anything, despite getting glowing reports this week about behaviour and effort and she had mentally prepared herself for the disappointment. She got two prizes last year anyway, one of which was a big one. But her friend - the other child who didn't get a prize - was crying (and got shouted at by the teacher for being upset) as she hadn't got one for the last three years. Last year, I think everyone in her class got a prize except for her, in fact.

AIBU to think that if you're a tiny school, then you need to be really careful with prize-giving ceremonies, so that you don't give 10/12 kids a prize, leaving 2 out? The ratios just seem off to me. I'm not advocating prizes for everyone - that becomes meaningless. But I think either have less prizes or include more people in the cohort that are competing for them (like other year classes). Or just not do prize-giving in primary schools at all?

I guess I'm looking for other parent's thoughts on this, is all.

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

I agree. I’m all for awarding achievements but when the ratios mean that a very small percentage get nothing then they need to look at it.
It’s demoralising and heartbreaking to be the only one (or two) to get nothing

[TheBlueDot]

Prize giving in primary? How harsh is that. What happens if you try really hard but are not one of the cleverer ones, or you try really hard but the teachers think another child tried harder that you.

Poor girl not getting a prize when everyone else has had one in the last 3 years (bar the two new children).

I don’t think there should be prize giving at primary at all and especially not in such a small cohort. My DC primary does things like star of the week and they make sure every child has one through the year, it means they have to look for the good in even the most challenging child.

[beeefcreep]

Not everyone can win, that's an important lesson to teach even early on in life.

Why not treat you DD to something to say well done for her achievements? As opposed to some arbitrary award

[Snitzelvoncrumb]

That's awful, especially for being shouted at for getting upset. Make sure the girls parents know what happened. I think I would collect my child before the ceremony so they didn't have to attend.

[florenceheadache]

Indeed they should try harder and find a little something for the others. Raised her hand the highest, whispered the quietest, changed into PE strip the quickest. Something

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

I believe it’s really important to recognise and award achievements, even at primary level. That’s life
I also think that having a good old cry about not getting a prize is totally normal at that age, again a bit of a lesson.
If prizes are handed out to ensure that everyone gets one, to avoid tears and disappointment, what’s the point?

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

Excellence, tenacity, achievement and talent should be recognised

[jillowarriorqueen]

I bought my girl a bracelet with stars on (like the trophies) and her first name initial, and told her she was my star. She hugged me and told me that it was worth all of the school awards put together. Her friend's mum made a big fuss of her friend too tonight. Not right that two kids get left out of a whole class.

[jillowarriorqueen]

Snitzelvoncrumb
We don't have that option. We only know who is getting awards on the day. We get a programme on our seat as we show up. The kids only find out as the ceremony unravels. I saw my girl had got nothing and everyone else had got something (bar one) and just wanted to take her home there and then. But it's not an option.

[TheBlueDot]

Wow that’s even harsher - only 2 children without a prize and they don’t find out until the day!

Why do children have to be ‘taught a lesson’ about competitive prize giving at primary? There’s enough lessons to be learned as they get older, I’m pretty sure gcse results, sporting competitions, etc all teach them that some people get more rewards than others. They don’t need to be singled out as the only DC not capable of excelling at the age of 10. This is the age we should be encouraging them to try hard and finding ways to positively reinforce that.

[jillowarriorqueen]

I also let my DD's friend's parents know. They are very concerned, as their child has been very low lately in self esteem to the point of being at risk to life. I can't say much more than that, but the child is in a veryn vulnerable position right now and the school are fully aware of how badly this poor girl is feeling about herself. Thank goodness she has a great mum to fight her corner.

Why we all pay for this crap, I have no idea!

[HerRoyalNotness]

I hate this, were there lots of made up categories?

My 10yo had to get up in front of the entire 5th grade and their parents and he got a certificate for being in the choir (that Amy 5th grader could be in) and for art. He got one C during the year so missed out on the AB honour roll. I felt bad for him, but he didn’t seem to notice. I would say all the other kids got at least 2 actual academic achievements mentioned. All of them. But I guess that’s life

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

My dd has just received ‘aspirational grades’ yr 11
Some are devastated
What’s the answer?

[jillowarriorqueen]

They were mostly all dance and drama categories. I would have liked to see some for subjects. And also for personal qualities.

I'm not against being aspirational or competitive even. Just when there are better ratios involved that don't allow 1/6 of the class being totally obscured and unrecognised. That is too small a margin in my eyes. Maybe only allow the top 1/6 to qualify for special awards? Or just not have them at this age altogether.

[lalalalyra]

If you're giving 10 of 12 kids awards then you come up with kindness/effort/creativity and you give the last two an award. Especially if they are good, hard working kids who aren't being left out because they chucked a chair at a teacher/bullied other kids all year.

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

Despite the fact that I’m very pro prizes (and not cos I have prize winning dc , far from it!)
I absolutely agree that it’s nothing short of cruel to award the majority in this way

[Aintnothingbutaheartache]

Sorry to clarify ‘aspirational’ meant grades they could achieve for gcse

[Snitzelvoncrumb]

I meant don't attend the ceremony regardless if your child is getting an award. Hopefully if a lot of parents feel the way you do no one will attend.

[BarbarianMum]

So last year when your dd got 2 awards this wasn't a problem but this year, when she gets nothing, it needs to be changed?

FWIW I agree with you - it's a shit way to do things. But I'm a bit surprised you've only just noticed.

[jillowarriorqueen]

BarbarianMum

My DD moved there in year 4, so it was only our second prize-giving yesterday. I guess I'm more clued up about these things now I've been to two of 'em.

[ForalltheSaints]

I am not sure about a prize giving for other than secondary school, to be honest. There is a danger it becomes as routine and meaningless for those who get prizes every year as it can be upsetting for those who don't.

[JamAtkins]

I’d rather a ‘pointless’ everyone gets something prize giving than ‘everyone bar one person gets something’ . I guess it can happen by chance if there are, say, 15 prizes and 12 girls and some years all the prizes go to 3-4 girls (because they deserve them) and the majority get nothing and some years they go to 11 girls (who also deserve them) and one gets left out.

[ShawshanksRedemption]

I will agree that it seems unbalanced and could be assessed as to the value behind the prize giving if it comes across as punitive to the two out of 12 who didn't get recognition.

However I will also say that children (and adults) do need to build in resilience. Kids (and adults) need to know that doing their best is good enough for them, that they should be proud and happy with themselves, rather than only feeling proud when they receive a prize. The prize is the cherry on the top, but not the whole cake IYSWIM!

[Blackberry10]

I have had to try and explain to DS why the naughty kid in his class got a certificate and he didn’t. This kid is a nightmare (I work at the school) and apparently the certificate was given to encourage him . While the well behaved kids are left wondering why naughty behavoir pays off

[Blackberry10]

And before I get flamed there is no SEN