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According to DHs family my children are miserable

(30 Posts)
Jackieyoulooknice Sat 11-Aug-18 17:48:53

My twins are 1, they are teething a lot, they also seem to be going through some separation anxiety and want me and DH allll the time.

When DHs family visit (extended family, the children love their grandparents) my twins cry quite a lot, are very grumpy and clingy. It's exhausting really, it would be OK if the family members could tolerate it but there are constant comments about how miserable they are and how they can't possibly always be teething and their behaviour isn't normal. It is normal, I remember my first born going through a similar phase till about 18 months or 2 years old. If they see photos of them laughing it's all "oh so they can smile then, I've never seen them like that when we're there". My twins are very happy chatty beautiful babies and sociable when out and about, but I am wondering if maybe they find DHs extended family a bit intimidating or full on.

Ive forced them to deal with these visits fortnightly for 3 months now and I'm finding it exhausting and upsetting. What do I do? The twins don't like it, the extended family moan all the time, I've tried giving them alone time but they can't warm to them.
Also my twins are very normal, I leave them alone with their nans while we go out and they have no problems, meeting all their milestones etc, so I'm finding it quite insulting to be told they're not normal and it makes me sad when they get called misersble! They're only like that when they're here.... Help!

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 17:51:13

Tell them it’s them who are making them miserable because they’re not like that with anyone else!

Kids aren’t performing monkeys and I can’t abide people who expect them to be!

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 17:51:26

I mean your ILs not you OP! I really feel for you.

Bambamber Sat 11-Aug-18 17:52:53

Tell them it's them making them miserable. If the extended family moan about it, tell them not to come. That way your kids won't be so miserable and you don't have to listen to the family moaning

Strongmummy Sat 11-Aug-18 17:54:01

Don’t invite them anymore

Jackieyoulooknice Sat 11-Aug-18 18:15:00

I would love to not have to do the visits anymore, but if they don't see them fortnightly they whine and the great grandma occasionally cries hmm

eddiemairswife Sat 11-Aug-18 18:17:09

They probably find it difficult to cope with a lot of adults at once. When my eldest son was that age he was very whiny at the weekend when his dad was home during the day, because he was used to just me in the week. Don't worry, they'll grow out of it.

CherryPavlova Sat 11-Aug-18 18:21:54

It’s perfectly normal for year old babies to develop separation anxiety- it’s an evolutionary advantage and healthy developmentally. It’s why starting nursery around a year is a bad idea.

Penfold007 Sat 11-Aug-18 18:23:25

Why isn't your DH do anything about these judgemental comments about his DC? I'd stop the visits for a while.

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 18:23:49

I would love to not have to do the visits anymore, but if they don't see them fortnightly they whine and the great grandma occasionally cries

Emotional blackmail. Better they’re crying and upset than your kids!

Jackieyoulooknice Sat 11-Aug-18 18:28:14

My husband keeps saying to them "don't be rude, they're never like this when you're not here. It's a normal phase" but its almost like nothing gets absorbed by them.

Merryoldgoat Sat 11-Aug-18 18:32:47

I would just stop them coming over.

‘Sorry, lets give it a miss this week - babies are always so fractious when you’re here and we could do with a quiet weekend. Let’s talk next month.’

People crying about not seeing extended family’s children? That’s bizarre and manipulative.

Just stick up for yourself.

Gojira Sat 11-Aug-18 18:35:28

How many of the extended family are you having to deal with?

Great grandma and......?

WhatAmISupposedToBeDoing Sat 11-Aug-18 18:35:43

Ask them why it's unusual for teething 1 year olds to be a bit whingy yet they, as grown adults, can whinge like little bitches when they don't get their own way.

Jackieyoulooknice Sat 11-Aug-18 18:40:27

@Gojira both great grandparents, their sibling and DCs aunty.

Jackieyoulooknice Sat 11-Aug-18 18:41:00

Not very close to aunty just seems to be insistent on seeing the kids.

Topseyt Sat 11-Aug-18 18:46:45

Just stop inviting these idiots. Your babies sound perfectly normal to me.

When mine were that age they could be whiney and clingy. Teething and anxiety were the usual culprits, and perfectly normal.

Cindie943811A Sat 11-Aug-18 18:54:02

OP these visits have clearly become a habit — family members can’t have anything much else going on in their lives to insist on fortnightly visits when they clearly don’t enjoy your DT’s company. Cut the visits back to monthly — tell them you are very busy with summer outings and activities, visiting friends etc.
Not much fun for infants in a room full of random adults who upset their DM with negative comments.

Penfold007 Sat 11-Aug-18 18:57:18

Good to know that DH is challenging their behaviour. Now you both need to cut back on the visits.

BewareOfDragons Sat 11-Aug-18 19:12:26

Honestly? I would tell your DH you're going out to get some alone time when they visit. Each and every time. Let him sort them out and deal with them. They sound miserable. I'd refuse to spend 'extra' time with them until they sort themselves out or your DH is firmer with them and shows them the door after more limited visits.

KM99 Sat 11-Aug-18 19:21:40

So they moan when they see the kids and moan when they don't. You can't please them, so do what's best for you and your twins.

27yorkshiregirl Sat 11-Aug-18 19:29:59

Tell them to piss off! And if great grandma cries ask her why she never smiles and tell her she looks miserable 😂

TheLadyArmitage Sat 11-Aug-18 19:33:56

I'd never be so rude as to say someone's kid was miserable or not normal! 😮

Can you take the kids to their house instead or go out with them instead of being at home, at least that way you could put them in the pram / distract them.

Hissy Sat 11-Aug-18 19:36:40

Ffs! Stop this nonsense!

Visits are by invitation otherwise it’s another job you have to do!

Be busy

MorrisDancingViv Sat 11-Aug-18 19:42:35

Is there a lot of people visiting in one go? Are they visiting at a time of day where your dcs are normally a bit grumpy? Are they staying for a long time?

I ask, because my extremely pro breastfeeding PIL would moan when they visited (or we visited them) that dd just breastfed all the time and they couldn't hold her. However, I repeatedly explained to them that it would be better if they could visit earlier on in the day (they always wanted to come in the early evening when Dd was at her most fractious whereas in the morning she was a delight). When we visited them it is never just them, at a minimum there would be one of DP's siblings plus partner and dcs and more often than not all 3 of his siblings plus DP's and dcs plus other random family members/neighbours who'd turn up - it was just too many people for her and it's only recently (she's now 3) that's she been able to cope. We started being unavailable and visiting a bit less - I just found it too stressful.

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