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People who don’t just make a bloody decision and keep things vague drive me mad!

(22 Posts)
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Fri 10-Aug-18 21:54:15

How hard is it to just make a decision? Not a difficult one? Nothing requiring too much brain power, just a simple time or yes / no answer will do.

It’s my sister’s birthday today and ds’s tomorrow. He has a party during the day tomorrow and because it’s a significant birthday for dsis, she wanted to have a family meal tonight. Still lives at home so that means parents, me, dh and our dc.

It was my mum who mentioned the meal and asked if we were free, I said yes of course, just let me know when and where. Didn’t hear anything until last night so I texted and asked the plans. ‘Don’t know, it might be Saturday now, is that ok?’

Yes fine, not ideal because we are going to Pizza Hut in the day for ds party which finishes at 5pm but not the end of the world.

I replied and asked where since we would be out and about and needed to think about logistics of cars and kids etc.

They don’t know.

I’ve literally had a message (I chased it) saying it’s now a takeaway at their house. Fine. What time? Not sure, can we let you know tomorrow?

Ffs! How hard is it??! AIBU that it shouldn’t be this hard?

MsVestibule Fri 10-Aug-18 22:06:43

Pisses me off, too. Just make a bloody plan! It doesn't have to be cast in stone, changes can be made if they suit all parties involved, but I hate things being up in the air.

Just text back saying 'OK, let me know when you've decided and if it's convenient for us, we'll come.' No kisses. That'll teach them.

amicissimma Fri 10-Aug-18 22:08:28

Take control.

Tell them what you are doing when, what time you can manage and what time you can't. If they then arrange things for when it doesn't work for you just say, lightly and cheerfully 'Oh, as you know, we won't be able to make it then. Hope you have a lovely time'. Don't discuss it further, just keep repeating that you can't make it. Over and over if necessary. Don't elaborate about bedtimes, tiredness, having already eaten or anything. Just say you can't make it, as you had told them.

Getting a reputation for being awkward is very liberating. After a while people start thinking they'd better just check if that works for Georgie before they make plans.

It's not selfishly expecting everyone to fit around you; it's just making it clear that there are limits to your availability, specially at short notice. And it helps if you make light of your absence - they can enjoy themselves without you occasionally.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Fri 10-Aug-18 22:30:35

Glad it’s not just me!

Thing is, we’d really like to go. I love my family and always up for a takeaway, especially since my dad will pay grin

I just want to know what bloody time angry

BetterEatCheese Fri 10-Aug-18 22:35:47

My whole family is like this, I feel your pain, it drives me crazy! The worst one is they dither so much they never make the plans and then complain and regret missing said event 🙄

Mummymummums Fri 10-Aug-18 22:38:05

YANBU - drives me nuts.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Fri 10-Aug-18 22:39:23

Yes the amount of times they’ve missed out of favourite restaurants or events because they leave it too late to book is unreal.

BetterEatCheese Fri 10-Aug-18 22:43:06

Isn't it so infuriating! And it spills over into minor decisions of no consequence. I ask if anyone wants tea, there's a discussion and rounds of 'are you? If you do I will. Oh I don't know, maybe. Oh go on then.'

Di11y Fri 10-Aug-18 22:53:36

Try to turn it to your advantage - "shall we say 6.30 if that works for everyone? We'll get there for 6 to give everyone plenty if time to decide.."

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sat 11-Aug-18 08:42:59

Well I’ve decided I’m not going to chase anymore. If they decide a time I’ll see if it works for us. Great if it does, never mind if it doesn’t.

How a group of adults can’t just say ‘come for 6pm’ or whatever is beyond me. How I’m so different from them also makes me laugh!!

Squirrelblanket Sat 11-Aug-18 08:48:24

My sister is like this. She also has trouble sticking to a plan if one is ever made. It's not uncommon to go over to hers expecting to have a meal out with X group of people to find it's now a takeaway in the house with Y group. It drives me mad.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Sat 11-Aug-18 08:54:44

I used to be a bit like that before I had DS and started having to plan every damn thing. It was usually because I had several loose options and was hoping to fit in all of them.

Now, however, I have a wall planner, much fewer options, and a sense of righteous indignation with people who won't nail down plans a week in advance! Those bastards.

Canshopwillshop Sat 11-Aug-18 08:56:09

Oh I hate this. I’ve got a friend like this and it drives me crazy. She won’t decide if something is happening or not until the last minute, because she wants to see whether or not her and her DH will feel like doing ‘xyz’ and then expects us to be free to join them. Last time was a recent bbq when she tried this trick and I just told her we’d made other plans. She was quite put out!

Lottapianos Sat 11-Aug-18 09:00:52

Dithery faffers like this drive me crackers. I'm a planner and I want to know what I'm doing well in advance.

I agree with others - take control. Tell them what time you can do and maybe that will focus their minds a bit more

RitaMills Sat 11-Aug-18 09:03:40

I’m like this sometimes, if it’s something DP and I are doing as a family it can be hard to give exact times due to DP being a tradesman and having no fixed finishing time. Sometimes he’ll get to a job and it turns into a bigger job than first planned so things have to be cancelled that day as it turns into a late one for him, sometimes he doesn’t know how long a job is going to take until he shows up that morning. It’s a pain in the ass I know but if I’m going out I’m relying on him being home in time to be home with DS and if he’s not I’ll need to cancel or postpone. It isn’t much fun not being able to plan things in advance.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sat 11-Aug-18 09:09:29

But do expect other people to fall in to that too Rita? My husband is a police officer so I completely get not knowing if they’re finishing on time but we still don’t keep people hanging on ‘just in case’.

longwayoff Sat 11-Aug-18 09:12:02

My son does this, about twice a year, ignores me for months then announces "we're on our way be with you in half hour" we being him, wife and 3 under 5s. I live alone. I am never prepared for this. It drives me nuts.

PaintedHorizons Sat 11-Aug-18 09:12:25

I'm like this and like being like this. It annoys me when people want to pin you down, set it in stone and then you're the bad guy if you can't make it.

Much easier to leave it loose and those that can do and those that can't don't - until next time.

Fine if it is a wedding or a funeral or a job interview -but a drink in a pub or a takeaway with family - for me anyway is not so important.

RitaMills Sat 11-Aug-18 09:17:51

My family will try and accommodate me, it’s easier with them as mostly I can bring DS along but I usually just tell people to continue with their plans and I’ll call them as soon as I can to let them know if I’ll be there. I try not to leave people hanging ‘just incase’.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sat 11-Aug-18 10:28:29

Don’t you think other people have other things going on though?

Eg. I have three kids, we’re out tomorrow and assumed we’d be out for dinner tonight so we don’t have anything in. If we suddenly need to sort dinner that involves a supermarket trip.

Pinkvoid Sat 11-Aug-18 10:32:34

I have no patience for it either. Eventually I just end up saying look, either decide or I’m not interested. They usually either come to a quick decision or get in a huff and I fuck off grin.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sat 11-Aug-18 12:20:28

Finally!

6pm and can we pick up the take away on our way over.

gin will be needed

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