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To worry about dynamics of DD's friends circle

(9 Posts)
Butttons Wed 11-Jul-18 21:15:41

DD5 had a playdate yesterday with 2 schoolfriends, both of whom she's known since she was 2. The two other girls immediately ran upstairs (into our bedroom where they started jumping on the bed which is a whole other AIBU) leaving DD downstairs still taking her shoes off. I wasn't with them the whole time they were playing so dont know how much they involved her in general but I did hear one of the other girls say that DD never shares her toys (which is not true, at the very least she does at playdates). Then there was a kerfuffle at dinner (we had a picnic) about who got to sit on which chair with which colour plate and ended up with DD being dealt the short straw by her friends, and the explanation that guests get to choose first etc. I can't really remember but thought that maybe the other two chatted more together than with DD, but then it was busy and i was juggling all 3 plus my younger DC so can't really recall.

AIBU to feel a bit sad for DD with this dynamic or is it more par for the course as they learn social interactions in school? She tends to play a lot with these 2 girls, plus 1 other who wasn't there today, but this is the first time I've seen her be a bit more of a "follower" and be bossed around by her friends (especially in her own house, she didn't get to choose games or anything). It's been playing on my mind a bit and I didn't expect to still feel sad today hence posting.

Screaminginsideme Wed 11-Jul-18 21:21:08

3 is always a crowd I think. They dynamics change a lot but maybe just have 1 friend at a time.
Talk to your DD about true friends.
A mighty girl- has some great books etc on how to raise strong happy girls.

Butttons Wed 11-Jul-18 23:24:21

Thanks for the tip Screaming. I'll look up that site

loveyouradvice Wed 11-Jul-18 23:28:27

I agree - three is a tough number... especially as your DD also aware she is in your house and needs to behave as your daughter too...

It happens.... perhaps arrange for just one each time - or all three?

And try not to read too much into it - these things go in waves... if you notice it in other situations, yup its a pattern... for now just a one-off

Enidblyton1 Wed 11-Jul-18 23:29:43

My DD is 7 and I never have more than 1 child over to play any more. Someone always seems to be left out if there are 3 girls.

angelikacpickles Wed 11-Jul-18 23:29:44

Three on a playdate is always a disaster - learned that the hard way!

madamginger Wed 11-Jul-18 23:30:43

3 is always a bad idea, you need either just 1 or 4.
In my experience 3 causes arguments or fall outs and inevitably someone is left out.

Branleuse Wed 11-Jul-18 23:33:25

Rookie mistake

AjasLipstick Wed 11-Jul-18 23:40:38

Regarding the "Guests get first choice" which is usually true but NOT when the guest is grabby (been there seen that)

I took to saying "I'll cut the cake and hand it over...nobody can call out which piece they want" and similar.

As for the jumping on the bed etc, you need to take control when they are this small....cheerful "Down now girls! You can play with this craft stuff in the kitchen now!"

They need some organised activities at 5.

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