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To not tell ExH about Saturday school

(27 Posts)
SaturdaySchool2 Wed 13-Jun-18 18:00:47

I'm from one of the Scandinavian countries, and I have 2 children, my eldest is 5 and unfortunately I haven't taught them my language yet. I feel very sad and guilty about this, they only know English which is fine but I want them to learn my language aswell. Ex is not keen on this, and he's still living here but will be moving out.

For some odd reason, he doesn't want the children to learn my language, because "they live in England, they're English and they speak English which is enough". Tbh I think deep down he's paranoid and doesn't want them to learn my language, in case we speak about him. That's the only thing that makes sense to me, even when we go back to visit my family, and I'm speaking to my mum or sister he's always asking what we're talking about, or if my family are speaking amongst them, he gets paranoid and I constantly have to reassure him that we're not talking about him.

I've never really been able to teach my children the language, whilst living with ex. Thank god he's moving out soon, so I'll be able to be in control of my life and that of my children's. I found this great Saturday school that teaches my language, I know ex will never let me take the kids there. So AIBU to quietly enrol my children in Saturday school?

Leeds2 Wed 13-Jun-18 18:02:20

I would, although I wouldn't be surprised if the children tell him even if you don't.

FASH84 Wed 13-Jun-18 18:03:00

Learning a second language at a young age is hugely beneficial for all kinds of learning in future, and it will give them an attachment to your culture and heritage. He is BU for refusing it up to this point. Most people would love their children to be bilingual

ReservoirDogs Wed 13-Jun-18 18:04:06

Please please please teach your children your own language. there is nothing but benefits from being bilingual.

When he moves out will he not see them at weekends? If so it might be better to see if there is anyway they could be taught in the evenings.

Wineandrosesagain Wed 13-Jun-18 18:05:09

Do it! Your ex is a twat. Learning another language (especially as it’s yours) will be great for them. Ex can’t stop them from going. He will probably find out and object. If it’s on your time he can get stuffed.

LadyintheRadiator Wed 13-Jun-18 18:05:13

What do you mean he won’t let you? You might do better to be matter of fact about it otherwise you’ve got years of this sort of shit ahead.

SaturdaySchool2 Wed 13-Jun-18 18:05:42

Exactly. I keep thinking to myself, what sane person would be against their children learning a second language? It's about him, and his insecurities isn't it?

Danniz Wed 13-Jun-18 18:06:43

You should tell him you're doing it. Is he really going to go to court over it? Don't think so.

ScipioAfricanus Wed 13-Jun-18 18:07:42

Certainly sounds like he actually doesn’t like the idea of them having a bond with you/your heritage which excludes him, perhaps literally if you all know a language he doesn’t. There was nothing to stop him learning it too though!

I think helping a child be bilingual is one of the best things you could do for them. Go for it.

Timomax Wed 13-Jun-18 18:08:19

Maybe he's worried you will emigrate?

SometimesMaybe Wed 13-Jun-18 18:08:26

Saturday school would be good but presumably you could just start speaking to them all the time in your language.

DNAwrangler Wed 13-Jun-18 18:09:46

Talk to your kids in your language (when he moves out if necessary). Bog all he can do about that.

I'd also enrol them in the Saturday school, but he will find out etc. And might try to stop them visiting your family of things get nasty.

Bekabeech Wed 13-Jun-18 18:10:09

I can't see any Judge up holding a decision to veto a second language. But what kind of contact is he going to have, because it could be tricky with EOW.

Fruitcorner123 Wed 13-Jun-18 18:10:33

I think I would tell him it but not in a way which means he can object without going to court.

If he has access at weekends won't this cause problems.

Timeisslippingaway Wed 13-Jun-18 18:12:56

If he was so paranoid then he should have put in the effort and learnt the language aswell.

bonbonours Wed 13-Jun-18 18:14:40

As others have said, speaking in your language at home will be more beneficial than classes anyway.
You don't have to tell him but you trying to keep it a secret will be hard and pointless. He can't do anything about what you do on your time with them. But you can't force him to take them to it on his Saturdays, even if you've paid for it.

I teach a language class and one family eventually dropped out as the mother was paying for it termly, but every other week when the father had the kids he made up some excuse why they couldn't come, so she was basically paying twice as much for every lesson. You will need to be prepared for that eventuality.

Japanese Wed 13-Jun-18 18:15:04

Of course you should enrol them (and speak to the DCs in your language).

What kind of access arrangements will your ex be having? The 'every other weekend' scenario is going to need him on board regarding any Saturday commitments for the DCs.

Japanese Wed 13-Jun-18 18:16:15

(Cross post with lots of others!)

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 13-Jun-18 18:21:05

Just to repeat what others posted, if he gets the standard every other weekend its going to cause difficulties.

FinallyHere Wed 13-Jun-18 18:23:20

Lessons can be a good way to learn a language, but the best way is by emersion. Could you start speaking the language at home, you would need to stick to this no matter what. What apps, films or games can you find on line which are in the relevant language. Sesame Street is really good, there must be others. Fun & entertaining so that the acquisition of language is just a side effect. If you can help your children to shine in the lessons, they are much more likely to stick with it.

What else can you do in the language. While I am not religious, church can be a great way to speak in the language, in a group where they will naturally adjust the sounds they make to blend in wit( everyone else. What about food? If you can't do total emersion at home, you could make favourite food from your own childhood together and speak the language together while you do it. You may find other families who speak the language who can also join in.

One more thing, I would encourage you to not correct them when they make mistakes, just praise what they get right and trust that the rest will come good. All the best

Mumminmum Wed 13-Jun-18 18:23:39

Otherwise, I can recommend letting the children watch Peppa Pig in the chosen language. We used it before we moved to the UK. Regardsless of language they always speak slow and articulate clearly in Peppa Pig (Gurli Gris/Greta Gris). Just go on Youtube and search for Peppa Pig and "dansk" or "Svenska".

There is even an article about using Peppa Pig to learn other languages.

FinallyHere Wed 13-Jun-18 18:25:21

Oh, yes, Peppa Pig would be great.

p.s. keep yourself sane by reading the Peppa Pig for adults threads here in MN

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 13-Jun-18 18:31:36

Why not just repeat everything you say in both languages? Cheaper, easier and annoys your awful ex. Win, win, win.

Graut Wed 13-Jun-18 18:40:46

Why not just repeat everything you say in both languages?

Don't do this, it is not a good technique. Children may pick up a teeny bit of a language like this but basically they will just listen to the English and ignore the other bit.

Children take the path of least resistance. When it comes to language learning you need 2 things: exposure and genuine need. Expose your children by speaking your language (exclusively, or as exclusively as possible, although with such old children you may need to ease them into it a bit) and the Saturday school. Create a need to speak the language (this is the much harder part of the equation) by seeking out minority language playgroups, contact with your family, etc etc.

greenlanes Wed 13-Jun-18 18:43:00

Depends on how vindictive your ex will be. Mine tried to sabotage every activity I booked our DC into. So eg he would ask for activity on his contact day or evening and then slowly stop taking DC or offering more "exciting" opportunities. He would then "volunteer" for activities so that he could closely supervise "DC" and noone else. The organisations were so pleased to have a male volunteer that they didnt say anything for months. Eventually they realised. But what could they do? One even offered to tell the family court - she was so appalled in the end at his behaviour. My advice? Book on days when you have total control over the activity. Keep it as quiet as you can for a long time - refer to it as a friendship group or play group

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