...to tell you about my son’s eating?

[Merryoldgoat]

My DS is 5. He’s awaiting assessment for ASD but he’s very high functioning so there’s some doubt about whether he’ll actually get any help.

Day to day he’s quite easy to cope with but the one biggie has been food. Up to last summer all he’d eat was:

Fruit purée pots
Yoghurts
Peanut butter sandwiches
‘Crunchy’ stuff (rice cakes, crisps, chips etc).
The odd toddler tray meal
Some cake
Some biscuits

Getting him to try anything new was an utter nightmare and frequently ended in tears for both of us.

My DH and I decided that we really had to make an effort and we’ve slowly but firmly introduced him to ‘new food’ in a calm way.

He’ll now eat the following in addition to what he used to:

Chicken nuggets
Fish fingers
Apple
Banana
Pizza
Cheese Sandwiches
Jam sandwiches
Home made Cottage pie
Home made macaroni cheese
A side of mixed vegetables if mashed up
Homemade Bolognese pasta

I could cry when I look at that list. I know it’s not the ‘healthiest’ but we’re now at the stage where he trusts us enough to try new things and I know we’ll slowly get there.

The possible ASD diagnosis doesn’t bother us at all - he’s our son and I love all his quirkiness and we’ll get through it but GOD the eating issues had me so scared for him.

Sorry for such a mundane post but as I watched him eating his apple after dinner this evening I realised how far he’d come.

[Babybearsporij]

That's amazing, well done OP and family. I bet you can see a light at the end of the tunnel now!

[BeeFarseer]

Don't you dare say sorry, there's nothing mundane about your.post at all!

That is seriously amazing - well done your DS! And well done to you and your DH for doing such a good job of making him feel safe around new food. That's a real achievement, don't let anyone belittle it.

[bubbles108]

That's a massive achievement. Well done to all of you 👌

[GoldenHoops]

That's fantastic, it is worth persevering in helping with new experiences..Ds1(also HFA) was great at eating but not so good in other areas. He's at uni now

[CourtneyLovely]

As someone with ASD who has food issues, and the mother of someone with ASD and food issues, I think that's fantastic!

[dontticklethetoad]

That is actually a really good selection of food! Well done OP and son

[MoMandaS]

OP, I could have written your post (with slight variation on the food lists). Today, our 5 year old had school dinners for the first time (previously same packed lunch every day) - and instead of the 'safe' omelette he chose chicken curry, ate some (obviously not much judging by hunger level tonight!) and enjoyed it, or claims to! I am flabbergasted. His diet/willingness to try new things has been steadily improving this last year and, like you, I am so relieved! I know this progress will pause/regress at times of high anxiety though.

[Merryoldgoat]

Thank you all - I’m welling up reading your responses - it seems so daft

I’ve spent so long having to fend off family trying to force food he isn’t ready for on him it feels like such a massive deal.

Thank you for all your support

[LtGreggs]

Well done - I have a 9 year old who is NT but fussy and strong willed and I don't think his list is any longer than that one :-)

Now you've got him to take some mince-based dishes, you could gradually broaden out the 500-ways-with-mince?

[Neverenoughspoons]

Well done, that seems like a huge improvement. Would you mind telling me briefly how you've gone about it? I don't think my son has ASD, but definitely has food issues. I'd love to increase the foods he'll eat.

[kaykay72]

I could have written the same when my son was the same age. He was diagnosed with HFA age 7 and is now 19. He’s just finished his first year at uni, living in halls. He has a p/t job as a distance contractor with a prestigious company in a specialised field and has just been to Amsterdam for a weeks’ professional course. He travelled independently, booked and stayed in an air Bnb, managed his food (and beer!) and coped with all the unexpected day to day things that cropped up.

Just keep chipping away, he’s very young yet and you sound to be doing a great job of expanding his diet and his flexibility 😎

[LynetteScavo]

You need to share how you've achieved this!

So many kids with no other issues are fussy eaters...how have you done it?

[Lisapops]

Merryoldgoat I am in the same situation as you, my daughter is three and a half and will only eat
Chicken
Crunchy stuff (skinny fries, some biscuits, some crisps)
Garlic bread
Beetroot from a jar
Yoghurt
Jelly
Rice cakes
Hummus
Bananas
Over the last two months she has trusted me enough to try
Ham sandwiches
Cheese sandwiches
Toast
Apples
Heck sausages.
She has never eaten anything I would consider wet as in with a sauce or something like beans, in fact she has never eaten a hot cooked meal like a roast dinner or Bolognaise etc
I am a single parent and find it so upsetting to see although I try to never let her see it is bothering me. She seems to inspect some of her food and if it has something odd about it such as a piece of herb from garlic bread has transferred to a piece of chicken, she will put it to the side and not eat it. I have tried everything, cooking together, shopping and choosing things together, eating with her friends/family but nothing makes a difference. If she ever does try anything she will actually gag if it’s something she doesn’t know or trust. I thought being at nursery would encourage her but she takes her own lunchbox whilst all the other children in her class eat what thennursery provides. Sorry to jump in on your post, I want to congratulate you and your husband as it sounds as if you have come a long way and by using the right approach, just thought I would let you know that I know exactly how hard this is x

[Heismyopendoor]

Aww that’s amazing!!

It actually almost brings me to tears, and he’s not even my kid!! Well done to you all

[Racecardriver]

Well done OP! My son is fussy too and it can be such a struggle. A part of you thinks why didn't I just male something that he would eat but then you know that you will suffer for it later. You doubled the types of foods that he will eat. That is an awesome achievement!

[Claystone]

Brilliant work OP. That's an excellent list of foods.

[noblegiraffe]

Well done you! And well done your DS! You must have all worked really hard to achieve that!

[MoMandaS]

kaykay72 thank you for sharing that about your son, very reassuring to hear! What a fantastic job you've done

[alwaysontimeneverlate]

Well done op you've both done a fantastic job.
I've an asd child with a very limited diet and feel your frustration. It's a daily battle that nobody usually sees, sometimes I do t know which I worry about more his lack of food or the lack of nutrition in the food he will eat.
Mine has just discovered he like homemade flapjack and has eaten nothing else for 2 days 🙈😮

[Merryoldgoat]

Thank you to everyone sharing about how well their HFA children have done. As I said the diagnosis doesn’t worry us I’m that he’s our son forever and we’ll just get on with it but it would be disingenuous to say we don’t worry about the future. It seems like he might be quite similar to some of the older children you’ve described as his academics are significantly above average. However he’s 5 so all I care about is him being happy at school and making friends, the latter is coming on slowly and the former is great because of his wonderful classroom teacher.

How we did it

I say him down one day and said we were going to start a new game called ‘New Food’ and that he would still get his favourite foods, and some treats, but he had to try at least a little bit of what I asked him to. I also ‘made a deal’ (his favourite phrase) and said I’d he tried it and didn’t like it I wouldn’t force him to eat more.

I started with things I was fairly sure he’d like (pizza, nuggets, fish fingers) but it really took a long time. I made sure a food was reasonably well ‘bedded in’ before moving on.

So I started with a small slice of pizza and he cried and didn’t want to but I hugged him and told him I understood how hard it was but it would be really good for him. When he has a bite of something new we cheer him on and high five him afterwards. Then I check he likes it. He almost always said ‘yes’ so next day a bit more and after about 2 weeks pizza was ‘in the mix’. I just did that with each food.

He has various coping strategies which I support. Eg, yesterday was cucumber - he asked if he could cover his mouth for a count of five first so I said yes and counted with him then got him to chew it quickly.

I think the main thing is we’re firm so he knows he’s got to try but we do allow him some control and I genuinely listen if he really isn’t keen.

It’s slow, but it worked for us and it’s been transforming. Literally. I dreaded going to someone’s house or would never eat out but now it’s fine - everywhere does pasta or cottage pie or pizza or nuggets.

Sorry - that’s a bit of a tome

[lljkk]

I don't know any kids with HFA. I do, however, know plenty of (not ASD, not anything) kids at 5yo who would have eaten a vastly shorter list of foods than OP listed. Including DS. Who has sobbed rather than eat anything new (he's better now at 10yo, will actually try many things). You've done super well. Serious

[AnxiousPeg]

Thank you for sharing this. And well done!

We are still struggling with food with our 7 year old. You give me hope!

Wet food is the main issue...

Going to try some of your tactics...

[Merryoldgoat]

Oh, the other thing is pick my battles. If I have, say, half an apple and he’s really not keen, we’ll bargain on how much I’d acceptable for him to eat so he always feels like he has some control.

[funmummy48]

Well done!

[welshmist]

Our third child would only eat far less foods than you have managed to introduce. A turning point for us was an all inclusive holiday with the huge buffet choice when he was 8. He proudly took his plate around and chose his own food, he ate things that we could not get him to eat at home. I was sneakily watching him to get some ideas. Now 16 he loves sushi, olives, hot hot curries, anything italian, most chinese dishes, chilli sauces the hotter the better as well as normal family meals.