Controlling husband of friend

[DucksOnThePond]

There is a mum in my Ds's year who's husband seems to have her on a total leash. I don't want to give too many details away about individual situations as I am sure you understand it could be outing but think about a constant presence, inability to go to anything of an evening, financial control as a start point. I real worry that if this is what can sneak out from conversation, there could be deeper and even bigger problems behind closed doors. What do I do?

[FASH84]

If you don't want to ask her outright, is there a film, TV show (the archers) that you both watch that shows a controlling relationship? That could be a good starting point?

[humblesims]

Does he accompany her on the school run? could you invite her out for lunch or a play date? And just let her know that you are a listening ear if she needs one?

[Ohmydayslove]

Does she seem happy or not? Guessing not but you can’t give details.

Can you see her in thr day?

[DucksOnThePond]

We do play dates - that’s how I know some of this stuff. Normal questions get the oddest responses that don’t make sense until you match something said at another time or an action or something.

Fash84 - it’s like everything is timed and with the children. It’s a good idea tho but I almost couldn’t get her on her own unless I totally ambushed her.

Humblesims - he goes to work so no. But anything else - parties, trips out, always always there...

Ohmydayslove - it’s like she is programmed. It’s heartbreaking as I feel like she doesn’t see life like you or I might. And he is her only source of anything

[MyNameIsTotoro]

Does she talk about it as in "this is my reality and it seems totally normal to me, so why wouldn't I discuss it"

Or...

"I get that this is wrong and I'm trying to reach out in any time way I can"

Coercive control is so insidious it can be hard to realise it's happening to you. So much of it is done under the guise of "I do this because I love you" etc. A particularly hard nut to crack.

Lots more information out there now though thankfully. My HV had to talk me through what was actually quite a useful leaflet as part of my recent birth visit. Maybe you could ring you local HV team and see if they have similar? You could keep hold of it until there was a good time to discuss/share with her. She may not be open to it though. She may not even realise it's happening to her, or be in a position to act.

[WhiteCoyote]

I’ve been in that relationship op, and unfortunately as much as your concerned about her, there’s literally nothing you can ever say or do to make her see sense. She’s got to come to conclusion on her own. She believes she truly loves that controlling and manipulative man and she’ll stick by him. She won’t believe he’s a bad person.

I know how hard it must be to see, but she chooses to be with him.

[DucksOnThePond]

I know she needs to see it herself. He has got her to the point where she literally has nothing without him. It is heartbreaking