To expect help when I am feeling pressure

[Laundrychaos]

I work very limited hours equivalent of 1 day a week and one day studying. Dh works full time. We have 3 dds from 4 to 14.
2 have some minor sen.
I do all the regular housework, shopping, laundry, feeding, school runs, club runs, school admin, medical appointments and hands on childcare in the week as you would expect due to working hours
Dh does Bill paying, cooks the odd meal orders a takeaway and will look after kids if I am not there. He also takes youngest to an activity Saturday morning. I have a small self employment where I occasionally work at the weekend.
Dh has a season ticket for a football team so is often out on a Saturday for part of day.
So here is my aibu. Last night little one was violently sick several times in the night. I was up most of the night comforting child and changing beds etc.
This morning I got up and took dd2 to her activity as normal. Dh stayed home with dd1 and dd3.
I returned back to find dh watching footy on telly. Dd3 was in her room playing.
The laundry put on was still in machine soaking wet. Machine is temperamental. It makes an audible sound when finished so surely he could have sorted it. Even when I moaned about about the laundry it just didn't register.
He has now pissed off to football leaving me with a laundry mountain.
Aibu to think he should have stepped up. I am still fuming.

[Laundrychaos]

Odd meal at weekend.

[MinisterforCheekyFuckery]

I am a firm believer that when a child is ill it's all hand on deck, whatever your normal division of labour looks like. Not unreasonable at all to expect him to do some washing while you were gone. Did your DH not get up in the night to help when little one was vomiting? This would infuriate me. It's so much easier if one of you strips the bed and puts a wash on, while the other cleans up and comforts the child.

[Livingtothefull]

No you are not BU to want support when you are under particular pressure. Does your DH have form for doing this kind of thing, or was it a one off?

It may be worth discussing with DH once he is back and explaining what you needed from him by way of support, i.e. that as you had been up all night caring for your DC you needed him to step up and ensure that the laundry was sorted out, other DC cared for etc.

Not saying you should have to do this, or that he shouldn't know what support you need without you having to spell it out. But if you explain to him clearly what you expect from him & what a partnership means (e.g. that each partner supports the other when under particular pressure) then this may make him more aware in the future?

[Laundrychaos]

It is just increasingly like he feels that certain things are my job. Which on an average day or week that is fair.
However I am concerned that this will never change even when I up my working hours.
Calm conversation needed.

[Laundrychaos]

No he never gets up in the night. I guess it goes with the sah territory. Only lost it once when he claimed he didn't hear. Had one vomiting child and a new born to care for. I was fuming.

[MinisterforCheekyFuckery]

If I was SAH and DH worked full time I wouldn't necessarily expect him to get up in the night for the run of the mill things like bad dreams, night feeds etc but a child being violently sick is a completely different ball game! I just don't see how anyone could lie in bed and let their partner deal with that on their own.

[Idontdowindows]

I find it amazing that you say that you work limited hours.

From where I sit it looks like you're working virtually around the clock....

[Laundrychaos]

Paid work buy yes looming after kids and home is work too.

[Nkhutch]

Yanbu I would expect the same. In all fairness my partner works, I don't but when she gets home she still cooks meals on days off helps with tidying/ laundry etc. A house is a home made by the adults living there and a family is raised by all parents. One parent shouldn't get let off because they work more than the other, because otherwise when is your " day off"