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AIBU?

To think this isn’t a sign of a good manager?

33 replies

alligatortoss · 23/03/2018 14:35

Signed off with stress, asked upon my return if I just want to get straight back into work or do I need a conversation?

Just have a horrible feeling that I’ll get zero support and be expected to get back into the stress that was crippling me.

OP posts:

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NFATR · 23/03/2018 14:38

I'm not sure I see the problem. If you need to have a conversation about support, have one?

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UsedtobeFeckless · 23/03/2018 14:38

Um, l'd just think they were trying to establish if you needed any help and if so what kind ...

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Sirzy · 23/03/2018 14:38

Wouldn’t the point of the conversation too be to see if they can do anything to support you?

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Trinity66 · 23/03/2018 14:40

I have no idea what the issue is here. Seems like a good thing for a manager to say?

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DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 23/03/2018 14:41

I had no wish to talk after I'd been signed off. I'd have loved this approach!

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iklboo · 23/03/2018 14:42

It'll be a conversation to see how they can support your return to work - eg reduced hours / days, working from home (if you have that), reasonable adjustments etc.

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Makingworkwork · 23/03/2018 14:44

How long have you been off? Have you been off with work related stress or other?

It sounds like they don’t want to make that first day back to pressured. I have been signed off with work related stress and when I go back on Monday I have two back to work meeting which I would rather not be having on the first day back. Gods knows when I will actually have time to my prep for my job.

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Cornettoninja · 23/03/2018 14:45

As a stand alone statement there's nothing wrong with that imho. People deal with and react to stress differently.

My dp would detest being made to talk about it whereas I would appreciate a conversation.

Your manager (I presume) isn't a trained counsellor so while the wording could have been less blunt it's conveyed a very inoffensive message,

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soundsystem · 23/03/2018 14:46

Sounds ok to me! I’ve been off with stress before, and I needed some time to deal with things and then get back to work. I really wouldn’t have wanted to have a conversation about it on my first day back!

It sounds like oh do need/want that support, so just say that, yes a conversation would be good?

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teaiseverything · 23/03/2018 14:51

I'd have loved this. I've been signed off in the past with stonking depression relapses and the last thing I want when I go back is to have an awkward conversation with someone reciting rubbish from HR training.

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LeggyLinda · 23/03/2018 15:05

Are you able to expand on your worries?
On the face of it this sounds like the actions of a good, caring manager.

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alligatortoss · 23/03/2018 15:06

I was signed off directly due to work related stress. So she almost expects me to walk back in on Monday and pick up where I left off and be in the exact same position.

OP posts:

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Trinity66 · 23/03/2018 15:08

She literally asked if you wanted to have a conversation though?

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troodiedoo · 23/03/2018 15:09

You need to have a conversation then and suggest what changes can be made to help your workload.

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BackforGood · 23/03/2018 15:11

Agree with everyone else. She isn't expecting you to walk back in and pick up, she has offered to meet you to talk about what has happened / is happening / might change going forward.

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teaiseverything · 23/03/2018 15:16

It doesn't sound like she's expecting that. She asked if you wanted to have a conversation in which I would imagine she would have expected you to bring up any issues re. management of workload while things get better for you.

Some people like to get back, not talk about what's gone on and get through the turmoil by chucking themselves back in the deep end. Others need a different approach. She was leaving it open for you to do either as far as I can tell.

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nikkylou · 23/03/2018 15:25

Depends how she phrased it. However I expect she has to have some form of return to work conversation with you.
It may be she's sussing out whether you want/need a proper conversation for allowances and adaptations for you to return (so she can get a head start on thinking up ideas, putting things in place etc.)

Or if she just needs to do the box ticking and you plan to come back with minimal change.

She may know you why you why signed off but may not know what you might expect on your return and what needs to change.

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Snowysky20009 · 23/03/2018 15:28

But she asked if you want a conversation- so that's not expecting you to get stuck straight back in, is it?

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HoarseMackerel · 23/03/2018 15:28

I've had two incidents where my manager has spoken to me about time off.
One was stress related and he caused it! I didn't want to talk to him at all.
The other was 'Woman's problems' and I said to him straight away that it was a discussion we would be having.
I think it is considerate to give you the choice as some people feel awkward discussion issues.
It sounds like they are giving you the choice to lie low if you want to and get back to work without a fuss.

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Hypermice · 23/03/2018 15:52

Your answer is, via email: ‘looking forward to getting back to it - yes we should definitely have a meeting to discuss ...,’

Then go and set out what you need and expect. And follow it up in writing.

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Ilovecamping · 23/03/2018 15:53

I was signed off a few years ago with work related stress caused by a manager, I was visited at home by another manager before going back to work to see if I wanted a phased return. When I returned to work I had no dealings with the manager who caused the problem. If it’s worrying you speak with HR.

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VladmirsPoutine · 23/03/2018 15:58

Are you sure you're ready to go back? Are you sure you want to still be in the same position you were in?

The world needs to turn with or without you. She asked if you wanted a conversation. What would you have liked her to do?

I'm not sure you're really ready to get back on the saddle, as it were.

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PuppyMonkey · 23/03/2018 16:02

I think what OP means is that having been signed off with stress, of course she needs a blinking meeting rather than getting “straight back into work.”

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Trinity66 · 23/03/2018 16:06

I think what OP means is that having been signed off with stress, of course she needs a blinking meeting rather than getting “straight back into work.

which the manager offered...............

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hairycoo · 23/03/2018 16:08

What PuppyMonkey said. You'd have to be a pretty fucking stupid manager to even think that a person signed off with stress (specifically related to work) could return and just go back to work as though nothing had happened. If your manager genuinely thinks like that then she's not fit for purpose, and if she doesnt think like that, then she's bloody stupid for suggesting it. So YANBU, your manager is useless!