AIBU left out of family gatherings

[user1498912461]

Found out via my mum the other day that my Auntie and Uncle are having a gathering (meal out) for their Golden Wedding Anniversary. My brother, cousins, other family members and my parents have all been invited. Yet again my husband and I have received no invite. This is the third family gathering that we have been excluded from. The entire family is invited apart from us. It’s incredibly hurtful. I have to then listen to a detailed description of the evening, what everyone wore/ate/said etc. The last gathering I was invited to they had a “no child” rule, I arranged childcare but was let down at the last minute and couldn’t go. Since then it’s like I am being punished. I’ve confronted my mum about this and she said that things are different now that I “have children and live far away”. I live 20 minuets from the city (not far away at all). I am trying to work out if my husband and I are being invited via my parents but my mum is deciding on our behalf that we can’t go. She’s old fashioned and believes that you shouldn’t attend social gatherings once you have children. She keeps saying “things are different now”. AIBU to be hurt and feel like I’m not a part of the family anymore?

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Ask your aunt and uncle what is going on. Just be blunt, you need to know.

[Troels]

Message your Aunt, say nice to hear you had a lovely time, We would have loved to be there to help you celebrate. then see what she says.
Are you sure your Mum isn't telling people, Don't invite User, she won't be able to come.

[Idontdowindows]

Talk to your aunt and uncle! Don't let your mother be a go-between for you and make sure you let people know what the real story is instead of what she tells them.

[Whatififall]

Definitely contact your Aunt & Uncle direct.
We had a similar situation where we’d extend an invite to my Mam’s Aunt and her daughter to family things. They never came. Then one day the daughter spoke to my Mam (they are cousins) about how hurt she was that she’d been left out, my Mam had to explain she’d asked her Aunt and cousin by default. It turned out since my Mum’s Uncle had died her Aunt had not wanted to socialise and so was declining invitations without even letting my mam’s cousin know.

[WheresTheHooferDoofer]

It sounds like the event hasn't happened yet. So get in touch with your Aunt and UNcle, as pp have said and see what reply you get. You can then take it from there.

And if it does turn out your mum is censoring invites to you, she needs to be told that you are an adult and make your own decisions, at the same time as your family being told to invite you directly in future.

[Eliza9917]

She’s old fashioned and believes that you shouldn’t attend social gatherings once you have children. She keeps saying “things are different now”.

Without being rude, but what the fuck kind of planet does your mother live on??

[Permane]

I would definitely contact your aunt and uncle directly.

Things just don't sit right. If you had been excluded from a wider family event by the hosts then surely the very last thing that your closer, invited, family members would be doing would be talking excessively about the event in your presence (talking about the previous events here).

I've never heard the old fashioned rule about not attending gathering once you have children - sounds utterly bizarre to me!

[AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork]

If he etiquette is that One doesn't attend functions once you have children, what the Jeff is your mother, who has by the very definition of the word, had children, doing going to them?

[5foot5]

Could your brother shed any light on this? He might know in what form and to who the invitation was issued.

If he confirms that your Mum is not passing the invite on and turning it down on your behalf I would definitely contact your Aunt direct and also give your Mum a rocket for interfering like this

[WheresTheHooferDoofer]

It must be a really old fashioned idea, because I'm almost 50 and I've never heard of this idea that having DCs means no social life.

[Idontdowindows]

It must be a really old fashioned idea, because I'm almost 50 and I've never heard of this idea that having DCs means no social life.

Really really old fashioned, cause I'm well over and that didn't even go for my mother!

[Knittedfairies]

Just ask your aunt and uncle; you've no idea what your mum has told them!

[emmyrose2000]

She’s old fashioned and believes that you shouldn’t attend social gatherings once you have children

Does your mum have a history of making rubbish up? This has never, ever been a rule/belief/way of life. If it was, most of the world's population would never socialise.

[MrsDilber]

Your DM accepting that your brother is invited and you are not is not acceptable. I've had something similar in my family, it's hurtful.

[redexpat]

I put money on you have been invited and your dm having declined on your behalf.

[CuboidalSlipshoddy]

Social events include seeing your mother. Stop doing that. Stop her seeing your children too. She sounds stupid and controlling.

[MammaAgata]

I agree with idea that you’ve been invited via your ‘D’M but she’s declined on your behalf. That’s the sort of game my mum likes playing. Go straight to the source, ask your Aunt and Uncle and bypass your Mum. If you find out you are invited I wouldn’t even discuss with DM, I would just turn up.