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Am I being a bit precious?

(28 Posts)
flumpybear Tue 13-Mar-18 18:02:56

Ok MN vipers tell me how it is

At work today we're doing a big project worth millions blah blah - one leader and everyone else has their job to do at various bits - we're all specialist in our fields

After the meeting today one bloke, same level as me but slightly different role - his is short term whereas mine is longer as in it's within my management structure for its duration (-'along with loads of other things so it's essentially being run by my staff once it gets off the ground but long term my responsibility)

Today he managed, within 20 seconds to say

Hi, thanks for doing XYZ (my clearly defined role and very pivotal so important in context of today but essentially we're all delivering equally important roles, but what I do had FUCK ALL to do with him in the slightest and never would even be something he's considered able to do or give views on)) ... then, whilst my face was turning to stone and the frown started as I felt he was 'thanking me' for doing this thing for HIM he continued with .... did you see B (our other colleague) wasn't very clued up (because it's not her job ... she does other things which weren't discussed today that he s has zero experience or ruling over) I'm sure she'll catch up with me soon - I'll meet with her and make sure she does blah blah

I was stunned and quite abrupt saying well P I think if you deliver what you're supposed to do we can manage our own bits - he whittered on about things which I'm assuming he thought I had no experience with and I told him that's very normal and we're used to this but the thing you need to deliver always gets left til the last minute an d you perhaps can ensure that's covered?

I can't work out if
I'm being precious
He's trying to step on heads to elevate himself and make sure he 'manages us'
He's a male chauvinist (he's a man and we're both girls)

Should I run and hide from the feedback here hmm

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin Tue 13-Mar-18 18:09:17

C mansplaining F

flumpybear Tue 13-Mar-18 18:11:41

Oh not sure what that means ?

TERFragetteCity Tue 13-Mar-18 18:13:35

he's a man and we're both girls

Women. You are both women.

MereDintofPandiculation Tue 13-Mar-18 18:13:42

He's trying to advance his career. Don't trust him an inch.

TERFragetteCity Tue 13-Mar-18 18:13:57

Cheeky mansplaining fucker...CMF

Bigpizzalover Tue 13-Mar-18 18:14:24

It may be just how you have explained it but you seem more self righteous than him, without knowing your field I can’t really comment, but in my job I often thank other staff in other departments for doing something that although it may not directly relate to my role, means that I can do my job as they have done theirs, or I’ve simply given them some recognition for doing something needed.

Although ‘B’ might not be in his specific role if you are all working on a project together even in your own fields, it is helpful to know a little about each of the other fields/what they do/ how everyone links in to get the project completed, so It could be he is wanting her up to date on basic information, to ensure every area works together and has a bit of background

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 13-Mar-18 18:15:11

In his head, they are girls.

TroubledLichen Tue 13-Mar-18 18:15:18

That wasn’t the easiest to follow but I think it comes down to, is would he have said what he said if you and the other colleagues were men? To give him the benefit of the doubt, could it be that your company’s process is a bit confusing as per who is responsible for what and how much certain inviduals are involved? Plus if he’s a short term employee, maybe he just doesn’t understand the usual process. It’s very difficult to tell without being there, especially as so much depends on how something is said, but generally us women do develop a good sense of when we’re being talked down to so if instinct is telling you he’s a chronic mansplainer then you’re probably right.

Bluelady Tue 13-Mar-18 18:15:30

He's an arse.

JosephWearsNoPants Tue 13-Mar-18 18:16:54

he sounds self important. assert yourself .. he sounds the type to take the credit later. dont trust him.

LeighaJ Tue 13-Mar-18 18:42:03

He sounds annoying and not much different then a guy who use to work with my husband and liked to pretend in his own head that he in someway understood my husband's role and and managed my husband. Neither were true, he was just trying to seem more important than he actually was.

Whatshallidonowpeople Tue 13-Mar-18 18:59:05

I can't work out what you are going on about. I hope you are more concise in the multi million pound meetings or I can understand why he was talking to you.

flumpybear Tue 13-Mar-18 19:00:24

We don't tend to do 'process' as we tend to do more problem solving and strategy type roles as admin team tend to do all process type things and it's not relevant at this point in time but will be later

FranticallyPeaceful Tue 13-Mar-18 19:01:42

Just a simple case of him trying to look better in front of people

flumpybear Tue 13-Mar-18 19:04:09

Sorry I'm trying to be as unidentifiable as possible. Essentially we work in different fields In a situation where sometimes our roles come together on certain larger projects - neither has any seniority over each other

flumpybear Tue 13-Mar-18 19:05:43

@frantic - don't think so as he approached me afterwards when I was on my own waiting for the next meeting and he was leaving as not involved with the next meetings issues (unrelated)

Dozer Tue 13-Mar-18 19:41:05

You both sound egotistical!

flumpybear Tue 13-Mar-18 19:53:54

Ouch dozer

To be honest it's my job to run departments and bring in money, I manage a person who manages our processes in the departments. I am the overall manager for, this is around 200 people. I didn't say that before as I thought it may make me sound egotistical - if I don't do it then nobody else does, it's my job. I'd be failing if I didn't do it. I don't have a high ego and I make sure that people who run our departments, admin and more junior managers, are the people who get rewarded, so I ensure lots of rewards are given and ensure my staff who also manage staff give rewards and I ensure here's sufficient budget for it
If that makes me egotistical than yea I'm guilty but I really don't feel very egotistical I feel the teams I manage actually make the wheels turn, if I don't show up for a few days it doesn't really matter, but if they don't turn up all hell breaks lose and the work flow and actions slow down which isn't ideal but happens - my team mean a lot to me because they make the departments function much better

NotTakenUsername Tue 13-Mar-18 19:59:48


he's a man and we're both girls

Women. You are both women.

As I read it, that was the OP’s point. But to him they are ‘girls’

flumpybear Tue 13-Mar-18 20:04:47

Sorry yes we're both women, in our 40's and i'd guess he's about the same age too

DietCokeGirrrrrl Tue 13-Mar-18 20:09:21

Mansplaining: when men take it upon themselves to explain things to women on the assumption that the woman needs the thing explained, despite him having no reason to believe she needs the explanation, and often in the face of compelling evidence to the contrary (I.e. She is the same level of seniority / an expert in her field).

Sounds like a textbook case! It's so infuriating. I like to counter it by pretending not to understand their increasingly simplistic explanations until you see it slowly dawn on their faces that you're fucking with them.

falsepriest Tue 13-Mar-18 20:11:41

Fuck me, I'm lost already.

"Thanks flumpybear for doing [flumpybearsjob], did you see [colleague] wasn't as clued up [on not her job], but I'm sure she'll catch up with me soon - I'll meet with her and make sure she does [whatever]"


Is it not just a bloke (eugh men!) talking / smalltalking after some corporate crap trying to "touch base" with others involved, etc?

flumpybear Tue 13-Mar-18 20:16:49

@DietCokeGirrrrrl - yes I think that sounds like what I though he was doing - love the word lol!

flumpybear Tue 13-Mar-18 20:18:39

@falsepriest - yup sums it up about right I think - and there really wasn't any need for him to say anything really as he didn't move anything forward or so anything

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