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To give up on this relationship, dont know how to move forward?

(4 Posts)
Countingsheeeep Sun 11-Feb-18 17:42:40

Posted in relationships but braving aibu for more advice braces self

Sorry this is going to be long...i'm really struggling with my relationship with mil. I have known her now for nearly 11 years and things continue to become more and more strained and I wish it wasnt this way.

This weekend has left me feeling so deflated and like I should just give up with the whole thing.

In summary, mil came to visit to see Dc1. She has made it explicitly clear over the weeks leading up to the visit that she is only here to see Dc1, doesn't want to go out anywhere, and just wants to "play on the floor with her all day". Not my idea of a fun weekend given I'm a sahm and stuck in most of the week, but if Dc1 is happy then so am I so we didn't plan anything.

She basically sat on the sofa for the entire day, and barely played with Dc1, only in asking her to bring stuff which Dc1 didn't understand as she is only 1. "Bring grandma that book", "bring grandma that toy" and so on. Dc1 just pottered around as usual and dh and I were the ones doing the entertainment.

She then made a big show and dance about DD eyes being blue, totally baffled as to where she got them from as dh eyes are eyes are blue but apparently mil was flummoxed and didn't even look at me during the entire conversation. It was like I didn't exist.

She then for the second time this week told me that Dc1 saying "mama" actually means "Nana" which I found upsetting.

She laid sprawled across the sofa whilst I made her lunch, I am 7.5 months pregnant with awful SPD which I had only just told her about, she didn't offer to lift a finger, I was only making sandwiches but with the state of my SPD at the moment it's an exhausting task. Dh offered to help, but as Dc1 needed entertaining and mil wasn't doing that, I told him I would make lunch.

She helped herself to tea but didn't offer to make anyone else one. Took hers and dh plate to the kitchen but left mine.

I know all of this seems a bit petty, but it makes for such an unpleasant day sad

On top of this, I turn 30 in the next couple of days, mil has given me a card but no present. I am not one to make a big deal out of presents, however we made a huge fuss of her the previous year for a big birthday of hers, and I feel as though it was all wasted effort (we flew abroad to a city she wanted to visit, I arranged a meal at a special restaurant for her and all her guests, bought presents etc). She didn't buy me a Xmas present this year either, even though we bought her one.

She commented on me not having anymore children after this one as "I have to be able to treat them.all equally"...I have no idea what this was supposed to mean.

She then commented that if we wanted to celebrate my 30th later in the year once dC2 arrives and is settled, that she would take Dc1, but dC2 would have to come with us. At this stage I wouldn't really feel comfortable leaving either of them with her if she has bad feelings towards me, but that doesn't exactly sound like she is planning to treat them equally. She has been trying to get Dc1 alone since she was 10 days old, so it wouldn't make sense that it's just because dC2 will be a baby and Dc1 is a toddler.

This is only a weekend of stuff, the same type of thing has been going on for the last 11 years, I feel like giving up with trying to have any kind of relationship with her. Tbh it just seems like she doesn't like me.

Should I keep trying? Wwyd?

Yvonne1958 Sun 11-Feb-18 19:49:53

What does your DH think about the way your MIL is behaving? I’m a MIL and if I behaved like that to my DDIL my DS would take me aside and tell me in no uncertain terms to behave.
She sounds awful and I would understand why you would want to give up.
He should be supporting you.

iamafraidofvirginiawolves3cats Sun 11-Feb-18 21:52:54

I commented on your other thread but think you just need to either say something to the wicked old bat or ‘be too ill’ to have her over. Don’t be the least bit subtle about it.

Tell her the night before and have something that means she can’t come over- flu, cold, D and V, flee infestation, dizziness,. If DH takes LO to visit her - fine.

But really...Stop OBSESSING about this fucking woman because it makes you very, very unhappy

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 11-Feb-18 22:00:05

I don't see the point in you seeing her again. This woman is treating you badly and it doesn't sound as though your husband is standing up for you.

I think you'd be quite justified in saying she couldn't come to the house unless your husband was in. He should be the one to tell her that.

In fact really perhaps he could take your child to visit her instead, so that your home is a MIL free zone. She sounds a really horrible woman.

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