Lost my friends(15 Posts)
This will be long.
My best friend got a new BF just under a year ago. He was a friend of a friend. He's hated me since day one. He's called me names, given me dirty looks and even went as far as trying to burn me once.
No matter what he says or does she won't admit he's wrong. She blames it on me, I intimidate him and he's not good at socialising etc. This guy has also rubbed our friends up the wrong way. He has complained about her spending too much time with friends and not enough with him. When she isn't in the room he will be rude and ignore everyone else and when she enters the room he becomes a different person.
The problem arises during one party. I brought my new BF. Her BF was rude to me as usual. I said hello and he looked me up and down. Others commented on it but I ignored it. My BF said something to her (not sure on the facts as I wasn't there). She didn't speak to me for a week until I asked what was wrong. As soon as she told me I cleared everything up between them and apologised.
I raised this point with her, said we shouldn't fight with each other and ruin years of friendship over men and she cried. She blamed her BF's actions on me. She said she didn't think he would do those things etc. Our friends saw her cry and immediately demonised me. Now they won't speak to me either although they have all come to me in the past to talk about their issues with him.
I don't know what I did wrong. All I said was we shouldn't fight over our BFs and now I have no friends.
Sounds like you're better off without them all
The boyfriend sounds like one of those who tries to separate his partner from friends and family, due to his own insecurities. I reckon your friend will be back once she's had enough of his suffocating ways.....if you want her back.
He tried to burn you??? I'd make sure you leave the way open for the friend to come to you if/when he turns violent.
Thanks for your comments. I know you're right but it still hurts. It's not easy making new friends but I guess I don't really have a choice anymore.
You sound like you’re about 14. If everyone else has seen him being horrible and they all sob like him then why would they blame you? Maybe they were just gossiping about him with you because they are a bunch of gossips? Either way, it doesn’t sound like anyone else is having real issues with him?
Also if someone’s new bf turned up and started criticising me because of the relationship between my friend and partner, we’ll I’d be pretty annoyed too. I think you should get clear on what he actually said to her. It really wasn’t his place to say anything to her at all.
How did he try to burn you? I must admit, that rather jumped out at me.
He tried to burn you?? I do hope it was an accident and not deliberate. What did you do then? Sounds to me like you had a lucky escape, if you feel so inclined I'd try to be there
if when your friend needs you, because she will.
'even went as far as trying to burn me once.'
My new BF didn't turn up and start criticising her because of the relationship between me and partner. He made a comment about the music at the party. It was frankly very silly. I only said I'm not sure on the facts because I didn't see it happen and they each have their own version, which albeit similar, not the same.
To everyone else asking - we were in the garden one night after a concert warming ourselves by a chiminea. He leaned over a friend of ours who was between us to get to me and pushed me into it.
I'm not in school however I do realise it's all very childish and stupid. That's why I came here for opinions on it. As you can tell I don't have many people left to talk to about it and I do think it's all a bit much and frankly can't understand/see another viewpoint.
OP, it's a horrible situation. I had a close friend who has an awful BF now fiance and he's slowly alienating her from all her friends. Of course it's all our fault that we don't like him and don't make him feel welcome... Best advice I can offer is text her and say how upset you are about all of this but you're going to struggle to see her when she's with him so you'd rather see her alone and not talk about him. If she has a problem with this, then she's not as good a friend as you think she is. Just say you're sorry she feels that way and you're here if she ever needs you. It's hard but unless you want to lose her completely as a friend then you need to take the high road and take a step back.
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