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To ask DC to remove tags to inappropriate social media posts?

(24 Posts)
BlindLemonAlley Tue 06-Feb-18 20:29:53

I try keep an eye on DCs online social media accounts. They are don’t really post much but my issue is that occasionally friends will post a joke, a video or a quote that is inappropriate or bordering offensive and they tag or mention DC and other friends. If I see this we have a chat about the implications of being linked to such posts and I ask them to remove the tag. Their accounts have been changed so that tags have to be manually added. However, if their name is mentioned in a comment under postas far as I am aware only the person that has posted the comment can remove this.

My DCs think that I am being really over the top, apparently I the only parent that does this and the only one checks their DCs social media. I sometimes think that maybe they are right, as the parents of the DCs posting this stuff clearly are either not bothered or don’t check.

AIBU to do this? I just feel like I am fighting a loosing battle as even if my DCs are not posting anything untoward online their friends are tagging them or mentioning them in relation to things that they cannot control. Grrrrrrrrrr


BlindLemonAlley Tue 06-Feb-18 20:31:35

Apologies for typos, angry typing after a long dayblush

NewYearNewMe18 Tue 06-Feb-18 20:32:51

How old is your Child?

NotSoSprightly Tue 06-Feb-18 20:33:51

You don't mention how old your child is but my initial reaction is that you're being OTT.

BlindLemonAlley Tue 06-Feb-18 20:34:00

DCs are 12 &14

coldstreams Tue 06-Feb-18 20:34:57

Do they say “only mains tagged”with a list of about 100 kids? grin

Abracadabraapileofbollocks Tue 06-Feb-18 20:35:17

Not OTT. That stuff will be around for years for future employers to review.

Iworrytoomuchh Tue 06-Feb-18 20:36:03

I think you’re being OTT. Let your kids grow up, you can’t helicopter parent forever and will end up pushing them away and unable to talk to you. Unless it’s really awful content I think you need to take a step back.

stickytoffeevodka Tue 06-Feb-18 20:38:00

I think you're being a bit OTT.

So long as their accounts are locked down, nobody can see it except those on their friends lists.

I'd have been very hmm if my mum tried to tell me to untag myself from things at 14.

MrsJoshDun Tue 06-Feb-18 20:39:50

How would future employers be able to view it? As long as their social media is friends only then no employer will be able to see anything. In which case I would say leave them to it.

As he gets older and more sensible he can always delete anything if he’s embarrassed by it.

CommanderDaisy Tue 06-Feb-18 20:44:48

You are being an awesome parent checking your kids social media, and don't let them tell you otherwise. The world needs more parents like you.

If they are younger or if they are older a chat about digital footprints would be a good idea, and how all this stuff they get tagged in - is searchable and goes towards creating an online picture of what they are like as a person. If they are constantly linked to dodgy content, it doesn't speak well to character. Recruiters and employers increasing search people online, viewing their history of behaviours , what you do on social media CAN affect your future prospects especially when the content is offensive. IRL, individuals have been fired for this kind of thing. It is worth being mildly concerned about.

If they are tired of you looking over their shoulder physically, you can install a program like Qustodio which will report to you each week what their online activity is - in the form of an email summary of all actions.

I've put a couple of links below for both your kids and you with steps on how to limit this tagging, and who views it. It can be controlled , though not stopped - but there are ways to prevent it appearing on your kids timeline/feed, and therefore disassociating them from it.

LovingLola Tue 06-Feb-18 20:45:25

I think you are wise.
Also does your 12 year old have the same online freedom as your 14 year old?

Dobbythesockelf Tue 06-Feb-18 20:47:46

What sort of inappropriate things are we talking about? I think it really does depend on what they are being tagged in.

BlindLemonAlley Tue 06-Feb-18 20:51:25

@Abracadaba That’s kind of my concern

@IWorry It’s things like joke videos for example laughing someone disabled falling out of a wheelchair

billybagpuss Tue 06-Feb-18 20:52:20

You are not being OTT.

My DD's BF has been estranged from his DF for over 2 years. He got turned down for a high profile security services job, despite passing all of the interview/fitness sections because he failed the enhanced security check because of inappropriate content on his DF's FB profile.

NotSoSprightly Tue 06-Feb-18 20:52:44

Abra Oh come on. You really think an employer is going to see content from ten years previous that they didn't even post, but were tagged in? I recruit social media agents for a global company and I can assure you that we do not give one jot about someone's personal content unless it's racist or homophobic or otherwise offensive in a very bad way.

Lucymek Tue 06-Feb-18 20:54:48


Unless it was illegal stuff I struggle to belive this is true!! Surely it has no relevance what his dad posts !! What was he posting ?? shock

MrsJoshDun Tue 06-Feb-18 21:00:56

I can’t even view dds fb page as she has it locked down so tight so god knows how an employer would.

billybagpuss Tue 06-Feb-18 21:02:21

I'm afraid absolutely true, it was racist stuff. Legal but not nice and for the role they had to do an in depth family check.

Voice0fReason Tue 06-Feb-18 22:49:02

Being tagged in a few inappropriate posts as a teenager will not be a concern to any potential employer.

Just telling your children to untag themselves is pointless. It would be better to discuss whether it is appropriate to laugh at a disabled person falling out of their wheelchair. They then might choose to untag themselves having gained a better understanding of the person being videoed and the issue of sharing these kinds of posts.
What you are teaching them is about covering their own backside and that it's fine to find these things funny as long as other people don't find out.

IlikemyTeahot Tue 06-Feb-18 22:49:43

I would think 12 & 14 year olds are
a little young for social media....but that's just my opinion

upsideup Tue 06-Feb-18 22:56:46

A future employer is not going to know/care that they were tagged in a comment below an inappropiate image/video. You dont consent to being tagged and I could tag complete strangers in comments if I wanted.
YANBU to check your kids social medias, make sure they dont post anything inappopriate and to talk to them about the stuff they might see online but I think thats as far as it needs to go.

BlindLemonAlley Wed 07-Feb-18 14:50:22

@Voice I do talk to them about the content and the inappropriateness, not just about covering your backside. As an adult I wouldn’t want to be associated with certain things posted by others online as and my DCs have a right not to be linked to this stuff either.

Like it or not people do judge others increasingly on their online presence and things have a way of catching up with you in the future.

BayLeaves Wed 07-Feb-18 14:57:42

If I were employing someone, recruiting someone for a competitive university place, or even if I were a landlord screening a potential tenant, I can’t say it wouldn’t affect my judgement if I saw idiotic, racist, ableist etc posts come up even from a few years back.

I mean if they’re the only applicant that’s different but if it’s a close call between the applicant who seems squeaky clean and the applicant that has all this shitty stuff on their wall, most people would choose the squeaky clean one!

And yes even if it’s “10 years back” these things do have a way of rising to the surface due to privacy settings, algorithm changes etc. I can imagine that as people accumulate a longer and longer Facebook history the company will continue introducing easier ways of searching and browsing back in time too.

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