Moving to be with partner?(11 Posts)
AIBU? Me and my partner met 9 months ago in Manchester where he lives (I was on a training course) I live on the outskirts of SW London. On our first date he told me I was the woman he was going to marry I laughed it off and told him not unless he was willing to move where I live. It was a bit of a whirlwind romance and 3 months later we were engaged, I did make sure he knew I was serious about staying where I live and he said he was fine with it, liked it down south and was excited to move and we started looking at a few houses. Then his mum offered to buy us a house up in Manchester and he keeps trying to get me to change my mind. I work in London but if I did the same job in Manchester I would get nearly a 3rd less money than I do now and he will get the same if not more down here so while he keeps saying it’s cheaper up north we would earn less and I would have less career opportunities. The main reason that I want to stay Is my family I’m 27 and still living at home mainly so I can save up for a deposit but I do enjoy living with my parents and my sister is 10 minutes away, my dads 70 this year and my mums 66 so I want to spend as much time with them as possible. He’s 22 (nearly 23) but his mums only 41 so I don’t really think he gets it when I talk about that issue, I’m beginning to wonder if he is a little young for me 😞 I’ve asked him if it’s living near my parents that’s the problem but he says it’s not, we would be about 20 minutes away as we can’t affort to live right near them and there not the nosy type to just come around uninvited, we’ve been staying at each other’s house each other weekend for the last 6 months with parents and we all get on well so thats not an issue. Someone give me some honest opinions please.
He knew going into it that you wanted to stay in London.
You want to stay where you are. He wants you to move.
There's a dealbreaker right there, unless you want to do the long distance thing forever.
DH and I did long distance, and he started talking about me moving to where he was (not somewhere he had roots, he just happened to be there). I believe my response was “fuck that”.
I did however start looking at other jobs and moved to one I wanted in London (he commuted to London from where he lived). I sorted out a flat etc that I could manage on my own and after a few more months let him move in. After a number of years he sold his house and we moved back to where I’m from. We finally settled down and bought a house together about a year after we married.
I wasn’t about to give everything up so took control of it.
You made it very clear you were not going to move to him and he agreed to it. To be brutally honest you haven't been with him long enough to give up your area, family and career just for him. He hasn't given you good enough reasons to move or you wouldn't be on a forum asking for help.
Then his mum offered to buy us a house up in Manchester
Well she can spend the 200K or whatever on a deposit on a house in London then!
I simply wouldn't give up my friendships, family and career opportunities for a bloke. What happens when you have children - which is a natural progression - and you're stuck up there with no support network? Sod that!
I wouldn't be buying a house with a bloke after 9 months either, engaged or not. Not until I'd lived with him for a decent period and found out all his little habits and expectations
He’s not listening to you. He told you he was going to marry you when he was 21? His mum buys him a house so you have to move. You are happy, have friends and family where you are, and a good job, and he still wants you to move even though ont want to. He said that he would move and now he won’t. Where is the give and take in this relationship? Is it worth giving all that up for ‘love’.......and I’d be worried about his mum interfering in your life, buying a house for someone is a big thing. Is she doing it to keep him close.
I don't think either of you are unreasonable.
He wants to stay near his family and you want to stay near yours. Neither is wrong but it does suggest you are incompatible.
This house will be his so u told him from start u would not move it's him that changed so don't u change and why should u lose all the wages why doesn't his mum buy the house outside of were u live were it's cheaper xx
Unfortunately you're just getting to the point in the course of a relationship where you truly start to see if you're compatible or not, once the exciting new relationship feelings have died down a bit and you see each other for who they really are. The outcome of that is that you aren't compatible.
Btw, and I know not everyone will agree with me, I would run a mile from any man who said he wanted to marry me from the first date. Said in hindsight it's mildly endearing but said on your first date?! How did that seem normal to you? Too much, way too soon... and for him, very young too!
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