My DDs dad is abusive. He has threatened me in front of her, hes been abusive in every sense of the word; he's only allowed contact centre contact. I have a non mol against him.
He still makes my life hell. He comes into my work, he comes into my mums work. I suffer with pretty severe anxiety because of what he has put/ is putting me through.
He has severe mental health issues - but also takes a ton of drugs which exacerbates his MH issues. When he's clean, he's ok as a parent. But he's not been for a good year or two.
Anyway, I graduate next year. Most of the jobs in my field are in London. I know he won't get clean - he'll probably still be having contact centre visits for years. This will obviously be hard to facilitate working FT in a different city. If he was a normal dad, I could do EOW and half the holidays. But he's not, and a couple of hours twice a week supervised is all that ever looks likely.
Am I able and free to move? Both legally and morally? My outgoings now are extremely high - I live in a city which is as expensive as London, but with nowhere near the wages/ job opportunities.
Is this cruel? She loves her dad. But she's two and has no idea of the damage his on/ off, manic behaviour will cause in the future. And will we have to stay in a city we can't afford to facilitate his occasional contact?
If I can find a job that can pay for our house in this area, great. I'd rather be near my family, and have them for ad hoc childcare as well. I'd always be looking over my shoulder, but I'd always do what's best for my DD. I need to start applying next month, and wanted the consensus on whether I should be applying for jobs 2 hours away, in London?
I have a meeting with SS tomorrow and will ask their opinion. But if everyone says IABU, I won't even bother asking if it's going to make me look awful 
AIBU?
To move my daughter away from her dad?
7110234g · 20/11/2017 20:56
I wouldn't factor an abuser into any decision. Better career prospects are better for you and your daughters future. Dont feel guilty for that waste of air.
🙌🏼🙌🏼 thank you! Exactly my thoughts. 
If he is allowed contact, has this been agreed via a court? If you move away, would you need to get the contact arrangements altered? Bear this in mind and discuss it with social services.
It's not court ordered, no. I think he knows as he can't give up the drugs there's no point challenging things in court. Whether this will change in the future, I have no idea. But I've always followed what SS says, so have tried and failed to not be too terrified of CAFCASS if it ever came to that. Plus at my non mol case, the judge said he had daughters and he wished he had turned up so he could give him a piece of my mind 
also said if I ever end up in his court room again it better be as a lawyer, and to let me know if I want work exp with him (he said you're only 23? I wish I was 23. And I said well I wish I was a judge so sparked a conversation re future career prospects).
So if I move, and he takes me to court, do you think there's a possibility I'd have to move back? Because I honestly don't know if that'll be financially viable. As in - we'd be homeless, not as in we'd have to have a packet less of sushi this week.
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