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Need advice

(7 Posts)
Mummy19802b Fri 10-Nov-17 16:25:16

I have no one to really get an honest opinion So I’m hoping someone can help me see a bit more clearly

From the beginning
I got married much to my parents upset who then made the whole process of planning wedding awful, i was told they wouldn’t come and things I’d brought my mum for wedding a rather expensive outfit thrown back literally at Me a few days pre big day

No wedding present from them, they refused to pay for the wedding cake at 11th hour even though they had said they would because I couldn’t get a tasting, it was made by an old lady as a favour.

My mum never came to my hen which I organised myself and was constantly trying to interfere in my relationship with my husband playing mind games

Until eventually I think she just gave up because she knew it wasn’t working

All this made me very ill

The whole wedding i look back in sadness, me and my hubby have not even watched our wedding dvd because it makes us feel so sad

I was told whilst on honeymoon to collect my wedding presents which I’d had delivered to my parents whilst on honeymoon to either collect them or they throw them out

Fast forward a number years and my sister is getting married and things couldn’t be any different

My mum is organising her hen do

My mum just talks about the wedding constantly and even said because I didn’t come to your hen do I’m booking a fancy car for ur sisters hen do to take us to and from location because I thought that be nice?

Like somehow that just makes it ok

She has stumped up money left right and centre helping my sister and this is causing bad feeling between me and my sister because also she treats them so badly but gets treated like a princess by them and yet I just accept I’m the good daughter Who gets dumped on and something in me has just snapped I can’t do this

I actually cant continue with this whole facade

It’s eating away at me causing me to just feel depressed and sad

I’ve accepted that if I don’t go I can kiss goodbye to my family but I actually don’t care anymore

It all feels toxic

I’m just incredibly sad

I don’t hate my family I just can’t lie about how I feel and I do feel angry

My sister Never made any effort with my wedding either and is constantly telling my parents that they prefer me I guess so they say of course not! Just ridiculous behaviour and my mum told me that she is jealous of me

She has no reason to be believe me

So our relationship is not great as I’m sick of her negativity

Someone pls advice

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 10-Nov-17 16:28:57

What, if anything, do you get out of these relationships?

Mummy19802b Fri 10-Nov-17 16:32:12

Do you mean with my parents and sister? I’m not sure to be honest I’m wondering the same lately

TheSnowFairy Fri 10-Nov-17 16:33:33

Honestly?

I would go.

Otherwise the fall out will be huge.

Take your DH, have a nice day together, knowing you didn't need your family's approval and help but still made a decent job of your marriage.

And have plenty of this -> wine

KimmySchmidt1 Fri 10-Nov-17 17:00:17

I don't have facades with family. If my mother is rude or badly behaved i tell her (and vice versa). I would have dropped the worthless pair of shits cold stone dead for what they did to you - I don't understand why you would let yourself be treated so badly and then just smile sweetly and say thank you.

Its a bit late to tackle it now as it will seem like jealousy, why are you even speaking to them? I know it is painful, but they will not change and they will hurt you again, so stop trying to ingratiate yourself with them. you have been condoning their behaviour for years by not raising with them how unacceptable it is. I don't know how you can stand to speak to them about anything nevermind this wedding.

TitaniasCloset Fri 10-Nov-17 17:54:21

Your family are awful flowers

Notreallyarsed Fri 10-Nov-17 17:56:46

OP that sounds horrible, I understand why you’re so upset. My brother is getting married for the 2nd time in 5 years and the sole reason I’m going is that my dad would be devastated if I didn’t. That said, I have a good relationship with my dad. If he’d treated me the way your parents had I probably wouldn’t go.

I hope you can find the best solution for you, because that’s what matters here. How you feel, not what anyone else says or does.

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