To think don't sweat the small stuff

[brasty]

So many threads on here about people getting upset or offended about small stuff. Usually something said a bit clumsily, to them or their child. I am amazed people get so worked up about all this. Really some people must spend half their life being offended.
So AIBU to say, don't sweat the small stuff.

[Ilovelampandchair]

YANBU.

Unfortunately being offended or upset is often an outcome of people suffering from low self esteem or anxiety. So not sweating the small stuff is complicated and runs deeper than the incident.

[wasonthelist]

YANBU but it’s very entertaining to see what people think they are entitled to.

[brasty]

I hadn't realised this could be a result of low self esteem, although it makes perfect sense.

[Ilovelampandchair]

When someone says something that 'people' might find offensive I personally find it funny and feel a little sorry for the other person being awkward. For other people if they don't have great self esteem, all they hear is the 'offensive' comment and become fixated on that and internalise it. They can't help it!

I often think people who were bullied or have low resilience have learned to believe others are constantly out to get them. I've never had to feel like that so never take things as being about me, and can see the things that come out of other people's mouths as being wholely their responsibility and a reflection of them, not of me. A similarly resilient and happy person as me would simply hold their tongue or approach me properly, not make careless or passive aggressive comments.

That's how and why I can't remember being offended, ever.

[hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea]

I think people here do complain about the stupidest things, but I fucking HATE that phrase.
Life is made up of that small stuff. It's dismissive and its rude and its twatty to tell people that the things that concern them don't matter, that they aren't big enough. Fuck that, if it matters to me, then it matters. It's my life, it's my shit to be worried about. Not yours.

[brasty]

hotbuttered I am not trying to be dismissive. I just think it is a very unhappy way to live.

[Ilovelampandchair]

And there you go Brasty, it is an unhappy way to live but it's a symptom of the unhappiness not a cause.

In my opinion😆

[hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea]

You are being dismissive. And you are assuming that because someone is bothered by something you find silly, they are bothered by everything, and have miserable lives.
Not only is that a very silly thing to assume, it's also rude and rather superior. I can guarantee that there is something that bothers you a lot that I would find ridiculous to "sweat about". I wouldn't dream of telling you what an unhappy life you must lead as a whole!

[brasty]

Okay we disagree. I am nit saying the whole of their lives is unhappy, that would be a stupid thing to say. But I do think it must cause unhappiness that is simply avoidable.
But I do take the point that it is a symptom of low self esteem or unhappiness.

[brasty]

I often think people who were bullied or have low resilience have learned to believe others are constantly out to get them.

Yes its this I don't really understand. I am like you and just laugh or feel sorry for the person who has made a clumsy comment.

[SnipSnipMrBurgess]

Congratulations. You are super cool and laid back and have totally cracked the code to living life well. Well done. You did it.

[Ilovelampandchair]

OP, ironically you have offended the mortally offended.

But it's like fight club, first rule of not having issues is you never talk about not having issues.

[brasty]

Yes you are right I have offended them . Not my intention at all.

I am not super cool, I just don't think people are out to get me or my family.

[Ragwort]

YANBU - although of course lots of people are now offended at what you have said. [

I agree with you, I am amazed at some of the things on here that people get worked up about, perhaps it is my age but I just can't get irritated at so many things people seem to think are the 'end of the world'. But sadly, a lot of people do have really low self esteem or lack confidence so thay can take offence really easily.

[brasty]

I do find people who take offence so easily, really hard work. So tend to avoid them in real life.

[spiney]

I think you are mistaking this Internet forum for real life OP.

I don’t think everyone is as offended in RL as they are on here. Not necessarily posters blighted with low self esteem, unhappily unable to be resilient and move on.

The opposite actually. Just the act of writing something down magnifies It and makes it seem more important than it probably is. I think It’s much more often people venting a niggle, maybe even for the entertainment value of participating in a discussion.

[Damnthatonestaken]

Just because somebody discusses something doesnt mean they are more easily offended than somebody else. They may just want to confirm what is social etiquette, for one thing

[hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea]

I just think it is a very unhappy way to live

I am not saying the whole of their lives is unhappy, that would be a stupid thing to say

Which is it?

and worrying about things that YOU have decided are not worth worrying about does not mean people have low self esteem or are anxious. Clearly they don't have you staggering arrogance and over self confidence, for which we should all be pleased.

[brasty]

It is an unhappy way to live. Many people live in unhappy ways e.g. with an idiot of a DP, does not mean the whole of their lives are unhappy.

[Ragwort]

hotbuttered - I think your responses show that perhaps you need to learn not to 'sweat the small stuff' - if you don't like the discussion, move on, what's the value in picking holes in the OP's comments, does it make you feel better? .

[Sirzy]

I get where you are coming from an in general agree and try to take that approach.

However at the moment I am struggling with life in general (seeking help to get back on track) which means sometimes the small stuff becomes big stuff. I know it’s irrational, I know it’s not healthy but I can’t control it all the time at the moment

[brasty]

I do understand the "straw that breaks the camels back" stuff, and have had this happen myself. But normally in these cases, people realise after their immediate reaction. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time.

[JassyRadlett]

Good for you, you have good persona resilience. Mine isn’t bad either, so I can deal with some/most of the annoyingly daft things people say by laughing it off/feeling a bit sorry for them that they’re thick and/or graceless. Mostly.

But others react differently, and have other pressures that I’m lucky not to have, and I try to make one of my principles for living that I should try to be kind. So rather than dismiss them, or plough on regardless of whether they might be upset, I try to avoid where possible statements or actions that would make others feel uncomfortable or unhappy/uncomfortable.

[Sirzy]

I also think sometimes focusing on the little things can be a way of letting out frustrations without tackling the actual issues.

[brasty]

It is about personal resilience, it is not about your life. I have had a way harder life than some people I know who are like this.