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Can someone tell me how to handle this plz

(22 Posts)
justneedtoNCaminute Thu 09-Nov-17 17:49:19

Ok so this may sound very trivial to some but due to a HUGE back story ( that would take years to go into fully) this has made me so angry.
We have chosen a different primary school for our DD from the one DS attends. Today I got home from collecting DD and as DS wasn't back yet and I had told him we needed to collect his large musical instrument ( he walks home as he's 10yo and school is just down the road) so I walked to meet him. I was met on the way by him and another DS 12yo ( who also attended the same school but we removed him aged 9) both looking a bit sullen. When I asked what had happened they said that they were at DS 10yo school watching the football match against neighbouring school with lots of other children. They were having a bit of a kick about so HT had asked them if they were watching the football they said they were so he said to watch the football or go home. They walked to the pitch and stood with a group of other children from the various schools ( both primary's playing the match and the feeder secondary) HT then walked over to them and said "little justneed and littler justneed I told you to go home". They replied that they were watching the football he said "you're not - go home" so they left.
I then walked back to the school with them, collected the musical instrument and walked up to the football pitch - crowds of people there - at least 30 children lots of them unaccompanied. None of the other children had been sent away some of whom were also kicking a ball and also a couple had been being silly according to a parent watching (but not my DC she said). DS12yo's friend confirmed it was only my two DC's asked to leave. I know they were singled out as that is part of the back story and the reason my older DS was removed due to bullying -by the HT and deputy HT at the time ( who is now the HT). And the reason why DD has not been sent there.
I know I sound like a crazy parent that won't accept there are issues with my child but I have been proven correct in what I've been saying for years. Previous HT left under a cloud after losing a court case for discrimination against a disabled girl. Current HT and Chair of Governors (also part of problem back story) were arrested for assault on a child at the summer fete - no charges against HT but CoG was charged and admitted guilt - so she also left under a cloud - eventually. Also at the other schools my DC's attend we have never had any problems. They absolutely love us as a family and my DC's are bright, mostly well behaved and described as lovely children by their teachers. So - AIBU if I go to school tomorrow to ask HT why my children were singled out in being sent home? (I probably won't but I'm so angry right now I feel I want to just to make the point that he is so obviously unfair to my DC's)

Ecureuil Thu 09-Nov-17 17:53:42

Hard to comment on the current situation but why are you continuing to send your DS to that school?

RedHelenB Thu 09-Nov-17 17:54:44

YABU. They should go straight home and not be playing with a ball when there is a match on.

Itsanicehotel Thu 09-Nov-17 17:55:41

The HT sounds a real bully. Why the heck shouldn’t your DC watch the match. Who is he, the football match police.

I’m not sure I’d bother speaking to the HT. His ridiculous behaviour does totally justify that you did the right thing to move your DS from his school.

I’m not totally clear whether one of your sons still attends this HTs school and only one was removed. If you do still have a child there then I would speak to him for sure.

Fruitcorner123 Thu 09-Nov-17 17:57:26

I wouldn't bother. Is he yr 6? If yr5 Iwould move his school given the details you have given about the HT! I can see why you haven't if year 6. Can't see the point in complaining as it's so minor compared with the other things you have described. What do you expect to achieve?

niknac1 Thu 09-Nov-17 17:57:51

Can you get another acceptable school or is it because he’ll be going to secondary school soon and would rather he finish the year out as he’s got friends etc?

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Thu 09-Nov-17 17:58:51

Why on earth have you left your DS there? confused

justneedtoNCaminute Thu 09-Nov-17 18:01:09

Yes one DS still attends that school as there is no space in DD's LOVELY school and he doesn't not cope with change at all ( we've said head down and get on with it for now and always support teachers in front of DS)
I forgot to say I did tell DSs they should not have been playing football that is not my AIBU - they were told to leave after they stopped playing.

Venusflytwat Thu 09-Nov-17 18:04:06

So everyone else was watching a football match between two schools, but your DS decided to have a kickabout instead?

I’d have sent him home too.

justneedtoNCaminute Thu 09-Nov-17 18:07:10

Fruitcorner I think you might be right. It is SO trivial compared to the shit we've been through. I just felt I wanted to point out that despite what they say it's so obvious ( not just to me ) how they single out my DC's.

justneedtoNCaminute Thu 09-Nov-17 18:08:42

No venusflytwat several children having a kick about. My two go to watch football when told to - then just my two sent home. RTFT.

Lozmatoz Thu 09-Nov-17 18:11:45

YANBU. Ask them what happened and why your DSs were so upset.

Sunnydaysrock Thu 09-Nov-17 18:12:56

I would be angry too. You've explained about the kick about and the fact other kids were doing it too, and that they'd stopped so no need for PPs to pick on that point. Sounds like they were treated unfairly. I don't think there's anything to be gained from complaining and agree with people that say maybe you should look at moving him if poss.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Thu 09-Nov-17 18:13:40

In that case then yes you definitely need to go in and address this. Your DS is stuck there and he is being bullied. Of course you address that. Go in and ask for answers and make it clear that you will not tolerate your children being singled out. Keep records of every incident.

KimmySchmidt1 Thu 09-Nov-17 18:21:34

Do you have the time to worry about trying to force a HT to let your son, who does not go to his school, onto the premises after school hours? Seems a bit bizarre to want to force someone you dont like to let your kids be close to him longer than they need to be.

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 09-Nov-17 18:25:31

Your poor ds2 still having to go to a school where he isn’t wanted. Personally I would leave it. I know it’s not fair. I would be most concerned with keeping your ds off his radar as much as possible. This is outrageous. I’m assuming the HT pretty much leaves your ds alone. If this isn’t the case, obviously you’d have to think again. Idk where you’d complain anyway as the governors are in cahoots as well. It’s outrageous.

justneedtoNCaminute Thu 09-Nov-17 18:59:24

Thank you mummyoflittledragon you have hit the nail on the head. Just reading that somebody understands what I've been saying for so long nearly made me cry. I do feel bad that DS is at a school with so much negative feeling. I have even volunteered for a role on the PTA to try and stop him feeling like he has been abandoned at the school no one likes and have asked older DC's to be positively or not comment. I think when I wrote the post I knew deep down it would be better to say nothing. You're absolutely right about the governors.

RebelRogue Thu 09-Nov-17 19:12:02

I agree with @Mummyoflittledragon . While this is bad,and part of a bigger pattern of awful behaviour, you advised your son to keep his head down. You need to do the same,especially since this is a fairly trivial matter compared to everything else.(i know it was upsetting for the kids and you though). No point in drawing more attention to your son, when you know it’s going to be negative.

Make sure you support your son though. He must feel it’s massively unfair not only to be left behind,but having to deal with all this shit too.

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 09-Nov-17 19:26:22

Oh bless you. What year is ds2 in?

justneedtoNCaminute Thu 09-Nov-17 20:04:15

He is yr 5 so still has two years left but he is quiet and very shy so never really draws too much attention to himself. The good thing is his year group has a lovely bunch of lads so he does have very good friends there.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 10-Nov-17 03:57:59

My dd is yr5. I really couldn’t imagine a group of adults responsible for her wellbeing acting in such a terrible manner. It’s playground stuff.

We’ve had some issues with some parents excluding my dd and one mother, who said awful things about my dd to her former bestie, which resulted her in ignoring my dd for 6 months. It was pretty devastating and she was only yr1. I had struggles to get her to school for a few months then on and off for over a year.

I talk to my dd about the adults not being mature. In the sense of tall children and not being kind etc. We don’t have to deal with these adults and it’s a fine line I’d be loathe to cross if it were School staff. It must be terribly difficult for you.

As long as your ds happy, you may find you’re the one suffering more than him. Your reaction is important. And if you don’t make a big deal of things, your ds is less Likely to either. So if you aren’t already, do try to react matter of factly about anything relatively minor like this. Try to seek clarification with with short questions, which don’t judge. Perhaps things like “really?”or “Oh” etc will get more info. And say innocuous things like “that’s a bit rubbish”. And hopefully you will get your ds through the next 21 without major incident.

If something more significant crops up, I would say though because you don’t want him getting the impression he’s of less value than the other kids.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 10-Nov-17 03:59:17

21 months

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