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To not want to go to funeral

(13 Posts)
Wonderin Wed 01-Nov-17 09:34:15

Its my uncles funeral, but to get there I need to take 3 trains and a short flight. It'll probably be around £400. I can afford it but we weren't close and now I need to find someone last minute to look after my dogs too. I feel really selfish but...AIBU to not want to go? Bitch slap me back into reality MN....

KC225 Wed 01-Nov-17 09:39:45

Can a relative give you a lift? If not, send your condolences, enclose a handwritten letter. I have found these have been well received and ask if they are accepting flowers or charity donations.

If you were not close, it's probably okay if you can't make it.

BarbarianMum Wed 01-Nov-17 09:41:39

Are you close to anyone who will be upset by you not going - his parents or siblings fi? Funerals are just as much about the living as the dead.

MrsJayy Wed 01-Nov-17 09:44:24

I would send apologies and not go 3 trains and a plane then you need to get back.

Crispsheets Wed 01-Nov-17 09:45:03

I wouldn't go if he was not a close relative

doodle01 Wed 01-Nov-17 09:45:20

My own mother told me not to go to my grandmothers funeral - as she pointed out she dead and Id rather you didnt have to travel so far etc.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Wed 01-Nov-17 09:47:46

I wouldn't. I didn't go to my uncles a couple of years ago - I hadn't seen him in probably ten years, we weren't close before that, and my dad wasn't arsed. I probably wouldn't have gone if there had been a massive cost involved as I couldn't afford it anyway.

ijustwannadance Wed 01-Nov-17 09:48:18

Just don't go.

RapunzelsRealMom Wed 01-Nov-17 09:49:23

Echoing PPs, don’t go but send a nice letter or card and flowers

Wonderin Wed 01-Nov-17 09:49:32

Thanks for the insight everyone I was expecting to get lambasted.

He was the husband of my Dad's sister.

My aunt will have her 5 siblings there for her (all of them are local) as well as their kids and families.

From my "faction" of the family there will be my Dad, my Mum and my sister.

I saw my uncle once a year at Xmas, it was that kind of relationship.

I think my family will pressure me but the thing is my journey will look like this:
Regional train from small town to big city
Intercity train to different big city
Short train from big city to airport
Flight of an hour and a half
One hour in car from airport to family

Its not so much the money and more that I need to find someone for the dogs last minute. I feel terrible though.

Butterymuffin Wed 01-Nov-17 09:51:36

Tell them you can't come because of the dogs. Leave the travel time and cost out of it. Send your aunt a card and write something nice about your memories of your uncle in it. That's enough. Maybe donate to charity if one has been nominated.

IAmTheDragon Wed 01-Nov-17 09:52:26

I'd check with the parent who has lost the sibling. They may understand your problem with cash and have solutions, or at least understand why you can't spend the money.

Just talk to them.

Ellendegeneres Wed 01-Nov-17 10:06:38

Tell them it's not possible due to travel.
If you weren't close, why go? If my mums sisters husband died, I wouldn't attend his funeral as I barely know him.

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