To hate being a captive audience?

[MentallyDrained23334]

I feel physically exhausted and in a terrible mood after it. I loathe it in meetings when someone starts talking and spends 20 minutes talking non-stop to make a point that could've been made in three sentences. I hate it on the phone when someone tells me a story, then proceeds to tell me the story again and again and again without coming up for breath. And, like today, I hate it when people drop in at work and never leave.

It's a very relaxed office and we run campaigns throughout the year where we meet people who are involved in the cause. Some of them drop in for a chat, cuppa etc. It's fine when there's something to talk about, quick half hour (2 way) chat or whatever, but people called into the office at 9:30 today and didn't leave till nearly 12. I feel rude ignoring them but after half an hour of them talking about nothing I felt like weeping with frustration. Today I had things to do so was turning back to my computer but they kept talking at me. These aren't people who don't get much company, they work full time, have families, and are off for half term.

My colleagues, while not loving the people who go on and on at meetings or whatever, seem to be able to tolerate but I honestly get so frustrated by it I feel physically tired and annoyed. I love going out with people and socialising and chatting, but cannot bear these one way endless monologues when I am trapped and unable to excuse myself.

AIBU to think people shouldn't just talk at people for no good reason?

[IneedaMagnum]

I agree, it gives me the rage.

In meetings there is usually little you can do but if someone talks at me in the office, for long periods of time I just stop responding and ignore them whilst carrying on working. It feels rude but if I didn't I'd end up snapping at them!

[iklboo]

My mum does this. 'Have you watched X programme?'

No, not our thing, don't like it etc

Mum

[acornsandnuts]

Oh I get this. I often take notes in meetings and when the monologue of nonsense starts I pointedly put my pen down. They never take the hint that I think what they’re saying is drivel, off topic and pointless.

[MentallyDrained23334]

I did that today after nearly two hours, made a point of looking at the computer closely and stopped really responding hoping that the conversation would die out and they'd get the hint. But no, on and on and on in a monologue. If we were at a social event I could happily talk to them for hours, I like them, but there's something about not being able to leave the conversation if I want to that I cannot stand.

[Everythingsr0sie]

I have had it today.

I am going to be hours late home from work because of the man I went to a meeting with going on and on and on about crap that has bugger all to do with the actual matter in hand.

I am currently feeling the "weeping with frustration" thing and have gritted my teeth so much I am at risk of breaking my them!

[MentallyDrained23334]

Yes, iklboo. And you find yourself looking at them, not listening, wondering why they could possibly think you want to know.

acorn they never seem to get hints. I honestly believe the meeting people just want to hear their own voices. The worst is when they start with 'my point's been made already by so and so, but...' and 20 minutes later they're still talking, reiterating something for the fifteenth time. If your point has been made sit down.

[couchparsnip]

Yes! We have a new system at work where we have a team meeting, all sat round a speaker phone, twice a week. Our remote manager goes on and on about work in other offices and we all have to sit there and listen for about half an hour. It's excruciating! Ita only made bearable by rolling our eyes at each other and making rude gestures at the phone!

[MentallyDrained23334]

Everything I feel your pain! Was the meeting Chaired? Sometimes I feel such annoyance with the Chairs when they allow people to talk for eternity. Why won't they use their power to stop them?

[MentallyDrained23334]

Don't know where those capital Cs came from!

[Nikephorus]

My mum does this. 'Have you watched X programme?'
No, not our thing, don't like it etc
Mum

We must have the same mother! I dread Wimbledon - she has to tell me about every match she's listened to on the radio even though several times each year I tell her that I'm not interested and don't like tennis. I've never liked tennis, I never will, I don't give a toss who was playing or how they did. I do not want to hear. But she keeps telling me. It's sooooo frustrating.

[Emilybrontescorsett]

Yes I agree.
I'll never forget the twat who insisted on going ahead with a pointless meeting after work even though hit was heavily snowing.
He began the meeting by declaring that it was unlikely some of us would get home, due to this adverse weather conditions then kept us there for almost 30 minutes talking pure nonsense.
I had to leave my car and walk the final part of my journey.

My mum, does it,too. Calls round and if I'm busy gets the huff on.

[LazyDailyMailJournos]

Aaargh the tedious he said/she said detail. I have a colleague like this. I like him but my God he will relate every single bloody detail of what's on his desk, the full ins and outs, until you want to stab yourself with a rusty implement just to make it stop.

[Ceto]

You have to develop strategies for meetings, like playing meeting Bingo. I used to work in an office which had monthly meetings which were a total pain in the neck; the chief exec was a great one for all those meaningless phrases like "blue sky thinking", "reaching out" and "across the piece" so Bingo was always going to work. Mind you, we had to put in a complicated handicap system, otherwise whoever nominated "across the piece" was bound to win.

We also used to make out that we were expecting an incredibly important email so we had to take our phones in. You always knew that when people appeared to be incredibly busy scrutinising documents on their phones, they were actually playing solitaire.

It was an extraordinary waste of time, and must have been terribly expensive for the company concerned. You'd think managers would learn, but I guess there is a certain type of manager who loves the sound of his own voice so much that he will never relinquish meetings like that. It's worth noting that the company I was with is now defunct, so those meetings were clearly just as useless as they seemed.

[winterinmadeira]

I feel complete sympathy with you on this. I come home exhausted sometimes because of it. Your point about chairs hit home so much that after one Friday afternoon meeting when my boss let someone drone on and on I actually gave her some feedback about it. She then Changed the format of the meetings ...thank god!

[chestylarue52]

I don't know what your job is like but I quite frequently excuse myself from pointless meetings.

I get up grab my phone and say "excuse me please, I just need to" then wander off mumbling. Go outside, do some stretches, hope that the meetings moved on when I get back.

[unicornface]

I have a friend who does this, she is such a good friend and thoroughly lovely in every other way, but once she gets going, my goodness there is no stopping her. Sometimes if we are in the car I guess how far along in the journey we will be before she stops, if we are nearly home I just abandon all hope of further conversation.

The thing is I am pretty frazzled at the moment and can barley remember the key things that people tell me, let alone waffle. It's wasted words.

[Sotuko]

I'm the same. I'm anti social at the best of times and am rarely interested in other peoples stories unless they're relevant.

My mum is the worst for it, she'll start a story and then go into (and repeat) irrelevant details such as "oh and Paul, that's the manager, said "do you want a cup of tea?" So I said "no thank you" and then Maureen came in, that's the receptionist, and said "I'll have one!" Hehe ... yeah Paul asked me if I wanted a cup of tea and Maureen said she'd have one!". She once told me a story about the buss driver being friendly and re-enacted her boarding of the bus three times.

[Laiste]

Aaargh the tedious he said/she said detail

Oh god and all the saints SAVE me from this

My DM makes a short (mundane at best) tale into something like War and Peace! Yesterday she took 10 minutes to tell me a parcel had come for me because i had to hear every detail about how the bell rang and what she thought and what she did and what the postman said and how she laughed and said something and how he said and she said and he said and ... aaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

[WingsofNylon]

I find this general with conversation. People take way too long and say stupidly obvious things and I am there counting in my head disparate for them to just sucking finish their point. I spend a lot time trying not to say, hurry up. And get there people seem to get the air time.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I have very low tolerance for it. I have even warned my youngest, when he was 7 or so, that mummy hates cars and computer games and won't listen to chat about either of them. He's 11 now and very well trained. (I'm not a complete bitch; I let him ramble on about school and friends and football).

[Laiste]

[Minidoghugs]

I try to be understanding of people and I understand this kind of thing is a lack of social awareness but I'm afraid I do just zone out. If someone wants my attention they have to keep it short and snappy otherwise I just nod and smile while thinking of something else entirely.

[MentallyDrained23334]

It's committee meetings that I attend, so no boss as much. And it's always, always the same people who bang on and on about absolute drivel. One of my good friends goes to these meetings and he is the absolute worst for it and I've pulled him on it on number occasions, including one memorable evening when he was supposed to speak for 3 minutes and did not come up for breath for 45 minutes while the chair did nothing. He just laughs when I tell him it's ridiculous and says he can't help himself. Absolutely no regard for how selfish and self absorbed it is. I honestly wonder if people like this think people enjoy listening to them.

There's a monthly evening meeting in which one person's report goes on forever and when we go for very much needed drinks afterwards I have heard the chair complaining about it and I keep asking her why she allows it. She agrees she needs to be more forceful and will be next time. Then the next meeting is exactly the same.

[IfNot]

Yes I feel your pain. Meetings are the worst. And people talking AT you when you're trying to work. Aargh.
Maybe try saying "let me stop you there.." when they are mid flow. Then when they have paused, go and make a cup of tea.

[chestylarue52]

I do think you can also practise being assertive. "If your points already been made Martin can we move on? I know you're busy as are we all". Surprising what you can get away with a smile and calm voice.