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Weightloss for love

(16 Posts)
KissesAX Sun 22-Oct-17 16:39:02

Short back story: recently my ex and I broke up. There was a lot we both needed to sort in our lives and some time apart to do so before revisiting getting back together will be good for us. Part of my issues was lack of motivation and letting myself go. He never ever commented on my weight or anything like that but the gym is a big thing for him and he spends time there a lot and expressed once how he'd love it if I could do it with him as it'd be extra encouragement.

I have always felt conscious about my body since letting myself go a little bit over the past few years and I can understand (even though my ex never even gave me the impression about weight loss, it was more about the fitness) how partners men or women get put off when we put weight on.

I'm wondering if anyone has ever lost weight and got into shape to impress their partner, save their relationship or win someone back? I think getting into shape would be a positive step in working on rebuilding our relationship.

outofmydepth45 Sun 22-Oct-17 16:52:04

You need to do it for yourself

ComeTheFuck0nBridget Sun 22-Oct-17 16:56:14

I don't necessarily think you have to do it for yourself as such. A turning point for me was when my husband sat me down and forced me (in the nicest possible way) to have an honest conversation about how bad my weight had gotten and how it affected both of our lives. I have since lost almost four stone. It was the embarrassment and realisation that it wasn't just a problem for me but for him too.

Good luck Op.

Bambamber Sun 22-Oct-17 17:02:26

Nope. Do it for your health and confidence, not just to impress someone.

mistermagpie Sun 22-Oct-17 17:06:15

In ComeThe’s case it was a current relationship and I can understand the situation to a certain extent. In your case OP it sounds like changing yourself as a means to win him back. It won’t work and it isn’t the right reason to change your lifestyle. You have to make changes for yourself and be motivated by what it will do for you, not by the idea that it will make somebody else fancy/love you.

silverbell64 Sun 22-Oct-17 17:12:47

Put it this way. If I met and fell in love with a man that was of medium size and he became very fat then, no, I wouldn't find him attractive any longer.

KissesAX Sun 22-Oct-17 17:48:11

It would be for me. Because I'm not really over weight but where fat is on my frame it's not flattering. It's more about getting in shape. And feeling good about myself because that would impact positively on our relationship.

Birdsgottafly Sun 22-Oct-17 18:01:22

I had put on weight because of an abusive relationship.

When that ended, me getting back in shape was, in part, my revenge of living well.

He used to put me down and say that i was too fat for sex, it's nice to see him looking rough and not doing very well for himself on the dating front.

There was a time period when he was chasing a woman who was very elegant (still being in the mind frame of the abuse, I thought they would end up together), I stuck to my diet because I didn't want to bump into them whilst fat.

It is slightly different motivation, but part of a two sided coin.

Birdsgottafly Sun 22-Oct-17 18:03:14

If it is something that you want, anyway, go for it, but you may not get back with him and will have to make sure that you don't spiral back into bad habits.

outofmydepth45 Sun 22-Oct-17 18:05:41

I've fairly recently lost 4 stone, tbh it is good for all aspects of life. The energy I have now is amazing. Go for it, but you can't do things just for others

kittensinmydinner1 Sun 22-Oct-17 20:44:12

It’s never a bad thing to lose weight if you are overweight or obese. It’s quite simply good for YOU. However it’s also good for your relationship if your body shape has changed radically. There is so much bullshit on here about how your OH should fancy you and want to have sex when you’ve put on 4 stone.
There is a HUGE difference between fancying someone and loving them. I met and married DH when I was a size 8/10. He is attracted to tall/slim body types (but this is the same for men/women who find big women/men sexually attractive ) I then proceeded to put on 5 stone. Through a combination of medication and physical disability. Unsurprisingly he didn’t fancy me. I didn’t fancy me ! At no point did he stop loving me. Of course things can always happen with a couples health that changes things that we have no control over. This, however I was able to change when the medication ceased and the physical problem repaired. I owed it to him AND me. Now he loves AND fancies me. Which is a lovely feeling. (Especially as I’m an old bird and he looks like Harrison Ford 😜) Go for it OP. For you AND him.

KissesAX Sun 22-Oct-17 21:11:54

@kittensinmydinner1 your comment is just what I needed thank you!

kittensinmydinner1 Sun 22-Oct-17 21:46:12

Pleasure 😎

TinyDoom Sun 22-Oct-17 21:58:25

There are lots of reasons people lose weight / improve their fitness. As long as you have a real desire to do it, I don't think it matters what spurred you to do it. And exercising will likely help you feel better in yourself, which will, in turn, help you make better, more positive relationship choices.

KissesAX Tue 24-Oct-17 10:12:39

Well I stuck to my diet since my post, and I've lost 3lbsgrin

TinyDoom Mon 30-Oct-17 07:41:19

@Kisses, that's awesome! Well done. grin

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