To ask for help with DSCs lies

[endofmytetherhelp]

Have NC for this but I'm bloody desperate for some advice.
Have DSC who live with us, long complicated story regarding bio mother but she's not in their lives (her decision)
Anyhow the eldest is a compulsive liar. It started off with typical teenage lies to bend the rules (for example X is having a party - parents will be there - parents weren't party got out of hand) but I did that at their age so obviously wasn't worried.
But now it's getting to a point where the lies are becoming serious. Think serious illness, making things up about home life, they had a child on the way which was miscarried, honestly its shocking. I want to involve the GP and get them serious help but I don't know where to start! Counselling and things have been done because of the situation with the bio mother and schools were very helpful, just recently though these lies have spiralled out of control!

[tempstamos]

How old are they? My eldest has always been a compulsive liar but she wouldn’t lie about serious things like that! Why are they doing it? To get out of trouble/ to get attention?
If talking to them and disciplining them isn’t working, I don’t know what I would do. Sorry no advice, but you are right to be worried this isn’t a good sign for adulthood and needs sorting out.

[endofmytetherhelp]

16. I have no doubt the lying is to seek attention for whatever reason but I'm really scared as to what will be said next! It's like the sky is literally the limit 😔

[ChickenJalfrezi]

Can you just go ‘oh okay then, if you say so’ and ignore it? If it’s purely attention seeking then it’s working!!

[endofmytetherhelp]

I've tried that. The lies aren't just told to us and I'm getting approached by concerned adults. I really can't help but wonder what has been said about me and DH behind our backs 😭

[endofmytetherhelp]

In fact the worst lies are told to others who then come to us worried/annoyed/bewildered
We just get the lies to keep them out of trouble (luckily we find out sometimes and prevent quite dangerous situations)

[DonkeyOil]

Do you mean she is complaining to other people about being mistreated by you and her Dad? What are the 'dangerous situations' you are having to prevent?

I know this sounds a bit simplistic, and you've probably tried it, but have you sat down with her to discuss your worries? She is old enough to understand that lying about major issues can have major consequences.

[Welshrainbow]

Are they still at school? Ask for a CAMHS referral. May take some time but at last the school will be aware of the situation.

[endofmytetherhelp]

Me and dad have been made out to be absolute bastards at school - this was quickly sorted when we confirmed reasons for the punishment in force at the time (phone confiscation) and the teacher I spoke to was
There's been a child on the way which some people were told miscarried some told aborted
Mine and dhs personal business (known by eavesdropping) has been discussed with many people (and also massively exaggerated)

[endofmytetherhelp]

Dangerous situations prevented in the past couple of years have been along the lines of parties which ended VERY badly full of older people and drugs, getting in cars with drunk drivers, etc

[bilbodog]

I think trying to get CAHMS involved like others have said. Sounds like she has had a difficult upbringing which could be causing this behaviour. Ive had experience with a teenager brought up in an abusive family and lies were common trying to cover up low self esteem, and extreme loneliness having been abandoned by both parents on and off over the years. Could be a form of personality disorder. Hope you manage to get some help.