To never let my DM out of the house again? (lighthearted)

[SnorkellingCat]

DM is 55, so not old at all.

We've just been out to do the weekly shop we being me, DM, my GFather (84) and my DD (2). I can drive, and do drive regularly but not insured on DMs car but I do have a car I share with DH who has taken it to work today. My GF drove until a few years ago when he surrendered his license due to medical issues.

It's quite windy here today, I could feel the wind underneath the car was quite scared the car toppling as we approached a roundabout DM sped up, I asked her to slow down as there were no other cars on the roundabout and it felt like the car was tilting slightly. DM apparently didn't hear me!

She then walked off from me, DD and GF with GFs walking stick when waiting in the post office queue, I was holding two bulky parcels one of which was DMs!! ready to send and was hold DDs hand so couldn't help GF too. Thankfully a lovely lady in front took him by the arm and walked with him to a chair nearby, then came back and held onto my DDs hand while I waited to get to the front of the queue. Apparently my DM thought she'd told us she was popping to the town hall across the road to have a look at the car boot sale going on

Then in Tesco, DD in the trolley seat, DM pushing the trolley, me holding onto GF and he had his stick again now too, DM walks off with the trolley while GF and I are waiting to get something off the deli counter. Spend the next 10 minutes looking for her, as she's not answering her phone. When we finally found her and DD, DM had finished her shopping and apparently didn't have time to let GF and me finish ours.

And then DM sits out in the car with GF while I rush round trying to get both mine and GFs shopping with DD getting more and more fraught before DM drives off without me as she keeps threatening to do as she's on a "time limit", a perceived time limit she sets herself to get everything done, forgetting that she has her 84 year old father and a disabled 2 year old in tow.

AIBU to think my DM is in a dreamland most of the time and to never let her leave the house again?

And yes this is lighthearted, she's a great DM most of the time, and wouldn't really drive off and leave me as she knows that it would leave me stranded she just puts so much pressure on herself to do things "right" that she often ends up rushing.

[Aquamarine1029]

Has she always been this obtuse regarding the needs of other people?

[Chillyegg]

Tbh she sounds like a knob

[Santawontbelong]

She sounds harder work than the gf or dd!!
Suggest you leave her home next time.

[Oysterbabe]

The wind was never in a million years going to topple the car.

[SnorkellingCat]

Aqua Like I said I think she puts a lot of pressure on herself to get things done in a certain time limit and then ends up rushing

[Aquamarine1029]

But have you talked to her about this? It's as though she's walking around with blinders on. I would definitely ask her why on earth she would think it's reasonable to leave you stranded with her elderly father. Why would she take your child, finish her shopping, and then wait out in the car (which makes NO sense whatsoever - how does that possibly help adhere to her precious schedule??), and not even bother to let you know where she's taken off to?

Her behaviour is very bizarre and she seems very detached from those around her. What she does isn't lighthearted to me at all. It's alarming, troublesome behaviour from a grown woman who should know better.

[SnorkellingCat]

She's always been like this. I remember being about 4 and holding her hand walking round the shop, and her letting go of my hand for a second and then looking up to the adult next to me to realise it wasn't my DM. She continued shopping and I was taken to customer services where she retrieved me before going home.

[Allthewaves]

online shopping definitely the way to go

[Aquamarine1029]

Have you ever considered the possibility that your mum has a spectrum disorder? It certainly seems possible to me. Obviously, she is high functioning, but there definitely seems to be something missing. I would bet it is hard if not impossible for her to understand and relate to other people's emotions. That must be very hard.

[SnorkellingCat]

Aqua Not at all, if I have a crisis she's always the first person I turn to, she was mostly great if a bit melodramatic when DD was seriously ill and in hospital last year.

[Aquamarine1029]

I'm glad she's so supportive. I do think you should talk to her, though.