My girls are 8 and 10. I split up with their dad three and a half years ago. He lives about 40 mins away and they stay overnight with him one night a fortnight.
He was diagnosed in adulthood with Aspergers and has always preferred his own company and been somewhat gaming obsessed.
The girls tell me that when they go to stay, he spends most of the time upstairs in his bedroom on his computer gaming. He feeds them and runs a bath and tells them when to go to bed but that sounds like it is pretty much the extent of the interaction. If they go out it is only to the local shop. They are safe but bored.
There is no court order about contact. I have tried to get him to understand the girls want more from him but he either doesn't get it or ignores it. This is no different to how he was when we were married. If I bring it up too often he gets angry and says he can't afford to do anything with them because he has to pay me 'so much' maintenance. (Incidentally, he pays less than the CMS recommended amount.) But it isn't about money - it's about time and presence and interaction.
The girls are asking me to reduce the frequency with which they see him or the length of time they stay. If I suggest this I will be the bad guy even though he never seems bothered about seeing them, asks for more contact or makes an effort for them. As an example he is missing both their birthdays this year because of petty reasons.
Would you reduce contact or tell the girls they have to lump it? I don't think he will ever change and I also think it is very unlikely he would go to court as it would involve spending money.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
More of a WWYD - kids not wanting to see their dad
15 replies
purpleangel17 · 18/10/2017 21:35
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.