To want to hang out without children?

[crazycatgal]

I have an old school friend who I like to meet up with when we're free and we're both in our early 20s. Recently every time we make plans she brings along either her niece 11 or nephew 5 and it's becoming annoying now.

We're supposed to be doing something next week and She's just sent me a message saying 'can niece come? She really wants to come with us.' I really don't want to go if we're going to have a child with us all day. It's not that I don't like the niece or nephew but when I make plans with an adult friend with no children I don't expect to be looking after children all day, and they're coming along with us every time now.

Would I be unreasonable if I reply saying no? And how do I say this in a nice way?

[Maelstrop]

Text back saying I was hoping for just a lovely adults only day. Is she providing childcare? In which case, she'll find it hard to come without the child. Do you have to meet up at weekends? Can't you arrange it for when the children are in school?

I feel your pain, friends of ours want to bring their children every time we meet up. I'd quite like an adult only meet up!

[MrsOverTheRoad]

Just say "Oh I really need some adult time just with you..." and wait.

[crazycatgal]

No she's not providing childcare, if anyone does its normally her parents (children's grandparents.) We do normally have to meet on the weekends as my friend is a TA so is only off on weekends, we were going to meet on a weekday next week but that's half term so the children are off school.

[PurpleDaisies]

That's odd. I thought she'd be bringing her own children. Is she looking after them during the day?

I'd say you want to just meet her and you can find a different date if that one doesn't work for her.

[PurpleDaisies]

Cross posted with you. Just say you don't fancy meeting with kids there. You're not there to entertain her niece.

[Ttbb]

Just say that you were hoping to do a pub crawl.

[Santawontbelong]

Would mentioning you were hoping for a lunch sway her leaving dn at home?

[Andylion]

YANBU, but your friend is as she apparently told her niece about the outing even before she asked you if you'd mind.

[MadMags]

Maybe just say "if you have the dc not to worry. Let me know when you're free. I need a boozy/ adult day out" or something.

[crazycatgal]

No, she's not looking after them at all. To be fair the 5 year old only normally comes on the rate occasion that she is looking after him, it's the 11 year old niece who keeps being invited.

My friend is a bit immature and I think she sees her niece as more of a friend than a child and can't seem to realise that she's bringing a child along all of the time.

[crazycatgal]

Rare*

[PurpleDaisies]

Just keep saying you only want to meet with the two if you there. She'll get the message.

[MadMags]

Ok so "you go ahead with your DN. let me know when you're free another time."

[MadMags]

It's a bit weird of her, tbh!