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To speak to DD's uni about her?

(17 Posts)
Shoux Mon 16-Oct-17 23:39:50

Would you ever do this? I'm really worried about her. She is definitely underweight now and I know she'd listen to her tutor/counsellor. Thanks x

GetOutOfMYGarden Mon 16-Oct-17 23:46:09

If I genuinely thought something was up, I'd call Student Wellbeing and Support. Be prepared that all they can do is listen, they cannot give you any information about your daughter due to confidentiality.

Shoux Mon 16-Oct-17 23:46:55

She's passing out. It's getting really bad sad

NikiBabe Mon 16-Oct-17 23:47:48

What would you have them do? Its a uni.

Id contact her gp surgery and they can send her an appointment. They can assess how underweight she is...if she turns up.

Shoux Mon 16-Oct-17 23:49:07

There's student support and a counsellor... She'd never turn up to the GP.

MyBrilliantDisguise Mon 16-Oct-17 23:56:08

That is incredibly worrying for you. I was very concerned about my daughter and depression when she was at university. I contacted her doctor and gave the full details of her history because I knew she wouldn't relate them to him. They were not allowed to say anything to me but accepted the email.

You need to do what ever you can now. This is not something that you can put off or ignore obviously. Start with her tutors and go to the counsellors otherwise. Your poor daughter really needs you to act on her behalf now.

SomehowSomewhere1 Tue 17-Oct-17 00:06:50

Can you bring her home for a few weeks?
Definitely speak to her GP, and other people - at least they can be aware if she seems worse. Ultimately if she's at risk to herself then she may need encouraged to hospital treatment. She's an adult, but also an unwell adult - it's balance, but someone needs to fight for her.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 17-Oct-17 00:10:38

I'd contact student support and also the students' Union. Just be aware they can't really report back to you, due to confidentiality - you have to just transmit the info and hope they can do something. Sound likes she's in a bad way flowers

CamelliaSinensis35 Tue 17-Oct-17 00:11:59

Do whatever you need to and fight hard, anorexia (I am presuming this is the case) has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.

TatianaLarina Tue 17-Oct-17 00:26:09

Speaking as someone who knows someone who fainted from hunger and fell down the stairs of a Cambridge college and died, I’d say yes, definitely.

Italiangreyhound Tue 17-Oct-17 00:29:48

Yes, I would contact student support.

They will not give her info out, of course, but you can make your concerns known.

NikiBabe "What would you have them do? Its a uni."

Any educational establishment nowadays should have the physical and mental well being of their students as a concern, as well as awarding them a degree, certificate or whatever at the end of their time there.

Frankly any uni not interested in their students well being and health would not be one I would be supporting my child to stay at.

OP, I am sure you have contacted Beat but in case not, please do. I called their phone line a while ago and they were helpful.

DeadDoorpost Tue 17-Oct-17 00:33:06

If they're anything like my uni they'd be more than happy to keep an eye out on the student and try and get help with her, if she accepted it. It's possible that her lecturers have already noticed something might not be right. There's no harm in being concerned and mentioning it them, especially if she's passing out.
I did have a very supportive course leader and team though at uni, and we'd often get asked how we were doing and coping. Hopefully her uni is the same.

SomehowSomewhere1 Tue 17-Oct-17 00:35:33

wictional Tue 17-Oct-17 00:37:12

My mother contacted my uni about my depression as she was quite worried. They couldn’t do anything except tell her that they would help me if I came forward myself (which, given the crippling nature of my mental health issues, I didn’t.) As PP have said, her tutors and peers might be able to guide her towards help, and your support too will be a great aid.

HollaHolla Tue 17-Oct-17 00:37:15

I work in a Uni. We can't discuss/acknowledge if your daughter is even a student - but we can listen. Personally, if you called my office, we'd listen, and say nothing to you, but be in touch with student support and personal tutors ASAP. Whilst we're not in loco parentis, as they are adults, we do have a duty of care.

I hope that your daughter gets the support she needs - it sounds like she needs it. Hope it goes ok.

AnnieAnoniMouse Tue 17-Oct-17 00:43:11

Yes I would.

I'd do anything I thought would help her.

Livness12 Tue 17-Oct-17 00:45:09

Call them. They are unlikely to be able to give you information about your daughter, but you can let them know - and they need to know.

Don't worry about the arguments that parents shouldn't be getting involved with universities on behalf of their children, this is a different type of situation and it's important to have all areas of support involved.

My mum contacted my uni when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and it was so necessary, because I was closing myself off and in absolutely breakdown mode.

More similarly to your concerns, my uni knew when I became anorexic. My dad (mum had died by the time I did my MSc) didn't speak to them at all, but I can tell you how the university supported me if that would help.

They were very informal with it at first - my lecturer and supervisor would let me sit and just talk to him if I needed to, he would reassure me about my academic ability and encourage me towards support. He also spoke to the Mental Health Advisor on my behalf, and I had appointments every fortnight there.

When things became worse with the anorexia, they took it down a more formal route: a SARA (reasonable adjustments) statement to say that my marks might drop or I may struggle with motivation, concentration or withdrawal as I deteriorated.

Eventually in my case, things deteriorated too quickly and my uni went down the route of saying if I didn't agree to intermit for at least 6 months, they were heading towards taking it out of my hands and going down Fitness to Study procedures. I had no choice in the end - I was hospitalised for 5.5 months. But had I not been, uni would have done that.

So I really really really do recommend you/your daughter to try to open up and get that support if possibe.

As an aside, if you ever want to talk about this please do feel free to contact me on here (and same if you think it would ever be helpful for your daughter if she was willing to. Absolutely no worries if not - I'm 28 so older than uni days now, but I had severe anorexia during my MSc back in 2013-15, so pretty recent, and I know how horrific it was. So the offer is there anytime).

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