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Aibu to not want to trail behind everyone

(23 Posts)
SM1234 Mon 16-Oct-17 11:03:10

My DP has two DD (13 and 11) and I am conscious that he does get time with just the two of them so that they get some separate time together, this tends to be two days a week. However on the weekends that we are all together I have to step aside. They insist on holding his hands when walking anywhere so I am left walking behind or in front, if we go shopping I'm the one pushing the trollley and carrying the bags. I have mentioned this a few times and DP says he can't please everyone. It may seem petty but it's been noticed and mentioned by friends and family and makes me feel a bit belittled.

Aibu and/or does anyone have and suggestions so that we feel more of a unit?

Sirzy Mon 16-Oct-17 11:06:41

Everyone should be helping carry the shopping but I don’t think you can expect him to push his children aside so you can walk with him.

Have you spent time alone with them to try to build a relationship?

deepestdarkestperu Mon 16-Oct-17 11:09:00

How long have you been together?

LostSight Mon 16-Oct-17 11:13:46

You know that there will be a time limit to this behaviour? Let him enjoy their company and let them feel special. You have other times on your own with him I presume.

If friends and family comment, then the correct reply is surely, “Yes! Isn’t it good he has such a good relationship with his children. He and I still have great times together.”

SM1234 Mon 16-Oct-17 11:14:13

We've been together a number of years but I've only been introduced to the children 2 years.

I don't expect him to push the DCs out the way but there must be an alternative?

LostSight Mon 16-Oct-17 11:15:11

Though I agree, everyone should help with the shopping and if I was being left to do it all, I might choose to go alone, or let them go without me.

mctat Mon 16-Oct-17 11:15:27

Its understandable from the girls, but I think that as well as showing them affection, he should be modelling kindness, which ought to include not actively excluding his partner or not helping with the shopping, at least some of the time. Sounds like a bit of guilt on his part. Even forgetting about you, they're learning how to treat people from him, so it's important.

Motherbear26 Mon 16-Oct-17 11:31:16

Just to give you some perspective, our kids are exactly the same. All for daddy and I’m just left wandering around by myself. My dh works away quite a lot so I assume they just want to be close to him while they have the chance and it’s probably something similar with your dp’s girls as he is not the rp. I’m not saying it’s not easier for me to accept as they are ‘our’ kids, but I just wanted to let you know that it’s quite common and not a slight towards you in any way.

Papafran Mon 16-Oct-17 11:50:25

I think you will need to accept for now that he is putting the needs and wishes of his children before you. You are an adult and yes it might be annoying, but you can cope with this. If you focus on building a close relationship with your DSDs then you being a unit is going to come easier. If however, you make snide comments about being excluded, they will try to leave you out even more I suspect.

TitaniasCloset Mon 16-Oct-17 12:50:17

This would really irritate me. Sorry no advice, but I couldn't take this.

Alittlepotofrosie Mon 16-Oct-17 12:52:05

I doubt a 13yo will want to hold daddys hand for much longer. Just wait it out is my advice.

DressedCrab Mon 16-Oct-17 12:54:06

No reason why he shouldn't help carry the shopping. I can't believe he doesn't. Prick. The girls should help as well. Put your foot down, OP.

TitaniasCloset Mon 16-Oct-17 12:56:39

I understand why pp are saying that a 13 year old won't want to hold dads hand for much longer, but I don't know, I'm sending something a bit off about this thread. Why isn't everyone involved in the shopping for instance?

MrsEight Mon 16-Oct-17 12:58:28

Aww so glad it’s not just me who finds this irritating.

I just suck it up though - he’s their dad and I have chosen the situation not them.

My OH girls are as tall as me though 5’7 so I think it looks a bit odd.

RhiWrites Mon 16-Oct-17 13:01:41

I wouldn't go. Let them do the shopping or whatever alone.

Or just don't pay for things or take the bags or trolley.

You shouldn't be treated as a credit card/pack mule by the rest of this blended family.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Mon 16-Oct-17 13:03:45

Oh for the love of God! I'm married to my childrens father and he certainly never had a hissy fit if I held their hands instead of his, nor I go go snooker loopy if they wnted to hold his.

You need to get past your jealousy of your partners children.

Namechangetempissue Mon 16-Oct-17 13:08:43

They still hold Dad's hand at that age? Gosh.
I wouldn't be overly bothered though, but I would insist they carry their own bags!! I would start going out on my own and enjoying myself and let them all have time together. They are kids, they won't be this way forever and they deserve some time with their dad alone. Its only the odd weekend like you said.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Mon 16-Oct-17 13:08:44

Its understandable from the girls, but I think that as well as showing them affection, he should be modelling kindness, which ought to include not actively excluding his partner or not helping with the shopping, at least some of the time

This. It’s not kind to exclude you. Do you have the kind of relationship where you can join in the hand holding (as cringey as that sounds)?

Iwanttobe8stoneagain Mon 16-Oct-17 13:09:36

Blimey. Let him holds his kids hands whilst they still want to. Parents are pushed to the side by kids all the time, one parent sleeping in the kids bed whilst the kids sleeps with the other parent! Kids wanting to snuggle up to one parent on the sofa parents having to take one kid each to different activities. At no stage would my DS come second to anyone in the world. I spent a childhood coming second to another adult. It damaged me for life

CherryChasingDotMuncher Mon 16-Oct-17 13:10:27

You need to get past your jealousy of your partners children.


Read the OP. She’s not jealous she’s frustrated by the lack of help and the exclusion.

Wonder how long it will be before someone asks if you’re the OW

XJerseyGirlX Mon 16-Oct-17 13:14:46

I think that's lovely that his 11 and 13 year old still want to hold his hand. Why don't you and your DH go shopping together when the kids aren't visiting so your not left with all the bags?

teaandtoast Mon 16-Oct-17 13:50:26

Fuck that! Let them go shopping together and enjoy some time to yourself.

ToesInWater Tue 17-Oct-17 11:22:00

You got into a relationship with a man with kids, it’s tough but you are the grown up. Either let them have time with their dad alone (which is probably what they would prefer if they had a choice) or accept that for this short period of time when you are all together you are not the centre of attention.

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