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To remove DD from school for a week

(21 Posts)
Nothingworththatbed Thu 12-Oct-17 14:06:22

I am presupposing that IABU. I have name changed. I won't claim I have been around forever as is the convention. But around penisbeaker I stopped lurking. Also. It is long and I probably should say
in short: children harassing my DD so I am moving her to a different school. This week seems worse. Should I keep her off next week?
Long version-
My DD has had on going problems with a girl in her class for almost three years. They used to be friends. It ended the day after my DD won a maths award and the girl along with her two older siblings tied my DD to a tree at the end of a lunch break (and a threat to strip her naked).
The following term I had abusive texts from the mother. My elder DD spent most of her lunchtime with her sister and on days she didn't a member of that family would attack the younger DD or accuse her of shouting at them. Which she probably did she does shout when criticised heavily.
My DD spent the next year in thinking bay at lunchtime for shouting at members of this family to leave her alone and sometimes insulting them. On which we made progress on but DD was F
Frequently with scrapes and bruises from being pushed to the ground, clothing torn, held against walls by her throat and being punished for shouting by staff.
More abusive texts to me. Calling my daughters sluts, saying I am inadequate etc
Mother of said children started shouting at my children (that they should be in care, they better watch their backs) if they were without me (between school gate and pick up point). I started picking up from gate. Older DD now left for secondary.
Mother of these children since started staring at my daughter getting changed for her out of school swimming lesson. I changed her lesson time after another paren't mentioned it.
Children of this family started making threats about getting me and my daughters and son. Texts from mother stop as I change number.
Criminal damage to my house and car.
I have withdrawn my son's nursery application as the mother works at the local one. Not citing any reason. Though of course it is because I would not trust this woman with the care of a cardboard box.
I am now in the process of securing a new school place for my daughter.
Yesterday parents of two other children in the school contacted me about this. One of them calling 5 times in less than an hour until I answered. Car tyre punctured.
I am struggling with agoraphobia and panic attacks.
These parents have essentially said word for word the last text received from mother of the family that have a problem with me.
Would I be unreasonable to remove DD from school next week and get her started at new school after half term?
Most of it does seem directed at me but I am worried they will get wind that she is leaving and up their efforts while they still have a chance to hurt her.

LemonBreeland Thu 12-Oct-17 14:09:04

YANBU at all. I cant believe your dd has been at the school so long with this going on.

DancingLedge Thu 12-Oct-17 14:12:57

Definitely not Use.
I wouldn't let her do another single day.

Skarossinkplunger Thu 12-Oct-17 14:13:30

I take it the police have been involved?

DancingLedge Thu 12-Oct-17 14:13:43

Not not use.Argh.

YANBU

Nothingworththatbed Thu 12-Oct-17 14:15:28

I don't want to discuss that (police). Is that OK?

theothersideoftheworld Thu 12-Oct-17 14:17:05

I would keep her home. Just don't say anything and just remove her. Sorry you and your family are having to go through this shit .

slbhill42 Thu 12-Oct-17 14:28:35

yanbu, keep her home and tell the school that it's because they have failed to control the behaviour of the other kids. They can't do anything about the outside school stuff but there is no excuse for the in-school stuff.

But nothing you've done so far is going to solve the problem - you're running away. I can entirely understand why, but you need to report this. to the police, to the school. I'd be contacting the head at the nursery you've withdrawn from too. Obviously you need to focus on your kids and you're doing that really well... but how will you feel if she is treating others (potentially at her nursery/work) like this and nothing is done because there is no corroboration. You are that corroboration, you do have the power. You need to tell people. Get help if you need it but tell them. Start with crimestoppers if you need to, it's anonymous.

Lymmmummy Thu 12-Oct-17 14:30:47

To be honest I would be tempted to move school is this a possibility ?

Nothingworththatbed Thu 12-Oct-17 14:34:31

Yes. We are running and if I could afford it we would be moving house too.
I don't want to discuss the police on here.

Nothingworththatbed Thu 12-Oct-17 14:35:28

Oh yes. I should have put in the short version new school place probably after half term.

Imonlyfuckinghuman Thu 12-Oct-17 14:35:40

Why on earth did you let it get to this point?

Call the police

NynaevesSister Thu 12-Oct-17 14:36:27

Gosh remove her now. There is no requirement in the UK to be in school. Just to be in education. De register from that school now, and say you are home educating until you find a suitable school.

Put in a formal complaint to the chair of governors about the way that the school has handled this.

But definitely don't send her back there. Ever again.

socktastic Thu 12-Oct-17 14:38:58

You need a move. Your poor daughter needs a move and a fresh start. This family sound absolutely abhorrent and I very much hope the police are involved - i appreciate this issue has been addressed already on the thread. Being subject to bullying, intimidation and a campaign of abuse is simply unacceptable and I would hope a move would mean that your daughter will be in a happier place. And, yes, keep her off this week!

TheHungryDonkey Thu 12-Oct-17 14:39:50

Keep her off. When I changed my son’s school during the year because the head teacher couldn’t keep him safe from bullies, he told me not to bother bringing him in for the last week. He wasn’t going to put any support in for him so just said don’t come in and I’ll authorise absence for a week. So clearly they can do this if it suits them too.

Nothingworththatbed Thu 12-Oct-17 14:41:34

Thanks all. I will do that. I will leave this thread as is in the hope it will drop off the radar sooner.

HouseholdWords Thu 12-Oct-17 14:44:13

Why hasn't the school done anything about this? Or the LA? Or school nurse or counsellor or Home room teacher. Have you told anyone who could help your daughter?

Pancakeflipper Thu 12-Oct-17 14:44:14

Have you spoken to the HT and governors?
And police involvement as this is escalating and someone could be seriously hurt. Don't know why you don't want to talk to the police.

HouseholdWords Thu 12-Oct-17 14:49:22

But nothing you've done so far is going to solve the problem - you're running away

This. Having been bullied at school myself, I can tell you there's a sense of failure in the victim. It might be quite good for your DD to see that there is some sort of justice and some control available to her. That what has been done to her is unlawful, and that those who've assaulted & bullied her will suffer consequences.

Otherwise she'll carry the effects of this with her & it could be a bit difficult for her starting "anew." We always take ourselves with us, wherever we go.

prh47bridge Thu 12-Oct-17 15:14:59

Don't know why you don't want to talk to the police

I took the OP's comment to mean that she doesn't want to discuss the police involvement in the case with us, not that she hasn't talked to the police at all.

Nandoshoes Thu 12-Oct-17 15:22:54

sorry really confused.

is the DC of yours who is experiencing the bullying primary or secondary.

Really REALLY sorry this is happening to you both.

I would really try and move somewhere for a fresh start this is horrible.

If police are involved could you ask them for a letter so you can show HA or LL to leave tenancy early or get an exchange.

Such a horrible thing to happen to a family.

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