Ex driving DS without a seat belt

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

DS arrived back from a meal out with ex and his family at 10.30pm. All fine, and he said it was OK.
When chatting to him about how his family is (they were visiting from the other side of country) he was talking about how crammed it was in the car. Turns out he'd been put in the middle of the back seats, with no seat belt. I asked him why he got in, an he said that his dad always drives him in his van, putting DS in the back, unrestrained.

I'm furious, and have told DS to please refuse in the future, and just to call me.

Background is that I've been separated from ex for around 13 years now (DS is 15yrs) and don't really deal with ex now, as it always ends in abusive attitude. DS is old enough to see himself out to the car, so thats how I leave things now. Rarely contact him as I don't have any need ( he doesn't pay any support, and does the complete opposite of any thing I ask, so I stopped trying years ago.

In these circumstances, what can I reasonably do?

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

and he said..

[khajiit13]

There's not a lot you can do aside reporting to the police. Unfortunately it lies with your DS and his dad. Your DS is old enough to know that legally he needs a seat belt, it serge he needs to look out for himself if his father isn't going to

[Kipi]

I think the law is that the driver is only responsible for making sure passengers under the age of 14 are wearing seatbelts?

[Kipi]

I’m not sure if that means the fine would go straight to your ds if they were caught?
Dh was caught on a traffic camera not wearing his (just him in car) and he got a fixed penalty through the post. He can do an online exam to bypass the points though.

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

Thanks for the quick responses. I'd assumed that was the case, and did tell DS to refuse to get in the car.
My worry is that ex will force (through words, not action) DS to get in the car anyway. DS also said that 'dad will just shout at me'. I told him to refuse regardless. Ex is not an easy man, and that's being polite.

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

Crossed posts with your last reply Kipi. DS would get the fine? Is that right? Perhaps I should check that out too. Although my main worry is obviously his safety. Ex has had a fair few crashes (more than a couple that I know of in the 18 years or so I've known him) , due to reckless driving, phone use etc over the years, so am even more concerned.

[Kipi]

He sounds horrid! Not a good situation but try to get your ds to stand up to him otherwise he’s setting himself up for a lifetime of bolshy and bullying behaviour.

[Kipi]

The law requires that drivers and passengers aged 14 and over in cars, vans and other commercial vehicles must wear a seatbelt, if available. As a driver you are responsible for ensuring that anyone under the age of 14 wears a seat belt or uses an appropriate child restraint as required by law.


For passengers 14 years old and over, it is their own responsibility to ensure that they wear a seat belt if there is one available. As a passenger you may get a fine of £500 for not wearing a seat belt and can be awarded two penalty points.

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

He is horrid.

Thanks for the information. It's really frustrating when it comes to things like this - there is no reasoning with him, and I dont bother now, as he only spends the time bashing me to DS when I do.

This is a safety matter though, so it's all the worse.

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

If anyone has any advice on how to deal with it, especially given the background, I'd really appreciate it.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Does your DS want to see him?

He's a crap dad, no financial support, and puts him in danger on the roads, and is aggressive to your DS too.

Say to your DS that he's in real danger without a belt, and you don't want him shouted at either, so if he wants to avoid being with his dad and driving, you'll help him make that happen. He can't be pushed into contact now.