To think I'm a shit mum?

[Ames33]

I'm so worried about my DS. Born in July 2013 so started school this year.
He cries every morning and says he hates school and school dinners. We have decided to carry on with dinners as he is super fussy and think they will help him. He is trying more and more things each day.
He is also just so mardy. He is very active but not as far on as some in his class with bike riding/ running etc and if they are faster than him he just starts crying and says he is not their friend anymore! Or if he thinks it's his turn and doesn't get a go he just cries. He is so emotional and I worry that the kids will just stop playing with him.
I thought about holding him back a year but decided against it, but now wonder if I should have?
He just seems emotionally immature compared to the others.
My mum says he is the way he is because I give in to him too much and he is spoilt. She not saying it to be harsh, just honest.
I do spoil him, I have mental health issues and try and overcompensate for them.
I'm probably just being stupid but I can't help but think I'm getting it all wrong and doing a shit job of being a mum

[CobwebKitten]

You're not a shit mum. You care about this stuff.

Be firm. "You are being rude to your friends." "It is not your turn." Then ignore the tears.

He's trying more things so stick to the dinners. My son attempted being fussy - I had absolutely no patience for it. I said he could eat his meal or not eat it, I did not mind one way or the other, but I wouldn't hear his lengthy lectures on its quality. Once he realised no one was listening and he wasn't allowed to whine 'don't like it', he just ate it. Same with school dinners - no one's listening to whether he thinks the peas are too green, so he just eats them. Gradually he forgot all about 'being fussy'.

Stick to your guns and try and ignore the tantrums. If he's awful in the playground he'll learn quickly to be pleasant to the other children or be left out. The teachers will help with this too, when they see it.

Just don't reward negative attention - if he's tantrumming, don't look, don't talk, just carry on with your business firmly until he behaves well again. You can tell the difference between a tantrum and genuine upset, so don't worry about seeming harsh.

[SongforSal]

A shit mum would not question her parenting and entertain the idea. So it sounds like you're doing well. He's young, and will push boundaries. Ignore the tantrums, he'll soon learn to elicit attention in other ways.

[Ttbb]

My eldest is a bit like this. I'm not particularly indulgent and his younger brother is his diametric opposite. Some children, some people, are just inherently very emotional. The best thing you can do is to help him deal with his emotions and give him the time to develop some maturity.

[Ttbb]

It's certainly not your fault. You are not a shit mum, your mother might be though.

[Ames33]

Thanks everyone.
My mum really isn't, she is great, just tells it like it is! She brought up 4 of us on her own so has been through it all.
I'm just sat with him now and he really is lovely, and so happy at home. I think it's the relationship building that he is finding difficult.
He's fine in the playground and plays nicely, obvs don't know what he is like during the day at playtime.
I'll ignore the tantrums and have a chat with him about trying to manage his emotions better. He's also shattered from school which doesn't help!

[balsamicbarbara]

You're not a shit mum. Some kids just are harder work and have more problems than others. Keep providing support and helping him through his issues.

[Lndnmummy]

Aw, sending a hug. It is really hard for them at first, he will soon settle. You will see after half term things will get better. It is so fraught in the beginning whilst they adjust. He will settle

[PurplePidjin]

Mines November born and a bit like this at the moment. He's tired and nervous about what to expect. He was in bed asleep by 5:45 tonight and could have been earlier if he hadn't pissed about in the bath