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To not want to continue sharing my buy to let income with non live in DP

(26 Posts)
starshine1926 Sat 19-Aug-17 00:14:34

My DP and I met 15 years ago through business. We were both self employed in the same line of business. He was doing better than me, due mainly to my lack of experience. About 9 years ago we combined our businesses into a simple, non formal partnership i.e all costs of stock, adverts etc shared and all income shared. No premises, we traded for years on the net and in fairs. He invested more stock than me and he also financed much of our social life in the early years of our relationship as I was skint (nervous breakdown 20 years ago).

I had inherited a house 20 + yrs ago. Renovated it and tried to sell but decided to rent it instead (about the time DP and I joined forces). I also remortgaged as I intended to buy another buy to let. We have never fully lived together and both have own houses.

DP decided 5 years ago that since we were in business together, we should share everything including my rent. I agreed because DP had made a financial contribution (as desc above) and he needed the cash. We split the rental income 50/50 and so my portion fell short of covering the mortgage by £50.

Fast forward 5 years and things are different. 3 yrs ago I bought a large business premises (in my sole name) with the remortgaged cash and money from my mum.We have been trading from there for over a year and it is a fantastic business opportunity. Unfortunately, my DM passed away 9 months ago, after I had moved in to care for her during her last 3 years. I now live in DM house which is fine, but I obviously miss her financial contribution to the bills and have spent shedloads on doing up business premises. I have an interest only mortgage on the rental house with less than 10 years to go so wanted to start overpaying to reduce the capital.

A few months ago I tried to discuss the rental situation with DP as I wanted to change to splitting the profit not the rental income as I think that is fairer. DP has had about 10k in the last 5 years which balances out what he invested/spent on me in the early days. I have a new mortgage deal so now the rent covers the mortgage & insurance then we split profit 50/50. Of course WW3 broke out and I was accused of going back on the 'deal'. Huge row, didn't speak etc. In practice, it means DP gets £75 less per month than before.
We got through that but today he started again saying it wasn't fair saying I had reduced 'his' money (WTF!) and massively exaggerating the amount he claims to have spent on me years ago. I think I am being fair. What's the point of a buy to let if it doesn't pay the mortgage for fuck's sake!! I owned the house before I met him and it has nothing to do with our current business. He gets half the income from our current business set up and he didn't invest a penny. Granted, he works hard and he worked on the building (I paid him for that to safeguard myself). Of course he claims I didn't pay him enough and I couldn't have done it without him. He also continually reminds me how he 'carried' me in business while I was 'playing about' with mum i.e taking her to hospital, doctors, general caring. Not true, I worked bloody hard in the business as well but of course he has always worked much harder than me, according to him.

I am still grieving my mum and it is hard because I have no kids or siblings so basically no family left. I feel so alone and just think 'what's the point in me being here?' My DP who should be supportive, has been an utter cunt these past 6 months - I posted in Bereavement forum and you all told me to LTB but I didn't feel strong enough. On paper I seem to have it all - 4 properties, a decent inheritance (he doesn't know how much and is pissed off I wont tell him), degree educated, reasonable health, told I don't look my age (early50s), reasonable figure, nice personality and attractive face, according to my friends. (Not boasting honestlygrin, as I have the lowest self esteem). But I just think my life is grim with no family. Still miss my mum.

So AIBU regarding rent?

Rkd808 Sat 19-Aug-17 00:25:28

Personally I'd make the decision to separate the business from the relationship as they're obviously not working well together anymore. If he then decides that you're bu you can choose to leave him or get a mediator to help you decide what is fair.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater Sat 19-Aug-17 00:25:47

Stop sharing the rent money with him that house has nothing to do with him and also LTB you can do so much better than that tosser.

HundredMilesAnHour Sat 19-Aug-17 00:27:55

It sounds like your problems with your DP are bigger than how you split rental income. But if you want to focus on just that one thing, a question to ask yourself is is it really worth all this aggro for the sake of what sounds like £75 less a month to your DP? Maybe £75/month is worth it for a quiet life. (I should add that I would never suggest a quiet life usually but if you're already had a thread of "LTB" and decided not to do anything, there's no value in repeating that advice).

Jedimum1 Sat 19-Aug-17 00:39:22

If you are putting the rent directly into the mortgage, it's not like anyone is getting a profit, anyway? The new mortgage deal is different, as it is your new business situation. I think you have very messy finances, you should try to separate business (stock, premises, taxes...) from family finances (accomodation costs, food, bills...). You seem to be now on similar income from the business, so it shouldn't be difficult to work out what your finances are now, I guess.

Maybe make sure he understands it's not that you are going to pocket all the rent money but that it is going directly to the mortgage. The money passes by your hands but you don't actually see it, in a sense. You are not getting anything from him, the sooner the house is paid off, the sooner you can decide what to do with the rental income, whether will be to fund outings as he did for you, or saving for another property, or having your own savings or giving him a part. You'll decide then.. if you are still together?

Don't tell him how much the inheritance is, it's not his money, you are not married, you have no kids together, it was you'd DM's money, he seems a bit hung up on finances and how much he "invested in you", how much "you owe", how much "you are taking away"

SunRainSun Sat 19-Aug-17 02:40:36

If you are not married and have separate bank accounts I don't understand why you are giving him free money from your asset!. Look on moneysavingexpertcom. come to see how poor savings and investment rates are. I would plough all your money into your property and pension. Look after number one.

sykadelic Sat 19-Aug-17 03:03:15

I would try and split everything to be honest, best you can anyway

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Sat 19-Aug-17 03:10:35

In hindsight, which of course is a wonderful thing, in your position with your original property, I think I would have paid the mortgage first, then split the money(if you wanted to). Currently though, id be getting professional advice which he can't argue about, re the current income. (Also about separating your assets from his, because frankly, I can see am acrimonious break coming and it sounds like he might not play ball)

Seeingadistance Sat 19-Aug-17 03:13:31

Would it be helpful to get formal advice from lawyers and/or accountants in relation to the business side of your partnership? You should probably also, before that, see a financial advisor about your own finances - mortgages, rental income, properties etc so you can approach the business side of things with a clear plan about what are your personal assets versus what are business assets.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 19-Aug-17 03:14:12

I agree that you have bigger problems than just the rent-splitting. He sounds very petty. Do you really want to stay with him?

e1y1 Sat 19-Aug-17 03:24:58

Well if you have covered what he spent in the early years, then YANBU.

If you haven't, they YABU as it does come across he carried you a lot in the beginning.

Of course, as you are not married and not living together, anything outside the informal business deal is nothing to do with him.

But if it were me, I would just want to make sure I had covered what was spent in the beginning.

diamond49 Sat 19-Aug-17 03:28:31

If you are running the business together surely you should have a partnership agreement? I am not sure what hmrc would maje of this.I mean how does he deduct your business expenses against his income? Who
does your taxes?

C0untDucku1a Sat 19-Aug-17 03:45:46

Seek professional advice.
stop giving him a penny from the rental and pay off the mortgage with the rent. It is madness that you are giving him money and not meefing the mortgage costs! Hou have given him £10k from it and had to pay extra to the rent to meet the mortgage?!?!?! The fact he thinks this is fair shows you what andelfish dick he is.
Sort out fhe financies if the business formally and then shownhim fhe door on your relationship. He does not sound like he is in it for fhe right reasons.
Also you said at the start he was doing better than you in business, but do you know this for a fact? Ive come across too many men in the work place who are all about self promotion and doing things that are high profile but when you look at the figures they tell a very differenr story. Im wary of him becaus you said he needed the money, yet according to him was doing so much better than you. Doesn't add up.

SunRainSun Sat 19-Aug-17 05:13:07

I agree that you need to separate your business from your personal finances. Are you paying the correct tax on your earnings? Secondly, I agree it makes no sense to be paying him when you have not enough to pay the mortgage, that is madness! Stop. Pay all your bills first and tax. Save some for your future. Of course he won't like it if you stop giving him money, because he has effectively won the lottery_free money. I believe unless you have anything in writing about paying him any money back, you owe him nothing. I agree a good idea to see a free financial adviser and possibly pay for an account after shopping around for a good price.

SunRainSun Sat 19-Aug-17 05:14:42

Pay for an accountant and

mummmy2017 Sat 19-Aug-17 06:43:25

Ok Trying to work this through but need some answers.
For the first 6 years you both had separate buisness's.
So you sold and bought stock and kept the profit. He did the same.
You then combined the business into one.
Did you have accounts at this time?
1.If stock was bought with money from the buisness and you both worked the buisness and shared the profit at the end of the year he didn't buy more stock.
2. Did he buy stock, and take the money out of the profit and split was what left. after you feel you had both worked a fair day.
3. Did he buy stock and you both worked and he split what ever you had made?

And if he says your spliting the profits from the rental as said remind him you should be taking the mortgage payments out before you split the rent.

lornathewizzard Sat 19-Aug-17 07:26:56

Sorry if this is naive but if he wants to share the income then surely he needs to share the costs too - i.e. The mortgage. Seems straightforward to me

Ktown Sat 19-Aug-17 07:32:19

You need an accountant.
When you are explaining to them you need to keep the emotion out of it.
Seperstely bank accounts shouldn't be that difficult.

missmollyhadadolly Sat 19-Aug-17 07:33:55

Honestly, just leave him. He said you were 'playing about' when your mum was sick? shock That's not normal or decent behaviour.

If you married him, could he potentially be entitled to half lf everything? Sounds like he would go for all he can get.

Don't waste yourself on an utter cunt.

aaaaargghhhhelpme Sat 19-Aug-17 07:35:35

So sorry to hear about your mum flowers

I'm not a financial expert but I agree with the pp. you need financial advice and I would separate everything.

I haven't read your posts on the other boards but it doesn't sound great between the two of you. Is there more stuff going on apart from the money? Sorry don't mean to pry. I'm just thinking if you're going to get advice - maybe also ask about separating everything for a split. If that's what you want of course. Sorry it all sounds pretty shitty. Take care

swingofthings Sat 19-Aug-17 07:38:00

Who knows, although it comes across as if you were happy to share when it suited your situation, not now that you are the one losing out, and it's likely to be that principle he has an issue with rather than the actual money.

If he was to inherit tomorrow, or win the lottery, and he kept that money for himself so was able to afford going on really nice holiday you couldn't contribute towards, would you be ok with that?

It's much more about the principles within your relationship than the transactual arrangements.

SonicBoomBoom Sat 19-Aug-17 07:47:34

Yes, just stop giving him part of that money.

Definitely don't tell him about your inheritance amount.

TestTubeTeen Sat 19-Aug-17 08:04:04

Ummm, not sure why you split the income From the rental rather than the profit. It was odd to give him half the income when you had to then subsidise the mortgage. And honestly, if it was on an interest only mortgage, it wasn't really income. You have the whole capital to pay! Pay all of the rent into the mortgage now, if you can. Suppose house prices fall??

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Sat 19-Aug-17 08:23:21

I'm very sorry about your mum.

I think if you split everything down the middle, that should include expenditure such as, in this case, the mortgage costs. Anything else is unreasonable .

It sort of sounds like, at the beginning he saw you as some sort of investment. Like he spent time and money on you and now feel he's entitled to everything that's yours.

Does he actually feel he's entitled to your inheritance? BUT TBH, you should be concerned that you don't want to tell him.

Generally, if you're in a loving partnership and came into some money you'd want to share it, not hide it because your partner will basically try to take it from you.

There's just so much distrust.

abigailgabble Sat 19-Aug-17 08:33:03

you sound great, accomplished, level headed. and it sounds like you have, in the long run, invested more in the business. he sounds like a twat. will you ever contemplate leaving the bastard?

inheritances etc are a tricky one when it comes to pooling resources. personally i think it was your mum's so you should do with it as you please.

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