Am I right?

[mokaerisifhija]

Name change in case this turns out to be outing.

I work full time at a quite well paid managerial job, but not enough to fully support a family.

DW would desperately love to be a full time painter, has some talent and has received some notice with a few small-scale exhibitions and a reasonable number of sales (nothing enough to make her well-known yet) - but nowhere near being able to make a living. Obviously it's quite rare to make a living in this or any creative profession. So we have set things up so that she has an office job 4 days a week and paints 2 days a week, we have 1 day a week "family" time which we either spend as quality time together or achieving household admin and/or housework that there isn't time for in the week.

Her office job is in a minor branch of the civil service, a junior role firmly below managerial level.

Due to a combination of idiocy at higher levels of government and administration, poor planning from management and understaffing of her immediate team, there is suddenly a very urgent need for a piece of work to be done tomorrow, and DW has been asked to give up what ought to be a painting day to do it. The only other person capable of doing the work is her manager, who wouldn't be as good at it as DW.

Whilst she would be given TOIL for this, I think she should say no. Her manager treats her badly all the time anyway (constantly critical and micromanaging without good reason) and regularly turns down reasonable requests from DW for odd days off if they aren't 100% convenient. I see no reason for her to go the extra mile and make a personal sacrifice to make up for other people's cockups. I also feel that we make significant sacrifices as a family to facilitate DW pursuing a creative career, and that therefore her painting days should be respected.

DW isn't very assertive and is minded to agree because saying no would be unpopular. I feel quite strongly that this is wrong. Am I right?

[missiondecision]

No. I think you wrong. A good working environment cannot be over rated. She can be creative another time, it sounds like you are well organised between you.

[VladmirsPoutine]

I feel quite strongly that this is wrong. Am I right?

What does she want to do?

[missiondecision]

Assuming she wants to of course. I honestly can not see why you would want to solve this for her. She's your wife not your daughter.

[Glumglowworm]

If she's happy to do it then she should do it.

Her employer don't care about her painting career and your family sacrifices. They matter to you and your family, but the employer doesn't care what she does on her day off. They just want to know if she can work it on this occasion.

Presumably the day she takes using toil will be a painting day to make up for losing this one?

So it's really up to her.

[TwitterQueen1]

Her decision. Not yours.
FWIW I think your DW is making the right call.

[TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot]

It's entirely your wife's decision (assuming her working tomorrow won't affect the rest of the family).

It's her job, her painting, her time that will be affected. It's her decision what to do with them.

[Fruitcorner123]

Yes it's her decision but i can see you feel she is being taken advantage of and you want her to stand up for herself.

I would say no to working extra if I was your DW but you can't force her so assuming you've told her your opinion and reasons I suppose you just have to leave it to her.

[mokaerisifhija]

OK I shall back off.

I guess I am mostly resentful due to the emotional fallout from the miserable working conditions I mentioned and I don't like the idea that the employer should get anything from good will and kindness that they manifestly do not deserve.

But you are all right that she is a grownup and can make her own choices.