Brief context - I have a slightly strained relationship with my mother and sister, though I'm not sure they would see it that way. My sister is 10 years younger than me, so in her late teens. My mother was a drug addict when we were younger (functioning, in that bills mostly got paid, food was mostly in the cupboard etc) but that meant I did a lot of caring for my sister and hand holding for my mother. Sort of a second parent to my sister and a friend to my mother. It's a fairly dysfunctional relationship. They want my opinions and support only when they are having dramas, the rest of the time it feels like they don't want to hear what I think. Their relationship is very intense as neither of them have many friends and therefore they spend a lot of time together. It's taken some active work on my part to distance myself enough to get on with life and not get drawn in all the time. I try and keep boundaries as much as possible now as they've always been so blurred in the past. Sorry not very brief.
Anyway AIBU - mother texted yesterday morning asking if her and my sister could pop over later. I'd taken the kids out for the day and wasn't expecting to be back until 4 or 5 at which point I'd be cracking on with dinner as OH was going out at 7. So I said as much, that I would be back too late but offered to call in the evening.
So about 5.30pm they rolled up anyway? Not for any reason other than they'd bought a toy for DS1 (2). They then stayed nearly an hour, holding the baby and talking and generally making it hard to get on with the evening. Luckily OH had cancelled plans so was around to help out, but they didn't know that. If they'd turned up out of the blue I would have been mildly put out, but am finding it really annoying that they asked me and then just ignored my answer. It's another in a long list of times I've felt my thoughts were ignored so maybe I'm a bit over the top/sensitive but aibu to find this irritating?
AIBU?
Why bother even asking
Extua · 22/07/2017 12:23
Just looked back at the messages, my reply I said "I'm out all day and won't be back til after 4 or 5 so it'll be too late. I could call in the evening though" so possibly a bit unclear but my mother replied "ok no worries, ring me tonight if there's a time that works for you if not we can speak tomorrow" so she clearly understood?
I didn't say anything when they arrived as I have no back bone.
Another example is she knows I am careful about how much sugar DS has and I particularly avoid him having sugary drinks as I don't see the point. He likes water. The other day she was giving him sips of her sugary bottled drink and I said "That's full of sugar" and her reply was just "well it's nice for him to have a treat when he's with me"... surely the correct response is "shit sorry, I won't give him any more (particularly as I know how you feel, you've said a lot how you feel about these drinks
)". Again I didn't say anything more, I just stew so I guess it's my fault.
Her and my sister both do things very impulsively and sloppily (e.g. half paint a wall then change their mind and it'll just stay that way for months) whereas I try and do stuff properly now because it makes me happier. I feel like they see me as lame and boring as a result and find it really hard to show any kind of spine when they do things as I feel like I'm confirming that I'm uptight toothem. I don't think I am uptight or that any of my friends would describe me that way.
God I sound pathetic. I don't think I am in the rest of my life. And I have a job that requires me to be assertive and I manage that fine.
When phone contract comes up for renewal could you manage to say youre cancelling the contracts because its a hassle for you. And then just cancel. They will have to make their own arrangements then. I would also be loathe to tell people to back off in real life but I'd probably not be answering the door if I told them it wasnt convenient and they ignored me anyway. I probably would avoid justifying my movements and instead of saying about in at 5 and OH out at 7 I would prob say no x day is no good. And draw the curtains
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