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That feeling of being used by all

(16 Posts)
Rhubarbrumble Wed 12-Jul-17 18:02:24

AIBU
To be upset at being given in effect an alloted time to take something over to eldest daughters home ?
Happens all the time or i will be told to wait outside in the car so she can take what ive had to bring over. I understand not all times are suitable but to be constantly be given a time and in effect a time to leave by am i right to be upset?

Feeling a damn site used by all my family and a friend at the moment tbh so its tipped me over the edge and ive full on thrown my toys out the pram at DH who is the worst of them all.

I had a breakdown 10 months ago. No one has helped. No one has ever asked how i am without adding their latest drama or request for help as obviously im free to do everyones bidding if i dont work etc

Feeling very angry and very upset at what i feel is lack of love and respect.

Justhadmyhaircut Wed 12-Jul-17 18:03:23

Stop being her delivery service till she can be more respectful. .

Rhubarbrumble Wed 12-Jul-17 18:09:04

Phew i thought maybe i was being a really shitty mum feeling this way. Its been upsetting me all day . Thing is its not even taking stuff over. Its any visit. We are not allowed to drop by etc but she does to us.
There was a time i thought it was because of her partner and i know he hates it but surely you would understand and make sure not to behave this way..
Maybe im just upsetting myself due to starting counselling tomorow and no one bothering to care despite everything i put myself out to do.
Theyve all got a shock coming then as i need to stop aiming to please !

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 12-Jul-17 18:13:04

Tell her that time doesn't work for you so she should feel free to come to collect said item when she is ready.

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth Wed 12-Jul-17 18:14:21

Your daughter sounds like a bitch, plain and simple. Has it been ever thus?

Groupie123 Wed 12-Jul-17 18:19:39

Tell your daughter in no uncertain terms that you are her mother not her maid. She wants something from now on, she gets it. And don't let her 'drop by' - all visits need to be scheduled.

Groupie123 Wed 12-Jul-17 18:20:49

My cousin is like your daughter: thinks she's a hot shot because of her job. But the truth is she's a pathetic woman-child who can't do anything without her mum. Stop everything you do for her right away.

MaisieDotes Wed 12-Jul-17 18:25:49

Are the things you're bringing over things that your DD has asked for? Or are they things you just want to give her?

My mother sometimes buys things (she suffers from buy-itis) in TK MAXX and places like that and then wants to drop them over straight away.

These are usually things we don't need or want.

However if your DD has requested the items then yanbu. Tell her to come and collect them next time!

Jayfee Wed 12-Jul-17 18:32:42

sounds like the daughter in shirley valentine! no wonder her mum runs off to a greek island

Birdsgottaf1y Wed 12-Jul-17 18:33:22

What time are you going over and what time do you stay until?

My eldest DD rocks up at my middle DDs at inappropriate times, my middle DD has a difficult/bad sleeping toddler, my eldest works shifts, so doesn't see an issue of turning up at 8.30pm.

My girls use the joke about me lingering, so I get the hint to leave. Some people don't take the hint, though.

Rhubarbrumble Wed 12-Jul-17 18:34:53

They are things she has asked for x

Rhubarbrumble Wed 12-Jul-17 18:37:29

Ive never just turned up and dont end up staying long so its not that. Its more she will ask and ill agree and then like last night be given a 20 min slot .sounds funny when i say it outloud but its all the time

Rhubarbrumble Wed 12-Jul-17 18:40:15

Its just upsetting when ive honest to god never just turned up and have never stayed for hours .just upsetting to feel im on the clock i guess. In other ways shes a very loving girl but on this is reallt upsets me. Guess i need to grow a pair and tell her.

peekyboo Wed 12-Jul-17 18:48:23

Maybe just ask her why rather than tell her? In her mind there could be a completely valid reason she does it that wouldn't occur to most people? E.g. is she anxious, does she need to know when everything is happening and for how long? Or is she super-organised in other areas of life and used to people fitting in with it?

If you've never overstayed your welcome or just turned up then there must be some other reason, possibly nothing to do with you personally. Still difficult though.

BenLui Wed 12-Jul-17 18:53:50

Sorry sweetheart that doesn't suit me. I'll leave it in the kitchen (or wherever) pick it up when you have time.

HazelBite Wed 12-Jul-17 19:26:30

Op I feel your pain, since I retired in January I appear to be at everyone's beck and call.
I am now laundry monitor, constant cook, arranger in chief and general go-for for the family, my dreams of visiting art galleries, joining some classes meeting up with old friends have come to nothing.
When I was at work it was different the family's expectations were different. I feel tricked and resentful.

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