3 things-just 3 things.thats all i want....

[AnAngelWithin]

a reasonably tidy house
my kids to be happy
a social life


why can't I have all 3??

everywhere I go in the house, there are bits. Bits of paper, bits of fluff, bits of bits. Even when I have just cleaned up. Everywhere I turn there is something else to do. Something else to tidy or clean. If I spend all day cleaning then the kids get bored at weekends, and I have no social life in the week. But if the place is a mess it really gets me down. How the hell is is possible to have all 3 of the above. I know a lot of you will day just do what snecessary in the day etc, but then the major jobs pile up. I just want to feel like I am reasonably on top of everything. I really need to stick a load of stuff on ebay, sort out the kids wardrobes, and the house is in desperate need of redecorating. The loft needs sorting and we need to hire a skip to do that and the garden is a right tip the kids can't even go out and play. Its driving me crackers!!

[SSShakeTheChi]

I think you have to give up on the reasonably tidy house

[oxocube]

re tidying - do one room at a time and when kids are at school if possible. Dump anything you don't need, don't use. I go into a room to blitz it armed with a big roll of black bin bags. Its much easier to clean with less stuff in it. I also ditch any kids' toys which are broken, missing pieces, from Burger King or similar.

Should say I don't do this anywhere near often enough but its very theraputic when I do

Do you have someone you could go out for a coffee with through the week, to break it up a bit?

[dither]

i let all that stuff stress me out too tbh.
have recently been so stressed by it that i went to doc and asked for help - before i realised it was 'just' stress and i really need to deal with that rather than take ADs.
it can be very hard when you feel like youre treading water all the time, cant it?
we need to get out more. that would be a big help.
and the kids happy thing; just to tie all the stress up in a neat bundle of inescapable sticky web, you feel guilty all the time about not being a Good Enough Mother. sigh.

know how you feel, anyway.

[SSShakeTheChi]

I'd like my dd to look back on her childhood as a happy time full of great laughs with mum and getting out and about doing nice things. I really don't think she'll look back on it and remember untidy rooms or things. I do strive to always have a clean and tidy bathroom and kitchen but for the rest of it, I'm not honestly THAT bothered and probably a bit slack.

[dither]

that is a nice bit of perspective there SSS, i like that.

[hippmummy]

How old are your kids? I found it got much better when DS1 started at preschool. It gave me just a couple of extra hours a day with only one to entertain, and do some chores if DS2 goes for a nap.

I think you need to alternate weekends between doing chores and quality stuff with the children. We recently found DS1 (age 3) was getting bored, and therefore tantruming a lot because we spent to much time at the weekends trying to catch up on boring adult tasks.

Now we try and have at least one day a weekend doing nice stuff as a family so we don't feel bad on the day we have to get on with work.

[AnAngelWithin]

dh works til 1 on a saturday as well so im on my own with the kids til then. They are all playing in their bedrooms now. Ive got 4 aged between 1 and 8. dd2 is due for a sleep soon so i will have to blitz as much as I can in that time. the thing is, i remember the state of our house when i was growing up and i hated it. i dont want my children to think the same of me.

i am trying so hard. I really am. But i just cant do it.

[powder28]

Sort the garden out first, it costs about £250 to hire a skip but at least the kids can play and not be bored.

[dither]

no Angel, you cant be perfect.

and if you try, you'll only be hurting yourself, and then your unhappiness will affect others. so stop trying! you can do what you can do...and no more.

work out what your real honest priorities are, then work out what you can realistically do in your routine... incluse time for fun and time for relaxation and time for you in this. you must. and then set yourself REAL targets for what ou want to do, how you want to live.

PLEASE dont be so hard on yourself, its ultimately v unproductive anyway, and so much nicer to be happy/content/relaxed

[bobsyouruncle]

You sound like me, especially the bits everywhere part!? I think dither is so right about avoiding striving to be perfect - you'll never achieve it & make yourself unhappy trying. Prioritising is the key thing & trying to get some persepective on it. By that I mean I'm always reminding myself that I'll never look back when I'm in my 80's (if I make it to then!) and think "I wish I'd cleaned the house more...". So many things more important than a clean tidy house.

[megandsoph]

It cost me £60 to hire a 4 ton skip as I'm very much the same and tend to hord junk. Or you can buy jumbo bags from B&Q and then find a local company to collect it.

I haven't even managed to sort out dd3's room yet and she is due in 9 weeks

DD's 1 & 2 are off to scotland for a week next sat to stay with their dad so hopefully get it sorted then.

[oxocube]

Angel, your kids are v little - no wonder its a bit chaotic. Mine are 11,9 and 5 now and its so much easier now they are at school and can help me a bit round the house. Ds1 (11) is going to help me emulsion the staircase later this afternoon and they all try put their washing into the laundry basket, they put away their clean clothes etc but with 4 under 8, it must be very stressful

[hippmummy]

Agree - go easy on yourself, especially with 4 young kids. I find it hard sometimes and I only have 2!

Do you think maybe you might be remembering your home when you were a bit older? Maybe as a teenager and were a bit embarrassed about the state of your house? I'm sure at the ages your kids are now it won't matter a bit to them if the house is messy.

And it will get easier as they get older - I find it very hard to make progress around the house with a 1 year old to look after.

[strongteabag]

I almost posted something similar to the OP this morning. I walked in from the supermarket and wanted to walk back out again. The house is tidy and clean-ish, I just get this awful feeling when I come in that I must be doing something, washing in particular ALL the time.

I try to get out as much as I can, even just in the garden with the kids because otherwise I am just looking at what needs doing and getting frustrated.

I also found that I kept telling myself not to be perfect. I found myself doing silly things like baking every day, painting with DS (lasted 5 mins with half hour clearing up!) and making extra work for myself. Once I stopped trying to be perfect it got a little easier! Can you get the older ones to help for a bit of pocket money?

AnAngelWithin, you must be completely overwhelmed by what needs doing. I only have 3 little ones and find it tough sometimes. Can you break down all that needs doing in bits and set managable goals?

[madmarchhare]

Get the garden sorted then at least can get out from uder your feet.

[madmarchhare]

er, that should say' then you can get the kids out from under your feet'

[steinermum]

Big Big Hug. Maybe we get all three at the same time once they leave home. YOU ARE NOT ALONE !!!!!

[helenhismadwife]

I hate mess and clutter and it really gets me down, but I cant have a tidy house with two toddlers.

So I comprimise and make sure my bedroom is always tidy, no toys allowed in there at all and the sitting room is tidied up and is toy free when they go to bed. If it really upsets a lot make one room a tidy room and sort stuff out room by room it helps if you have a room where you can put all the stuff you sort out until you ebay it or put it on the for sale board, not easy with 4 little ones though.

I am sure your kids are happy, dont be so hard on yourself about it. Hopefully the social life will come as the children get older. Is it possible for your dh to look after the dc one evening while you do something you enjoy, evening class, swimming etc?

[Judy1234]

I had that bits phase and eve nnow the youngest is 22 I still seem to be dealing with "bits" of thigns in the wrong place all the time.

I do the same as the person posting below - keep certain areas clear because that's my preference like the downstairs and my bedroom and then I can shut doors on teenagers' bed rooms and just not look at them.

The way I solved it but only about 12 years into the having children business was when we could afford for someone to come in 3 or more mornings a week to clean and tidy. I will only finally solve it in 10 years' time when all 5 children may have left home and then I'll look round pristine neatness and miss them hugely.