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AIBU to not accept obnoxious behaviour as a symptom of depression?

(7 Posts)
whateveryousay Tue 27-Jun-17 14:39:55

So a bit of background.

I have a 15 year old DS, who is suffering from anxiety and depression. He is seeing a psychologist weekly for CBT, and I am trying to support him as best as I can, and thought I was doing a pretty good job. I am there to listen, he has always been able to talk to me, and I'm prepared to just sit with him when he's feeling very low.

However, what I'm not prepared to do is put up with his rude and obnoxious behaviour, and just accept it as a symptom of depression. This has only been an issue for the past couple of weeks, he has started to be a complete PITA at times, but then tries to tell DH and I that we are unreasonable for calling him out on this. He insists that it is a symptom of his depression (which I'm in agreement with), and that if he had a cold and was sneezing all of the time, we wouldn't be saying 'stop sneezing'. He says that I should just 'put up with' being used as a verbal punch bag, but I disagree, and think I should tell him each and every time that I will not be spoken to like that.

I guess what I'm worried about is that he is trying to insist that because he has depression and anxiety issues, then he should be able to treat people however he likes.

AIBU to not agree? I'm prepared to be told that I am. I've never suffered from depression, so I can't really see it from his point of view, much as I'm trying.

Wolfiefan Tue 27-Jun-17 14:42:41

Everyone is different. I have anxiety and depression. At its worst I have struggled to focus to have a conversation. It certainly hasn't made me be rude.
If he's struggling he needs coping mechanisms. He can't just be rude to people.

PinkHeart5911 Tue 27-Jun-17 14:44:27

It can be connected with depression.

Sometimes when people don't really understand the way they feel or like how they feel, or are struggling it can come out as angry/rudeness/ being obnoxious. Becuase the depression fog is taking over they can't always take control and stop it.

Having said that, it doesn't make being horrible to people ok and that is why they hopefully get help like your ds is and hopefully they come out of the fog

whateveryousay Tue 27-Jun-17 14:46:32

Thanks Wolfie. I am fully prepared to accept, 'I'm finding it difficult/don't want to talk right now', and I do so regularly, just struggling with the unpleasant shouting.

Changedtocovermyass Tue 27-Jun-17 14:48:03

It is bollocks. He needs to reflect on his appalling behaviour. Yes he might find it more challenging to have demands made of him, thus feel more close to losing his temper but he is responsible for how he treats others and treating others as a verbal punchbag is not necessary in life. He needs to learn to handle his anger and frustration better. He's quite close to being an adult. He needs to stop finding excuses for his treatment.ent of others and start taking responsibility for dealing with his own behaviour and feelings. If he is having treatment for his depression perhaps he could find out if support for anger issues is available too. It's not unusual to be frustrated by feeling "different" with health issues.

theymademejoin Tue 27-Jun-17 15:23:06

Speak to his psychologist and ask how best to deal with the behaviour. While it is probably related to his depression, he is more than likely also milking it to excuse his behaviour - after all, he is a teenager smile

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 27-Jun-17 15:30:43

It may be a symptom, just like his example of sneezing. But he wouldn't insist on sneezing in your faces, would he? He would cover his face and turn away. He needs strategies to reduce the impact on others. To help you, but also to help him in relationships in the future.

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