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AIBU?

AIBU to say this was an unreasonable way to say it.

12 replies

Lonelymummyof1 · 24/06/2017 16:52

( back history , poorly daughter )
Dad has been not very helpful at all, not visiting when she is really sick and not being helpful financially etc but there is loads and loads more.
His mum has probably met her twice in nearly 4 years and never rings either.
We had an argument this week over matinence which left him ignoring me when DD was in hospital.
Eventually they rang last night but it was his mum and he was in the background.
She was shouting at me saying I should be greatful for any money, for a child he does not see ( his choice to move miles away) told me to shut up and was verbally very rude.
He was in the background slamming cupboards.
Now I have a partner who is amazing and this seens to have highlighted some anger from ex.

He eventually took over the phone from his mum and the first setence he said is ...

We are going to bury that child and all you are angry over money.

I was very taken back yes she is sick do I think we will bury her any time soon ? NO
However I just do not think these were the right words !

OP posts:
Sirzy · 24/06/2017 16:54

I would cut contact with him and go via the CSA for money. It doesn't sound like he adds anything to your daughters life.

RandomMess · 24/06/2017 16:56

Just go to CMS, allow him the agreed contact and leave him to it.

MaisyPops · 24/06/2017 16:58

Wrong words.
Right sentiment.

I second sirzy get the CSA involved to chase maintenence.
But I would also get contact in a contact centre arranged and documented so that later in life when the feckless dad tries to turn on the "I love you but nasty mam wouldn't let me see you" you can produce evidence of all the times he hasn't turned up.

Funnyface1 · 24/06/2017 17:00

That is one of the most hurtful things I can ever imagine hearing. Deal with him no more and go down official channels with regards to maintainance. It doesn't sound like it will make a difference to your dd, who is obviously your main priority.

Lonelymummyof1 · 24/06/2017 17:02

It is not the money that bothers me, was not even angry when I tried phoning to ask.
The right sentiment ?
I am not angry over money at all but also just because I have a sick child wr kive a normal life to and so sometikes normal life stuff is important.

I Wwas horrifed the way he said and cried my eyes out as I do not believe I will ever bury her.

OP posts:
Lonelymummyof1 · 24/06/2017 17:03

Jeez sorry for the typos my thumbs are not playing ball !!

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 24/06/2017 17:03

I agree with RandomMess.
Leave it to CMS and don't have any further contact with them (especially the mother). If they phone and are abusive immediately hang up, don't get involved in slanging matches.
I'm so sorry your DD is so sick Flowers

NellieFiveBellies · 24/06/2017 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ifyoulikepinacolada · 24/06/2017 17:19

That is an awful, awful thing to say OP - I'd be devastated to hear it! YANBU to be upset. I wouldn't have contact with him again.

littlebird7 · 24/06/2017 17:33

Oh god, thats just vile. Cut all contact. You can not have a man like in your life, and certainly not one that is supposed to love and protect your dd. I can't imagine what you are already going through. Look after your dd and yourselves and forget all about him!

ratspeaker · 24/06/2017 17:46

Was it said as he was worried about her being ill?
Or worse was it said as a threat?
Either way you dont need the stress.



Set up an email account to correspond with him about your daughter. Only use this to communicate with him.
Tell him this.
Then
Block his number.
Go through proper channels to get child support.

NoFucksImAQueen · 24/06/2017 20:39

Ugh what a skanky little cunt. How dare he be so insensitive. I second the email for just him and block all numbers then go through cms

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