To really hate sleepovers?

[Mintychoc1]

I hate them, I really do. So I limit them to practically never.

I'm a single parent so no DH to share rules with. DS2 is 8 and he's never been to one or had a friend stay over. DS1 is 11 and he's been to about 4 and had a friend stay about 4 times. Each time he's stayed up till God knows when, and been exhausted afterwards. He's very highly strung at the best of times, and really doesn't handle sleep deprivation well. After a sleepover he's grumpy for 2 days, and makes life unpleasant for the rest of us.

I also hate having other kids in the house over night, I worry if they'll be OK, if they'll get upset, feel I can't slob around in the my pyjamas in the morning. I'm very hospitable during the day - my house is often full of kids - but by about 7pm I want them gone.

DS1 went to a friend's house for tea yesterday and friend's mum called and asked if he'd be allowed to stay over. I said no - he has lots of homework to do this weekend, and neither me nor DS2 want to deal with a stroppy tired kid for 2 days! When DS1 got home he was furious, said I was mean and unfair, all his friends had sleepovers all the time etc etc.

So, AIBU? Is this something that all kids have to do, as an essential part of childhood? Am I depriving my kids of an important experience?

[DubiousCredentials]

YANBU not to like sleepovers. Could you compromise and only allow them in the school holidays? Luckily our house is tiny so we have to make a point of saying to other parents that we can't reciprocate, which tbh is a blessing

I was 17 before I had a sleepover. They just weren't a thing when I was a child/teen.

[Mintychoc1]

I did say that he could go in the summer holidays, which is only 4 weeks away here, but that wasn't enough apparently. Like you, sleepovers weren't a thing in my childhood.

[harderandharder2breathe]

Yanbu, some kids can bounce back from no sleep, others like yours just can't (I can't either and I'm an adult!)

Stick to school holidays and 1 friend at a time.

[Notcontent]

Yanbu
I also hate them. Fortunately dd not super keen on them!

[ThePurpleOneWithTheNut]

YANBU. I also don't enjoy them. Admitting it feels like some sort of parenting black mark against you, but just I don't. I feel invaded.

I accept that nowadays they're inevitable though and we do them but I've limited them to holidays. I've got three teens. Luckily two of them aren't bothered these days but dd2(15) loves them more than ever. She's always tired and grumpy for ages afterwards. By the time we have one though we owe about 6 so they all come at once

Dubious I'm the same, they just weren't something anyone ever did when I was growing up. Even if they had been though my parents would never have let me do them. In the spirit of not at all wanting to be like them I grit my teeth and have them. Tbf they're all nice kids and aren't really any trouble. But the whole thing makes me feel on edge.

[mumoseven]

No. Just no. My house is my sanctuary, my time is precious.

[Mintychoc1]

That's how I feel mumoseven !

[toriap2]

My DD and her friends seem to float between each others houses every weekend. I have grown to love sleepovers as I either have child free time or I chill while they entertain themselves. It is usually when we are all going out the next day to comicons or events so they like to get ready together I think. They are good kids though and never seem to be grumpy in the mornings.

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

I think YWBU. His excitement at staying over would be much greater than your irritation at him being a bit grumpy after. If it had been a sleepover at yours then fair enough, but you had the night off and made him miss out for no good reason.

I might be a bit biased because my mother would randomly say no to sleep overs for no reason at all and it made me furious too. These are memories he may well treasure when he's older.

[Mintychoc1]

Hmm, I'm not sure his excitement is greater than my irritation to be honest. Trust me, he's a monster when he's tired. It's hard enough to get him to do his homework anyway, and a million times worse when he's tired.