Does anyone else always imagine the worst and get themselves worked up about it?

[Drupie]

I feel like my mind is always in a bit of a negative spiral. I really don't want to come across as self indulgent as I know there are people going through horrible things at the moment and I am aware of how I sound. It's just I always feel so down because I think bad things are going to happen and always think the worst and can't snap out of it. An example is I got married recently to an amazing man. In the build up I wouldn't allow myself to get excited as I though he may leave me or call it off (no reason).

Now we are married we are TTC. Ten years ago an ex gave me chlamydia. I had severe symptoms and was treated I imagine within about 8 weeks. Until now I hadn't worried about it but now I am convinced we will never be able to have a family and my DH will leave me over it. I will try and think positive then read a story about someone in a bad situation and get worried again thinking it will happen to me. I'm always googling about infertility after an STD etc. We have only been trying for two months and I'm a nervous wreck.

I keep much of this to myself and don't tell people even DH about these fears. I need to live my life and be happy in the here and now and not be so scared of the future- has anyone been in the same boat? Can anyone help? Thank you.

[blue2014]

Yep I'm a bit like this, don't allow myself to really enjoy good things as I'm scared it'll go wrong. You need a good therapist (or you can try some CBT self help)

[IloveBanff]

Yes, I'm a terrible pessimist and despite my worst fears not coming true my pessimist has not diminished at all. Illogical.

[TheMysteriousJackelope]

I think you should talk to your GP about your concerns.

I was told to start worrying about infertility after 12 months of trying without success. One of the first things the infertility specialist did was a scan with contrast dye of my innards (not in the UK here). That would have shown up problems such as blocked fallopian tubes due to an STD or other reason. In some cases that procedure helps clear the tubes.

I think you'll find your anxiety easier to handle if you have a plan in place to deal with whatever medical reasons might show up.

[IloveBanff]

"Pessimism" that should have said above, not "pessimist".

[ParmaViolets17]

Yes. All the time. It sucks.

Had a chat with my therapist last night about this very thing. (For me at least) anxiety is due to me not expressing anger in the right place. So in your example, instead of writing a letter to your ex (not to send!) or just telling someone what a shit he was to do this to you (assuming he knew about the chlamydia), I would:

1. Go into a spiral of negative thinking about how I somehow deserved to have chlamydia, and therefore deserved to have my husband leave me
   

1. Worry about those things THAT I COMPLETELY MADE UP happening to me in reality
   

1. Make myself ill with anxiety.
   

It's like a blocked drain - I don't let my anger out, so it builds and builds and then I turn it in on myself


Apologies if this isn't relevant to you, but I think it might help me so thought it was worth posting...

[INeedANameChange]

Sounds like clinical anxiety to me. Medication can help. And counselling helps you alter your thought processes.

[Macauley]

I feel like this all the time. Finally had enough and made an appointment to deal with it.

[Lupinhere37]

This happens to me too. I try to hide it but sometimes I just can't. My DH and DF get exasperated by it but I'm worried that my DD is developing it now too. And of course I blame myself.
The health anxiety used to be the worst. But then weirdly it just stopped about a year ago and I have gone the opposite way and feel quite ambivalent about my health now.
I have currently got a near obsessive fear of my DD being caught in a terror attack.
I worry way too much in work too. I have a couple of really sympathetic colleagues but my new boss is really impatient with me, which just fuels the problem.
My GP thinks it's clinical anxiety.

[Drupie]

Thank you all so much for replying. I think you're right that it is clinical anxiety. Is there a way of resolving it myself or is counselling the best route to take? At the moment I eel like I can't enjoy myself at all as at the back of my mind I am always thinking I'm infertile. I know rationally I may or not be but I need to stop the thoughts of impending doom.