Angry with dh

[headinthefuckingsand]

We have a lot of debt and haven't been managing to pay it all.
I've sorted out what I can with things in my name but dh will NOT address the ones in his
The phone rings. He ignores it
Letters. Ignores
I ask him to phone. Makes excuses

I've tried to do it for him but nobody will talk to me without his permission. Got the email address so he could give written permission and I could speak to them. Has he done it ? You've guessed it.

AIBU to be so angry? I'm really tired and pissed off with this he's burying his head in the sand it's ridiculous
How can I persuade him that he needs to talk to the companies we owe money to so that we can't sort this out

[Whatsername17]

Yanbu. You will end up with debt collectors coming to your door. It sounds so stressful for you. Can you ring the companies whilst he is there and hand over the phone insisting he confirms to them that you can talk on his behalf?

[MatildaTheCat]

No, YANBU. God knows how you sort it out,though. Can you sit over him like a child and insist? I'd be seriously pissed off and disenchanted with a Manchild who is putting you both/ all( if you have DC) at risk of ruin.

If he absolutely won't cooperate I would seek legal advice on separating yourself from his mess and try to save your own situation.

He's a fool.

[Patriciathestripper1]

Be really careful if he gives you the power to negotiate with his debt companies but then dosnt pay because they will come after you because you made the repayment agreements Not him even though it was his debt.

You would be better to collect all his debt letters together and take him to citizens advice debt clinic.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

Ask him if he likes prison food. .
And tell him you won't be visiting. .

[headinthefuckingsand]

He maintains it makes no difference to talk to them that they'll still demand the same repayment
Last week i paid £50 on one debt and said to him I'll pay another £20 this week so when he talks to them they can see an effort has been made but he said they'll just demand the whole lot there's no point negotiating
I asked when the direct debit is due for the credit card payment that was missed last month. Doesn't know, will find out 'at some point' theres literally no urgency for him and I'm trying to sort this out

[Calvinlookingforhobbs]

What's his approach to life in general? How did this debt accrue?

[Lollipopslife17]

Sounds a bit like my partner- too fucking laid back and NEVER EVER in a hurry to do anything at all. I have nagged so much that I now seen a change. I am not telling you to nag because I almost lost my mind.
Do they send people to prison for debts in the U.K.? (Justmadeperfectflapjacks)

[headinthefuckingsand]

Just showed him this ....the few responses and he's gone upstairs with the letters to call. Obviously he listens to MN and not me !

[Calvinlookingforhobbs]

High 5!

[headinthefuckingsand]

I'll remember this for future reference. Never seen him move so quick. I said "look, I'm right you need to speak to them and these people agree with me "

[StatisticallyChallenged]

It absolutely is worth negotiating - I used to do debt collecting work for a large bank.

If you are at the stage of not being able to pay everyone (which it sounds like you are) then you could get a debt management agency involved - but a charity, not one who charges commission. However, it's fairly easy to do this yourself and we'd often walk customers through it.

What I would suggest is sitting down and coming up with an income and expenditure. Make it comprehensive, but reasonable. Remember to include annual costs (things like car servicing/mot for example) in the budget as a monthly cost. Then, wok out what you have left to service your debts. If it's less than you need to pay then write to every creditor proposing a reduced payment plan, including a copy of your I&E and a list of all the creditor payments you will be making (you can leave off company names if you don't want to share this info). Best bet is normally to split the available funds for repayments pro rata according to the size of the debt, although if there is anything particularly high interest you might be able to justify higher payments to that in the short term if it will free up more cash for repayments to the others fairly quickly.

Companies do negotiate, honestly.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

It sounds as though his way of dealing with the issue is to bury his head in the sand - I can relate to this because I also ended up in debt after an abusive relationship and panicked. I couldn't open letters, answer the phone or deal with the situation and just ignored it because looking at the letters or checking my bank statements made it real. It is a fairly well known phenomenon I have discovered since. I finally sorted it out when I was turned down for a job because of my financial history and went to court to agree an administration order where I repaid 20% of all my debts over a 3 year period and the rest was written off.

I have had cognitive behavioural therapy since and while I still feel anxious about checking my bank balance, even when I know I have sufficient funds, I have been debt free for 12 years and my credit history is no longer the worst it can be. I mean it's not great but it's getting better slowly.