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To ask how many 'fathers' actually go through with court threats?

(26 Posts)
user1487854472 Sun 28-May-17 19:34:51

ExH threatening court, an abusive bully of a man. 1 year old daughter and I have always allowed contact (supervised) even pushed him to see his daughter. Do many of these 'fathers' actually follow through with these threats? I don't actually think I could cope with the court process.

Krispiesquare Sun 28-May-17 19:40:54

Watching with interest. I'm assuming they once it comes to putting their hand in their pocket then some will probably bulk. It would depend though.

ShapelyBingoWing Sun 28-May-17 19:44:55

My ex didn't. And he can definitely afford it. I reckon it's a combination of him not wanting me to go into detail about his abusive behaviour in court and that he doesn't fancy spending the money (he can afford it).

ShapelyBingoWing Sun 28-May-17 19:45:40

Im so certain he can afford it, I felt the need to tell you twice wink

DawnOfTheMombie Sun 28-May-17 19:47:17

Mine didn't. Keeps telling all and sundry he is but 15 months later and nada. He won't cough up £20 a week child support he ain't got gonna pay court fees. He also knows that he'll be looked into very closely by CAFCASS and therefore he won't have a leg to stand on and would be lucky to get supervised access.

Willyoujustbequiet Sun 28-May-17 19:51:10

Mine has because he is that arrogant and entitled.

I've been pleasantly surprised though. I've won easily at 3 hearings so far. I think the main thing is is that I have always acted in our dc best interests whereas he has constantly put his needs first. The judges aren't daft, they have seen straight through him.

Willyoujustbequiet Sun 28-May-17 19:54:27

I should add that if there is abuse you will be entitled to legal aid. I am and my ex isn't.

twentytwotwentysix Sun 28-May-17 19:56:45

Mine has threatened court re children from day one of split (after he was released on bail and was being investigated by SS). He went on and on, threat after threat for months on end. Then ss investigation ended, supervised contact was offered, and since then the threats have disappeared and he has not so far, 3 months down the line, taken up the offer of contact.

Time will tell.

LittleWingSoul Sun 28-May-17 19:57:28

My DDs 'father' hasn't in the last 5 years of non-existent contact and no CM payments. Like other PP, I assume that even if he was bothered enough to take me to court for contact he knows full well this would be taken into account, as well as DV and abusive behaviour documented by police and health visitors.

Frankly, for all his posturing, he just doesn't care enough.

LittleWingSoul Sun 28-May-17 19:58:46

Missing a few commas in there!

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump Sun 28-May-17 19:59:00

Not all 'fathers' are the same though OP, some genuinely need the courts to help them.

corlan Sun 28-May-17 20:06:40

I've been threatened with court every year for the last 10 years. Never happens though.
Does your XH want to spend the money to go to court and does he want more access than he currently gets? If the answer to these questions is 'no' ,then he's just bullshitting and trying to bully you.

user1487854472 Sun 28-May-17 20:10:04

major Oh I completely understand that. I really feel for those fathers who genuinely care for their children. Unfortunately, my daughter's father does not seem to care for her, she is purely another way to try to control me and to bully me. I feel he is a real danger to my daughter and to myself. So the thought of him taking me to court and trying to manipulate the judge, terrifies me. Thankfully i would be able to get legal aid.

user1487854472 Sun 28-May-17 20:12:24

Corlan I've stupidly allowed him whatever access he would like, most of which he never turns up to. He pays the absolute minimum in maintenance and is in a fair bit of debt. I think money for alcohol and cigarettes would come first. But I'm not sure if the control would ultimately be more important to him.

DawnOfTheMombie Sun 28-May-17 21:05:16

I thought the control and continued abuse of me would mean that my ex would take me to court but he hasn't.

He does however have a new sob story to tell people as he absolutely loves playing the victim.

corlan Sun 28-May-17 22:25:29

It might be worth telling him that standard access would be every other weekend and half the holidays. If he's like my ex, this will put him off as they really just want to be in control but they don't want to put in any work or spend any money on their kids.
Try not to let him get to you - I know it's easier said than done sad.

kaytee87 Sun 28-May-17 23:25:02

User don't worry about him manipulating the judge, they're not in that position by luck and I'll bet they're a damn sight smarter than your ex.
I'd say for a lot of men sadly it's just posturing and they won't follow through.

Sexstarvedredhead Sun 28-May-17 23:37:36

My ex did not. Fucked about with paperwork and looked a proper whingy child come the divorce hearing as he was under some delusion he'd get a chance to tell the judge that everything was my fault. I swear he had images of me in stocks for my unobedient ways.

WidoWanky Mon 29-May-17 00:46:22

Mine did. 17 times. But he only paid once to set the case up, under 100 quid I think, then he could keep going and going and going...

Each time he claimed he was trying to protect the kids (that he never bothered to turn up to see) but all he did was slag me off, ie, I wasn't feeding them / dressing them / looking after them properly. How he had the nerve when he wasnt even paying maintenence i have no idea. But he got his ass whipped every time.

If it happens, it's worth taking a solicited first time to learn the ropes. Then it's like meeting old friends again! I regularly saw 2 circuit judges. They were lovely and very respectful.

user1487854472 Mon 29-May-17 07:15:43

Wido 17 times?! shock You poor thing! How stressful for you.

If it did go to court, then I'd want indefinite supervised contact, but I know that wouldn't happen. How can you feel ok about handing your child over to someone who has huge potential to put them at risk 😢 And knowing you have no choice over this.

user1000000000000000001 Mon 29-May-17 07:34:47

im in a very similar position to you with a 2 year old and 7 month old.. would agree to indefinite supervised contact only but thay will never happen so im going for indirect updates only!

hoping my ex doesnt bother. even though he could self represent I think the fact je got a conviction for dv in the past 6 months i think he would need legal help to get what he wants.

Seenoevil Mon 29-May-17 08:44:48

My partner took his ex to court, she just kept saying no to access or was trying to make it supervised by her all the time and he obv wanted his child without his ex watching them. They went to court 3-4 times and he was awarded unsupervised access every other weekend with overnights but he doesn't do drugs, he's not abusive and he pays child support. She just didn't want to let him have his child as she was still clinging on to hope that he would get back with her and she thought the more he seen her and his child together that he would go back. He didn't.

Hulder Mon 29-May-17 09:44:09

Given your ex doesn't even turn up to his current contact it's unlikely he is going to get far is it?

If he really really really wanted the contact he would be religiously turning up, massively interested in their lives etc. But as you have rightly spotted, he isn't, he's just interested in bullying you and has noticed that threatening court is a good way to go about it.

Chances are, he won't. Even if he does, you'll have a solicitor. And he'll still be a twat who hasn't turned up to his existing contact.

Not exactly going to go well for him, is it?

Coolmamma45 Mon 29-May-17 10:45:40

It's certainly a possibility that you shouldn't rule out. I think it's important that you can prove that you have encouraged contact as Courts like that. Perhaps keep a diary and make sure arrangements are in writing so he can't say you were obstructing contact. Unfortunately abusive men use the Court process to further victimise.

Violetcharlotte Mon 29-May-17 10:54:44

My abusive ex was full of how he'd take me to court and we custody of the kids. DA support worker got me a fantastic solicitor who arranged court hearings to agree access arrangements. Ex didn't even bother to show up.

It's all about control. They've got no interest in the kids, they try to scare you by threatening to take away the things that are most precious to you.

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