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To think it might be time for DH to move on???

(4 Posts)
MissCommunication Thu 25-May-17 19:23:35

DH hasn't spoken to his father for two years. There's a whole lot if back story but long story short is that FIL interfered in a parenting matter when specifically asked not to get involved (DSD who is now 16 was kicking off and it went bonkers). Years of hurt and pain came out (DH was very restrained though) when DH basically said fil had no right to interfere when he wasn't exactly a model parent himself (serial affairs, beat up on kids and ex-wife which he left for another women when DH was 13). Anyway DH has said he's had years of shit and has repeatedly forgiven each time and he's had enough. I totally understand and respect it...although FIL has actually been really lovely in latter years, lots of support when DH was getting divorced etc and has always been great with new and our DS (5). We've had a DD (9 months old) and FIL and wife haven't met her. DS asks about grandad and just yesterday a card came from FIL simply saying whatever the issues between them, he's still his son and he loves him.

No doubt whatsoever that FIL has been a total shit in the past and is yet to apologise to DH although he has made overtures at reconciliation. It's not my place to get involved but my own father died when I was 21 and my kiddos don't have a grandfather. DH says he doesn't see why someone like that should have influence over the children, although he can't stop DSD as she's old enough to make contact herself and does regularly.

Do I keep out of it, as I have done this far? We did the even invite FIL to baby's christening, but did invite his brothers and sisters (aunts and uncles I meant), which I was very uncomfortable doing, but DH thought it ok so I did.

Is fil just a shit who should accept he went see his son again? What happens when FIL dies (he's only 70 but you know....oh and although invited to big 70th do, DH wouldn't go so we are stayed away).

I think I know the answer here but it's such a shame as just quite like the guy.

Loopytiles Thu 25-May-17 19:24:34

You need to respect your H's wishes.

lelapaletute Thu 25-May-17 19:26:48

Not your dad. End of. Respect your husband's wishes.

pipsqueak25 Thu 25-May-17 19:27:43

it's difficult but it has to be dh's choice, you need to support him, he may come to resent 'interference' on your part no matter how well meaning.
some hurts can not be undone no matter how long ago they happened.

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