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AIBU?

To think 'sexless' should mean 'sexless'?!

48 replies

JayneAusten · 23/05/2017 21:13

I'm so tired of reading that a sexless marriage is defined as 10 times a year or less. How is that sexless? Surely sexless is a marriage where you don't have sex?

Yes I'm being sensitive about this because I don't feel like having it more often but don't consider my marriage sexless.

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19lottie82 · 23/05/2017 21:16

I've certainly never heard that figure in regards to a sexless relationship before.

JamieXeed74 · 23/05/2017 21:16

Your confusing a marriage that has 'less' than the average amount of sex to a marriage that is platonic.

weeblueberry · 23/05/2017 21:17

Yeah I was surprised to hear this recently....

WannaBe · 23/05/2017 21:18

I'd say less than ten times a year is pretty much sexless.
Yanbu to not want sex more than ten times a year, but yabu to think that it's the norm because it really isn't.

PS: I drink less than ten alcoholic drinks in a year and consider myself more or less teetotal.

Toffeelatteplease · 23/05/2017 21:18

Threads about a thread are really unpalatable

I thought it was against talk rules

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/05/2017 21:18

If someone said they had a sexless marriage I must admit I'd assume no sex. Maybe people need to put 'virtually' before it.

TizzyDongue · 23/05/2017 21:20

-less as a suffix means 'without'.

So a sexless marriage would mean a marriage without sex. Not one with less sex.

JayneAusten · 23/05/2017 21:21

It's not a thread about a thread. It's a thread about a topic I was reminded of by a point someone made on another thread! The thread is about me actually.

I'm not convinced that it's not the norm. Pretty much everyone I know that's been married for the same length of time as us has sex about once a month.

Sexless should mean the absence of sex. That's just what it means! You can't redefine what a word means so this 'ten a year or less' thing really bugs me.

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JayneAusten · 23/05/2017 21:21

Yes, Tizzy! Exactly that!

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FunnysInLaJardin · 23/05/2017 21:21

lol OP. I read that thread and thought the same. We don't have sex that often but I wouldn't describe our marriage as sexless! We have sex as often as time and the DC permit, which is not much tbh!

FixItUpChappie · 23/05/2017 21:23

I agree that from everything I've read once a month is pretty common. Would welcome someone with more in depth stats to correct or confirm.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/05/2017 21:24

Wow, I've never heard that before.
I have less sex than that, as do the majority of my friends who I can talk to about it.
I don't consider my marriage sexless, I consider us really busy doing other stuff.

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/05/2017 21:24

Jayne out of interest how long have you been married/together? We have been together 30 years and married for 20. At the start it was constant as you might imagine.

Maybe I need to work out the average

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/05/2017 21:24

I don't think that small amount of sex is normal. It's not a lot. There must be surveys done on it, but I reckon it's substantially higher on average.

HeadDreamer · 23/05/2017 21:24

I read that thread too. We have sex about that and I don't think it's sexless. To me that means no sex. I certainly don't want more.

HildaOg · 23/05/2017 21:26

I'm single and dating so until I find the right man I have a special buddy to make sure I get a lot more than that every month. I would consider ten times a year sexless. In a relationship I think it would be soul destroying and I'd have to look elsewhere.

Everybody has a different idea of what they want from sex and how often. We all need someone who is compatible with our individual needs. Whether that's a couple of times a day or never.

JayneAusten · 23/05/2017 21:28

I'm sorry if it seems like a thread about a thread - that wasn't actually the first time I've heard that stat. The first time was actually quoted by my husband (who would like a bit more) hence it smarting a bit! I've also read it since then as I googled it, as I was sure that 'sexless' had to mean WITHOUT SEX. I also don't think 10 drinks a year is teetotal by the way, but that's sort of irrelevant. Teetotal is teetotal. Sexless is sexless.

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arethereanyleftatall · 23/05/2017 21:29

I've actually read the thread now - I agree, most people who I speak to in a similar situation as me - married a while, around 40, young kids, have sex about once a month.

HeadDreamer · 23/05/2017 21:30

I know what you mean. It's like saying I don't smoke. Only about once a month.

JamieXeed74 · 23/05/2017 21:34

-less as a suffix means 'without'

Words have usages, and the common usage of 'less' as a suffix is to compare it to, 'without' whilst implying that it is not completely 'without'. Otherwise you would simply say a 'marriage without sex'.

For example 'restless', is not used to mean they literally never ever rest. Or 'tireless', is not used to mean they literally never ever tire. Just like 'sexless', is not used to mean they literally never ever have sex.

JayneAusten · 23/05/2017 21:34

We're 20 years together, me early 40s him 50. Youngish children. It's great when we do it but I only get madly horny around ovulation and just have lots of other things to do the rest of the time so it never becomes a priority. Husband would like more but has health problems that stop us from doing it more often too so understands that this is where we are for now.

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Mexxi · 23/05/2017 21:35

Or like saying you are a 'semi vegitarian'.

FWIW, I do live in a sexless marriage. Just me and OH, no kids. We have been married for 20 years and haven;t had sex for the last 18. It's a mssive taboo and I have only admitted it to one friend IRL, but I am very happy not having to shag.

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OlennasWimple · 23/05/2017 21:37

Should be a LessSex marriage, not a sexless marriage, if you are having sex just not very often

JayneAusten · 23/05/2017 21:40

For example 'restless', is not used to mean they literally never ever rest. Or 'tireless', is not used to mean they literally never ever tire. Just like 'sexless', is not used to mean they literally never ever have sex.

No but when you use -less it means without for the duration of the action. So when you say ' I was feeling restless so I went for a walk' it means that in that moment you were without rest. You might rest at other times. 'He said something really thoughtless' - the thing he said was without thought but he might think at other times. So the marriage here is the action and you can't say it is 'sexless' because they remain married every day, long term and do have sex. You could say they were having a sexless month. Same as you wouldn't describe a marriage as 'loveless' if they did actually love each other a bit.

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JayneAusten · 23/05/2017 21:42

Semi-vegitarian is the worst! I have a cousin who came to stay recently and announced she's a 'flexitarian'. Um, what? Basically it means they eat mostly vegetarian food with a bit of meat and fish. Just say you don't eat much meat/fish!

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