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To ask how to get sex drive back

(20 Posts)
WhitePhantom Thu 18-May-17 12:40:09

I have no interest AT ALL in sex, and DH is not putting any pressure on, but I know we can't continue like this. If it was left up to me we'd never do it again, but that's not fair / realistic. We do it every few months.

So is it a case of just 'getting on with it' and try to enjoy it rather than endure it, or what? I haven't gone to a doc about it - could I be low in something that could be easily sorted?

How has anyone else boosted their sex drive?

WhitePhantom Thu 18-May-17 17:07:40

Anyone? blush

Branleuse Thu 18-May-17 17:09:50

are you on any medication that might be affecting it?

Branleuse Thu 18-May-17 17:10:56

The only point in doing it regardless is if you enjoy it once you get going.

silkpyjamasallday Thu 18-May-17 17:15:07

Do you enjoy it when you are having sex or just enduring it? I used to have a high libido but after dd I'd usually rather just come on MN, but if I go along with DPs advances I always really enjoy myself, I just don't have the motivation to seek out sex anymore.

WankingMonkey Thu 18-May-17 17:26:37

Placemarking as this is a huge problem for me at the moment too. Since having the kids I have had no desire at all. I am on a lot of pain medication and spend a considerable amount of each day in agony, but I should still have some desire to shag DH surely...in rare painfree + children asleep moments...

DJBaggySmalls Thu 18-May-17 17:27:27

See your GP and get any health problems ruled out first.

Bananamama1213 Thu 18-May-17 21:38:27

Personally haven't really had much trouble in this department.

I came off the pill a few months ago and I noticed my sex drive returned with a vengeance. My poor husband was getting rather annoyed because I wanted it daily, sometimes twice. He really liked it to start with but I think it was exhausting him!

But I think the pill suppressed my libido.

Do you have any toys? Spice things up a bit?

Nettletheelf Thu 18-May-17 22:51:13

Watch a few episodes of Poldark or Sharpe?

blueshoes Thu 18-May-17 23:46:24

You aren't breastfeeding, are you? Bf-ing killed my sex drive. I think sex drive is linked to hormones and decreases with age.

WhitePhantom Thu 18-May-17 23:49:28

Thanks all for the replies. I'm not on any medication, not in any pain, I'm fit and active, happy and content with life in general, youngest dc is nearly 11 - I just have no desire whatsoever for sex.

Sometimes I enjoy it when we get going, sometimes I get nothing out of it, sometimes it's over too fast (just as I'm getting going) and I find that really frustrating.

If i was to go to the doc what would i even say? I'm perfectly healthy and really don't think there's any physical reason - unless like I say there's something that maybe I'm low in. Could that be a possibility?

We don't have any toys, should probably try something like that... I would have no idea where to even start (any recommendations??!)

WhitePhantom Fri 19-May-17 00:09:57

No, blueshoes - youngest is nearly 11. (I'm weird, but not that weird grin )

Bananamama1213 Fri 19-May-17 08:27:04

Ann summers! I went in store for a browse because I had no idea what I was looking for, a woman came over and asked if I was okay and I said "I'm on my honeymoon, first toy, what do you suggest" and she showed me the "moregasm" in a bowl of water and I was sold! I'm not a fan of the rabbits as I did but one of those too, I have just the shaft - only ever use it on THAT part if my body is being stubborn.
I find I enjoy sex more when I've had an orgasm before we start - so he'll do that first and then we get going.

We've been together nearly 9 years now, but we are the kind of people who can joke 'let's have sex' but then actually do it and enjoy it haha.

CamberGirl Fri 19-May-17 09:11:09

My sex drive upped and left the day I got the Mirena Coil. I went from a healthy regular sex life to once a month if I force myself. I can't wait to get it out of me. It's been horrendous.

fessmess Fri 19-May-17 09:22:56

I am menopausal and over the last 6-8 years my libido has been disappearing, now it's gone. I love my dh and still find him attractive, I just don't fancy ANYONE. I am completely asexual. Once I get going I do climax but it can be sore(dryness) and psychologically I feel "past-it." I also have a hot flush as I orgasm which is horrible. I went to Doc who said "nothing I can do, it may return but probably won't." I'm not even 50 and I have another 30 odd years (if lucky) of no sex drive. Our sex life is shit compared to what is used to be and I am crying here thinking about it.

RiversrunWoodville Fri 19-May-17 09:45:49

I'm in a very similar position to WankingMonkey a lot of pain and meds and I have a 2 year old and a 7 year old. I just can't bear the idea of sex and DH has been brilliant but I know he misses it (I really don't). The very rare child and low pain occasion I manage to talk myself into it I really hate it (try not to let DH know that) and it brings back memories of the time I lost our twins and almost died myself (strange because dd2 was born since). I wish with all my heart I could just "lie back and think of England" because maybe it would come again but with my conditions that genuinely doesn't always work so I'm a bit lost

WineIsMyMainVice Fri 19-May-17 11:13:17

Lovehoney website can be a good place to look for toys and stuff. Very discreet packaging!

blueshoes Sat 20-May-17 14:05:53

Fess, I hear you. I am a similar age. I think menopause, declining libido, loss of looks and the feeling of being 'past it' is something I have to come to terms with. It is complex, like entering a different world.

fessmess Mon 22-May-17 09:13:21

blueshoes nobody talks about it do they? Loads of info about starting your periods in your teens but sod-all on what happens the other end. Loss of body hair, memory loss, mood swings and this could go on for up to 12 years!! I've been having palpitations the last week or two, including when I orgasm. It's like I don't feel like it but when I get going my body says HANG ON you're menopausal remember!!

SleepOhHowIMissYou Mon 22-May-17 09:47:02

The pill chemically castrated me, I do far better on the Mirena Coil (mine's a god-send, no periods, I know lots of people don't get on with them though).

That you want to address your lack of libido is the most major step dealt with, and you sound like you're doing it for yourself and not just for your husband, which is how it should be.

I'd concentrate on what turns you on. I love well written erotic literature (some people like 50 Shades and the ilk, but each to their own). Some watch porn (I have a friend who uses male gay porn to get her in the mood) and some find eroticism in period dramas (all the suppressed urges I suspect). Overdose on whatever you find stimulating and see how you get on.

Good luck!

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