Hi there, this is my first post, I have been reading here for a while and there are such a lot of well rounded and thoughtful opinions and ideas here, I'm hoping that you can throw a few in my direction!
I have two grown up sons both with decent jobs, girlfriends and nice 'in-laws'. I am separated from their dad and live about a forty minute drive away...from everyone really..not just them but the whole family, both mine and my exes. Financially, there is no way I can move any nearer for the foreseeable future. So my dilemma is this. I feel like I'm struggling to keep the bond as I would like it to be. I mean, I'm obviously not expecting things to be as they were when the kids were younger, but it's got to the point that I recently found out that one of my sons was on holiday via a Facebook picture (him, his girlfriend, girlfriends parents and the dogs, how nice, grrrr!). I mean, I do know they love me really. They do remember Mother's Day and my birthday etc. And I am happy of course that they are happy. I would just sometimes like a little more! Both of the girlfriends are extremely close to their parents and the boys have gone in that direction too. I would really appreciate any advice / shared experience so I can deal with my feelings with a bit of balls rather than staying in the slightly lost / needy place I'm in at the moment. Thanks!
AIBU?
I'm trying not to be unreasonable!
menopausehag · 15/05/2017 21:21
Ah, OP 
I know it's a cliche, but I think it is harder for mothers of boys once they are married. My DH, who is generally lovely, needs reminding and prompting about his mum. If I didn't suggest we have her to Sunday lunch, he'd never think of it. Similarly, she never invites us ...
We've been in holiday with my parents - but they were the instigators and invited us. We've also taken my MIL away, but that invite came as our idea.
So, I guess, rather than feeling hurt, can you plan to make some memories with them, suggest a few things? The squeaky wheel gets the grease, as they say.
I think it's a bit harder when you're on your own if your DILs parents are still together, so I do appreciate it is more difficult but I bet it's just thoughtlessness but malice on the part of your sons.
I'd be happy! My MIL never will, but that's beside the point 
If she ever does once in a blue moon express a desire to see/do something, I try to make it happen. Usually it's nice, even if it's not my exact cup of tea.
You don't have to be insisting they see you every weekend, or getting the hump if plans are knocked back because they're busy, but just a "I really fancied this film/play/day out/trying this pub" could go a long way. If their GFs are nice people, there's no reason to assume your invites will be knocked back. Give it a go.
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