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AIBU?

Men - Aaarrgghh

24 replies

jsmith17 · 15/05/2017 20:03

My husband and I both work full time in very demanding jobs we have 3 boys of primary age. I spent all of Sunday ironing, sorting clothes etc. We do split chores around the house (if I specifically ask him to do something) and my DH is a great husband (in many ways) and a fantastic father. We are both busy generally leave home just after 7 and don't get home from work until at least 6 when we need to run kids to clubs 4 evening of the week and Saturday and Sunday are taken over with football, cricket etc for the kids.
This morning my DH said to me when leaving for work next time you iron my trousers can you not hang them on the thin coat hangers as I now have a crease!!! My first AIBU is would it be unreasonable to ram said trousers up his rectum and refuse to ever iron his trousers again. When I said to him, maybe next time you iron them he replied 'this isn't about who does the ironing, I am just trying to make things easier for you next time!'
My second rant is that although he is willing to do jobs around the house (except actually cleaning anything I.e bathroom) why do I need to give him instructions. I know this is a man thing as lots of friends moan about the same thing. An example would be the other morning whilst he got himself ready for work and I got myself and 3 boys ready! I asked have you got their breakfast? Response, 'well no you haven't asked me to' Infuriates me!! The same can be said with homework, organising who needs swimming, beavers, PE kit etc!! Why do men never think to sort any of this stuff out! If I was at home fair enough but we are both in the same boat when it comes to work. AIBU to get slightly annoyed about this? I am beginning to think that men are not genetically programmed to organise things (Honestly I'm not really sexist) and generally require written instructions!!! Sorry for the long rant (and really we are very happily married been together for 16 years and love each other dearly, he will always do anything to help IF I ask!) just don't understand why I have to ask! Please someone prove my theory that men are just incapable of any foresight or organisation!!!

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SamanthaBrique · 15/05/2017 20:07

I am beginning to think that men are not genetically programmed to organise things

Bollocks to that, I bet he's organised enough at work. There is no inbuilt gene that makes women better at tasks around house - that's the sort of guff that was used to keep women down for years. Men (or indeed anyone) will soon realise they're onto a good thing if some mug does all the household organising that they are capable of doing but don't want to. Why women enable guys like this in the first place is besides me.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 20:08

You mean your DH, not 'men', surely?

Reow · 15/05/2017 20:09

I'd stop ironing his clothes entirely.

If he's got a problem with the way you do things he can do the fuckers himself.

Piratesandpants · 15/05/2017 20:11

Please don't assume my DH is the same as your arse of a husband.

bunnylove99 · 15/05/2017 20:15

I am just trying to make things easier for you next time!' my goodness OP. I work FT and my DH doesnt do much around the house, but even he wouldn't dare come out with a statement like that!

Trinpy · 15/05/2017 20:19

He needs to iron his own trousers now. In fact he can iron all his clothes since you clearly don't meet his standards .

You could try sitting down with him writing a list of all the housework that needs to be done and then randomly assigning an equal number of jobs to you both. Or what Dh and I do is take it in turns with stuff like cleaning the bathroom. Although that only works for us because neither of us take the piss, which I think your Dh probably would.

And ffs it is not the OP's fault that her husband is lazy. It his his fault.

Creatureofthenight · 15/05/2017 20:19

Have you had a conversation with him about this? You're doing (at least) 50% of the physical work but 100% of the mental work involved in running a household and looking after a family - that's not a fair division of labour.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 15/05/2017 20:24

I worked with a lovely old Indian chap once. He was at great pains to tell me he was all for equality. He made his wife tea in bed, and hoovered .

Do you ask your wife obvious questions, I once asked (like waving a packet in the air when the cooking instructions are clearly on it). Oh yes, he said with a smile, we do it so you know you are needed.

I'm still pondering that one.

jsmith17 · 15/05/2017 20:31

We have talks about all the tasks and what needs to be done. He always does certain things and does do his share I.e bins, dishwasher, cooks more than me and is probably tidier than me (just not cleaning!) but just seems incapable of thinking 'Let's look in a school bag and see what homework there is or if there are school letters to look at'
The ironing comment I was a bit shocked at. We have laughed about it since and h admits he was a bit of an arse and it came out wrong! On weeks when I am too busy to do the ironing (or just can't b arsed!) he happily irons his own shirts before work in the morning. Maybe that is the way forward!!

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Seniorcitizen1 · 15/05/2017 20:31

You should never ever put trousers on thin clothes hangers - they do leave creases. Apart from that he seems a lazy git

jsmith17 · 15/05/2017 20:34

Really not lazy, works his arse off and does his share as I have said. Just a lack of thought about the things that are not right under his nose! Not thought about what needs to be organised. I am probably partially to blame as I have always done it (just scared if I don't it won't happen! Which he been known)

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toffeeboffin · 15/05/2017 20:40

I'm so sick of hearing this about blokes. Starting to think the are all the same.

DH is exactly the same. Forgets to give DS breakfast. HOW? How do you forget to give a child brekkie?

Why do they need reminding all the fucking time?!

Because they see it as your job, no matter what they say.

Fairenuff · 15/05/2017 20:42

No it's not 'men'. DH has no trouble thinking for himself and sorting out things that need to be done.

jsmith17 · 15/05/2017 20:46

Maybe not all men then but seems a common theme amongst a lot of them!

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Fairenuff · 15/05/2017 20:48

It seems a common theme because you only hear complaints from women who live with these kind of men. The rest of us don't start threads full of appreciation for our capable partners. Perhaps we should.

MrsDustyBusty · 15/05/2017 20:52

We have laughed about it since and h admits he was a bit of an arse and it came out wrong

What would he have said to accurately get his meaning across?

ChampagneTastes · 15/05/2017 20:56

Well it's clearly not all blokes as my DH is perfectly capable around the house and with our DS. As are my friend's DHs actually. I think the problem is your DH, not men.

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 15/05/2017 21:00

Wow. Imagine if this thread was titled 'women!'

jsmith17 · 15/05/2017 21:16

ChampagneTastes you are quite possibly right! However does seem to be quite a common complaint amongst lots of my different friendship groups! Without generalising too much I assumed men and women had different strengths! However infuriating this is I do appreciate some of those differences, and who knows maybe if there was a dad's net my husband would be writing a post entitled 'women - aarrggghh! It seems him and his mates have similar complaints when they all get together and moan about the missus!!

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Fairenuff · 15/05/2017 21:22

I am probably partially to blame as I have always done it (just scared if I don't it won't happen! Which he been known)

I think this might be how the dynamics of your relationship have evolved. He doesn't bother because he knows you'll sort it.

You need to trust him to do it and if he doesn't he will learn from his mistakes. Probably should have started from when the children were babies though.

FinallyHere · 15/05/2017 21:24

To me, it seems perfectly obvious that this behaviour has less to do with genetic programming and a lot more to do with it being 'worth a try'. Someone tries it, it works, the work gets done without any input required so, it's all good. Unless you have some decency, why wouldn't you just let it all happen?

jsmith17 · 15/05/2017 21:27

When the children were babies he did his share. Fed them, nappies, bath time, bedtime etc etc. He now just seems incapable of taking the initiative to think about homework, organisation etc. As. Have said if I get up in the morning and say can you pull together 3 football kits he would just get on and do it. If I asked him to make packed lunches he would. Never a moan just get on with it! But why do I always have to ask?? I guess in the grand scheme of things not a big deal but at times when I am running late, tired, trying to get it all done - infuriates me!!

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Fairenuff · 15/05/2017 21:31

You don't have to do it all. But it does make sense to have one person 'in charge' of certain things so that you don't both think the other one has done it.

What's wrong with saying, one of you be responsible for lunch boxes, the other for homework and school letters, for example?

jsmith17 · 15/05/2017 21:33

Thanks Fairenuff maybe I will try that.

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