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AIBU?

Bullying in football team

15 replies

par05 · 15/05/2017 11:57

Hi, my son plays junior football, he's not a bad player, gives it his all and tries to keep morale up etc. He is being picked on by 2 of the players who are the coaches sons! 2 coaches. He's done a brilliant job of ignoring them, the coach can see but won't tell their sons off! My sons isn't that that bothered as he knows he's done well and shrugs it off! But it can get demoralising. How do I help him? Season has come to an end now so won't be seeing these boys until next season. I'm frustrated with the coaches but haven't said anything as I'd prob be accused of over reacting !

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thethreemonkeys · 15/05/2017 12:53

Hi, I'm having the same thing with my son and his football team just now. We tried speaking to the coaches and they did have a word with the boy and it seemed to settle down but has flared up again. I was considering trying to get my son into another team. I know it's not always good to tell them to walk away but sometimes it's the better option if they're miserable. If your son is shrugging it off just now then maybe wait and see how it goes next season. It might be worth trying to speak to the coaches and see as they've maybe not noticed the extent of what their boys are doing? Does your son want you to say anything? Sorry, not much help as I haven't really resolved it either, but hope you can get it sorted.

par05 · 15/05/2017 14:05

Sorry to here that @thethreemokeys it's awful being parent watching, i think these 2 players tend to shout at everyone but then they single out a few this, this time my son! It's frustrating as my son has said the coaches know, but as it their sons they get away with it! I'm trying not to make an issue out of it and have been playing it down, for sake of my ds, but sometimes feel like going on pitch and telling them off!! I feel like you would it be better to put him in another team or face it head on !

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Hillarious · 15/05/2017 14:11

Nothing like the drive or walk home to analyse the match and learn to laugh at the over-reactions and the seriousness with which such boys take the game. Need to accept the behaviour of the coaches' sons won't change, so need to make your DS robust in the face of such comments.

I assume he gets on okay with the other boys in the team.

theknackster · 15/05/2017 14:33

This wouldn't be tolerated in DS1 or DS2's teams (all players sign a behaviour contract at the start of each season reminding them of the rules). If your club is correctly run it will have a welfare officer - approach them if the coaches are unwilling or unable to resolve the issue.

londonpia · 15/05/2017 15:34

As above. One of the boys in our team got a bit physical the other day and he's on a warning. The manager should definitely have a low tolerance attitude to this kind of stuff- you're supposed to be part of a team. Have a look to see if there is a welfare officer. Bullying needs to be stamped out- your son shouldn't have to put up with it.

thethreemonkeys · 15/05/2017 16:00

Sounds the same as my son's team par05. A few that like to shout at everyone but it's your poor boy getting it at the moment, I feel the same. I'm just hoping it settles down. My son seems to have lost confidence in his football which is a shame as he keeps being told he's rubbish etc. Having to sign a behaviour contract I'm sure helps a lot with bullying, I don't think we have that. It might be that the kids attitudes don't change, espec if the parents aren't bothered, buts it's hard putting up with it every week. You could maybe look into another team and see what options there are, although hopefully it will improve when he goes back and you won't need to do anything.

theknackster · 15/05/2017 16:11

Look for 'FA Charter Standard' clubs, particularly those that are at the 'community club' level - usually a sign of a club that puts fun/team spirit ahead of winning at all costs.

Depending on where you live, hopefully there are plenty of alternative clubs that your DC could settle in at and start enjoying playing again.

EweAreHere · 15/05/2017 16:19

My oldest child faced bullying on his football team some years back. He ended up quitting when the behaviour was allowed to continue. The coach's own child was on the team, and the coach was useless when it came to coaching or stamping on the crappy behaviour. My boy wasn't the only child run off by that group... I think 3 or 4 went specifically because of it in the end? I didn't feel any pity for the team when they didn't have enough players to field a team two seasons later either. Karma.

catlover99 · 15/05/2017 16:29

My DS had this with the team manager's DS. DS shrugged it off and tried to ignore it, but at the end of the season he found another team to move to, where he has been since, and is very happy. The original team had lot of players coming and going, and he was not the only one who was picked on. The manager's DS was the best player on the team and the coach never said anything about it. On his current team the coach has his own DS playing, but would never tolerate behaviour like that.

Personally I would vote with my feet and find a different team (unless your DS insists on staying).

theknackster · 15/05/2017 16:31

It's rare/unusual for the coach of a team not to have a child in the team as the kids get a little older, to be fair...most teams need a parent to do the job.

Most (in my experience) are even-handed and realise the importance of fostering good team spirit. Some are massively egotistical, shouty knobs less impressive, unfortunately, and as per EweAreHere you might as well bail on those teams before they inevitably implode.

par05 · 15/05/2017 22:31

Hi thanks for all the replies, I think my ds wouldn't mind moving team, most of the players are a good bunch of boys, but the 2 boys that bully aren't well liked either but still rule the team so to speak! Thing is my ds plays well in the way that he does not give up and tries so hard the entire match! Yet still gets called up for doing a bad pass etc! Coaches just turn a blind eye! Frustrates me because if that was my ds, he would not get away with it I would pull him up on his behaviour! Luckily my ds has a very cool temperament and just pretends he can't hear!

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par05 · 15/05/2017 22:32

Have never had to sign code of conduct or anything? Will look into that!

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par05 · 15/05/2017 22:40

Thing is out of the team these 2 boys, hang out with another boy from the team, and they are known for following some of the other boys from the team and telling them in no uncertain terms that they are rubbish at football! and hurling other abuse at them!! And this season they both have not played well at all (this is what other parents think too) just glad season at an end, and my ds does not go to school with these boys!

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KeepServingTheDrinks · 15/05/2017 22:50

Volunteer yourself - destroy them from within!

par05 · 15/05/2017 23:25

See I have thought of that 😉 but wouldn't know where to start lol

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