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To think that DH is being melodramatic and annoying?

(22 Posts)
ParticularlyPissedOff Mon 24-Apr-17 12:38:26

I have a weird week at work this week - knew it was coming up, didn't know the schedule until this morning and told DH as much. He's off today, tomorrow and Wednesday and hence childcare is his problem. DD is in nursery tomorrow, at home today and Weds.

DH has arranged a big day/night out tomorrow- involving staying out at a friend's house. When he told me I reminded him I didn't know what my work timings/ commitments would be this week but obviously said in principle I'm fine with it. But discovered this morning that I won't be home in time for nursery pickup tomorrow and have to leave early Wednesday morning. Just told DH on the phone and he has immediately jumped to 'well I just won't go then. Never mind it's the first social thing I've done in months, I'll cancel it... etc etc etc.'

When I pointed out that he has many and varied options, including going for the day, coming home to pick up DD then going off again when I get back, or asking FIL or my Mum to do pickup and watch DD for an hour until I get home (both able and very willing). Then I'm happy to either pick him up early on Weds morning (6am so not ideal for any of us, but I don't mind), or again he could ask the willing and able grandparents to do an hour's childcare until he can get home on the train, or just bloody come home late tomorrow instead of staying out.

But it's all a big drama and I'm supposed to sort it. Despite the fact that when he's late home from work or things change last minute I regularly rearrange my own work and social life to accommodate it. AIBU just to leave him to it?! I have no issue with him going out - he's certainly right that he doesn't very often - but I do think he's been aware from the outset that this week could be a problem childcare-wise, still chose to make social plans on his days off, and now needs to sort it out!

FataliePorkman Mon 24-Apr-17 12:41:31

YANBU. I can understand he's a bit disappointed but he is acting like an overgrown man child.

Talk to your Mum and arrange for her to do the childcare and then tell DH he can go out. You will just have to put up with him sulking all night otherwise

ohfourfoxache Mon 24-Apr-17 12:54:05

Don't sort anything out for him. Presumably he is a grown man who is capable of making decisions?

If he's not then tough shit - he'll have to go without going out. He's behaving like a child having a tantrum- and the best thing to do is completely ignore it.

Birdsgottaf1y Mon 24-Apr-17 13:08:48

""Talk to your Mum and arrange for her to do the childcare and then tell DH he can go out.""

Because childcare is something that the women sort out?

If anything talk to FIL to tell him to get his shit together and behave like an Adult.

"Put up with his sulking", leave him to it, but i would be pointing out how unsexy it is.

He's a Parent, this is what you have to do, to have a night out.

Huldra Mon 24-Apr-17 14:16:38

Leave him to it and ignore otherwise these things will allways be yours to sort out.

Yes Dear, you're an adult with a child. You have to do what I have to, find other childcare, alter your schedule or not go. Boo hoo.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Mon 24-Apr-17 14:23:04

Don't enable his tantrumming behaviour - make him sort it out himself!

WorkingBling Mon 24-Apr-17 14:27:58

Honestly, this drives me crazy. DH can be like this. His whole family are like this. It's a personality trait where the slightest issue turns into this whole big issue and drama that is totally unnecessary. Sometimes I get sucked in. But when I am being sensible, I send him a text message with the key options and what I am willing/ able to do and then leave it with him. He can sort it.

Good luck!

GeorgeTheHamster Mon 24-Apr-17 14:36:33

Ignore him and make him sort it out. You know, like women do ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Mon 24-Apr-17 14:39:26

Ask him does he think only vagina owners can organise a babysitter?
Suggest if he isn't capable of doing it is he really old enough to be out unsupervised?

xStefx Mon 24-Apr-17 14:44:44

I agree- I would say if he isn't responsible enough to arrange a simple task as babysitting then he clearly isn't responsible enough to be out drinking. Stop babying him OP! a panderer is an enabler!!!

RedSkyAtNight Mon 24-Apr-17 14:55:15

Hmm. If OP was the one that made a social commitment on the basis of her DH being home to sort the kids; and DH subsequently told her at very short notice that he had to work instead - this thread would be full of people telling her that it was his business to sort out alternative childcare as the one that had "changed" arrangements.

HmmOkay Mon 24-Apr-17 15:01:11

The OP didn't change the arrangements. She didn't know her work schedule (and told her DH that) and then informed him as soon as she knew what it was.

ParticularlyPissedOff Mon 24-Apr-17 16:23:16

I'm not calling my Mum! I ALWAYS sort this stuff and just once he needs to do it. It's not like it's even a tricky conversation - both my Mum and FIL love looking after DD and are constantly complaining we don't ask them to babysit often enough! Either of them would be round like a shot. I have discovered the early Wednesday start is semi-optional so I can pick him up at 7.30ish instead of 6 and drop him and DS home before going to work, which will be much pleasanter for all involved, so I will offer to do that. But as far as I'm concerned tomorrow is up to him to sort out- I told him I couldn't be sure I'd be home in time and he just said we'd cross that bridge if we came to it. So now he needs to get crossing. If he wants to be a martyr and lose the chance of a good day and evening out, not to mention his prepaid entrance fee, all for a lack of ability to pick up the phone and organise an hour of childcare then so be it. I am just bemused.

Am actually wondering if he doesn't want to go (he is knackered - has ended up doing two eighteen-hour shifts over the weekend) but can't admit it even to himself so is conveniently making me the baddie hmm. I massively cba with it though.

There needs to be an unsympathetic wife emoticon...

Euphemia Mon 24-Apr-17 16:42:46

He can sort out babysitting or be a martyr. Don't let it change what you do.

TrollMummy Mon 24-Apr-17 16:46:28

Ah yes OP don't you know it's women's work to sort out the kids and Dads can skip about and do as they please.

Crowdblundering Mon 24-Apr-17 16:49:47

My OH also does this, has tantrums, behaves like one of the Tolpuddle Martyrs - does my head in.

You have my sympathies OP.

petalsandstars Mon 24-Apr-17 17:01:05

Nope it's his job to arrange childcare alternatives if he wants to go out. Don't do it for him. He's a grown up and needs to stop whining about it.

DixieFlatline Mon 24-Apr-17 17:07:47

What a tool. Are you sure this isn't some ridiculous test? i.e. to see if stamping his feet over an easily solvable situation will force you to accept your role as the one responsible for all of this kind of stuff, always, no matter what?

ParticularlyPissedOff Mon 24-Apr-17 17:31:42

I don't think so- I hope not. He's not usually like that. But he is given to faffing and making mountains out of molehills.

GeorgeTheHamster Tue 25-Apr-17 13:33:33

Here the unsympathetic wife emoticon 🖕

Seeingadistance Tue 25-Apr-17 13:38:07

Leave him to it, and ignore his melodramatics.

LimitedSedition Tue 25-Apr-17 13:38:43

Ha! George

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