Sorry this is more of a WWYD. I posted a couple a weeks ago regarding my MIL who was coming to stay following my missed miscarriage but it all went wrong as when my husband arrived to pick her up she made excuses about why she had to come home the following day so my husband ended up telling her that it wasn't worth her coming as he couldn't get her back due to working the following day.
Fast forward 3 weeks and I had a bad miscarriage where I haemorrhaged at home so needed an ambulance and had an emergency D&C and blood transfusion. My husband couldn't come with me as he was looking after our other children and I was terrified and thought I was dying, I know it sounds silly now. I actually told the nurse that I thought I was dying thinking she would think I was being ridiculous but she said all the signs were there! The doctor said I had crashed but I'm not sure what that means, I know my blood pressure was very low and body temperature. I remember shaking and having a heated blanket on me when I woke up from my D&C. Does anyone know why this was as I haven't spoken to anyone about any of this and feel really anxious.
Sorry was going off topic, my MIL has not phoned during the last 3 weeks, I think because she knows my husband is upset with her behaviour, this isn't a one off time and time again she had let us down and cancelled on us at the last minute and the occasions she has made she has criticised such as my child's birthday and christening and leaving early at our wedding.
Personally I find it hard to forget her lack of thought as I phoned her nearly every night and thought we got on especially since I lost my mum a year ago. My husband is upset and not sure how to tackle this. I personally feel very upset and angry with her that because she never sees the grandchildren it meant my husband couldn't be with me at the hospital.
I'm just asking really how to proceed from here as I don't want to be in touch with her but my husband is having mixed feelings about it all because it's his mom.
AIBU?
MIL and miscarriage part 2
Freddofrog1983 · 16/04/2017 17:55
Sorry for your loss. If it's any consolation my mother in law hasn't been in contact either since my mmc 3 weeks ago and surgical management 2 weeks ago. I have no advice as to how to handle this as I'm in a similar boat 
My mil has also had similar moments of thoughtlessness like yours too
Sorry for your loss. It sou ds t9 me like you lost a life threatening amount of blood and came close to death, needing a blood transfusion to keep you alive. It's also very common to be shaken after a general anaesthetic.
Yanbu - you've been though a really traumatic experience
She sounds awful. I would stay NC if i were you just leave her to it. She has previous for this behaviour and it doesn't sound like she is going to change. I guess since you lost your mum you're looking for another mum figure to be there for you and your family etc but she doesnt seem to be it. I'd let your husband decide how he wants to proceed with her as its his mum, but make your own choice on how you want to proceed with her. For me it would be NC completely after all this. You can do better
"Crashed" means your heart stopped. Probably a reaction to extreme blood loss or to the anaesthetic (I've reacted badly to the latter). You poor thing, I bet you felt rotten afterwards (I know I did).
Your MIL might not know how close to death you were, or even know it happened - has your DH spoken to her about it? A MMC is normally v straightforward (although obvs distressing), she's probably unaware of the seriousness of what happened. Or maybe she just doesn't know how to close the distance she's created?
No advice on MIL but look after yourself. I thought I was dying when there were complications in labour and although that really was not the case at all, it was enough of a perceived threat to give me ptsd symptoms for months after. I've had a mmc previously so know how hard that is to cope with. Put yourself first whilst you recover
You've had a really tough time. 
Your mmc sounds very much like mine (I lost 3 litres during treatment for my mmc at 13 weeks. Retained placenta caused haemorrhage, went into hypervolemic(sp?) shock and has a room full working on me before being rushed for emergency d&c)
I also shook after waking up from the d&c. Teeth chattering. I think it's quite common given the trauma.
It's a traumatic horrible experience, and it's going to take some time to process and get through not only the mmc but how it all happened. Have you talked to your doctor about what happened? I found my doctor immensely helpful and supportive.
I think right now, park the stuff with mil and focus on getting better and looking after yourself. Your probably feeling quiet emotionally fragile right now and don't need the extra upset.
Just want to add, things get easier and time is a healer with this sort of thing. Please be gentle and kind to yourself.
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